www.yidchat.com

Welcome to Yidchat.com

2009-02-17T15:45:00.000-08:00

THIS ROOM is a PRIVATE ROOM!! It is the same as you guys in your respective private homes. It is not like Yahoo or AOL. A private person created this room for his purpose. You are all here at his pleasure.

He set up some trusted moderators to monitor this room according to his wishes. You don't have to like everything that goes on in this room. You have a choice to go elsewhere to chat. There are millions of chat rooms available. Start with the one right below us. But IN HERE you play by OUR RULES!!

And we have NO obligation to tell you what those rules are. But it definitely DOES include being respectful to the moderators, being mature in your conversations, and being PARTICIPATORY.

We will instantly kick or ban known haters, sex deviants or predators, childish behavior, chatters who divulge private information or ID of others or their own in the main room, or similar types of behavior as WE see fit.

This room is for Adults only, minors will be booted.
Remember, this is a PRIVATE room.

Shake it!

2007-09-18T09:19:00.001-07:00

Doctor in the house?

2007-09-18T09:13:00.000-07:00

Feedback Please

2007-08-19T21:32:00.000-07:00

Please comment on likes/dislikes of yidchat.com ~ Jewish Chat Rooms.

Wish List etc.

Thanks

Advertise

2007-07-31T20:11:00.000-07:00

Advertise on Yidchat.com!

THE Chat Site to advertise on.

Justin.tv

2007-03-27T21:26:00.000-07:00

justin.tv feed added.

try it.

Search on Yidchat

2007-03-08T23:03:00.000-08:00

Yidchat has its very own search engine called a"swicki".

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New Chat rooms

2007-03-01T12:17:00.000-08:00

Derblat maybe dead folks I don't know.

Find Yiddish room below Amazon store below.

Also experimenting with a new room at the bottom.
If you can't see it try upgrading your browser.

Feedback is welcomed.

Order the New Harry Potter Book from Amazon

2007-02-05T19:08:00.000-08:00

The Final Chapter
It's official! Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, the seventh and final book in J.K. Rowling's magical Harry Potter series, will be released on July 21, 2007. In the February 1 announcement from the book's publisher, Lisa Holton, President of Scholastic Children's Books, said, "We are thrilled to announce the publication date of the seventh installment in this remarkable series. We join J.K. Rowling's millions of readers--young and old, veterans and newcomers--in anticipating what lies ahead." Save the date, and let the countdown begin!

30,018 Hits!

2007-02-02T11:29:00.000-08:00

Thanks all for stopping by!

30,000 Hits!

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Haredi crusade against immodest clothing goes up in flames

2007-01-27T23:56:00.000-08:00

Haredi extremists in Jerusalem discover reason for troubles befalling Israeli people: Immodest clothes worn by women. For months, activists go door to door collecting clothes that don't hold up to rabbis' modesty standards. Thursday confiscated clothes set ablaze, pamphlets with list of forbidden clothes distributed
Neta Sela

The war against immodesty waged by haredi extremists escalated Thursday night as clothes deemed "immodest" were set ablaze in Shabbat Square.

The "clothes of impurity" were burned in a barrel in the center of the stage. Rabbis who spoke at the rally stood nearby admonished the crowd that congregated around the site.

Burning clothes to fix troubles of people of Israel (Photo: Dudi Vaaknin)

"We will get rid of the tight clothes and the Holy One, Blessed be He, will place his mercy on us," it was written on one of the signs held by the protestors. "Modesty is the only thing that needs to be corrected in our generation," the rabbis clarified, saying this would solve the troubles of today. "We must overcome this hurdle," they pleaded.

The clothes that were set on fire during the demonstration were collected by a haredi organization in the past few months in a door-to-door campaign held in haredi neighborhoods in Jerusalem. During the campaign, clothes deemed "immodest" were collected. Women rose to the challenge. The organization handed out coupons for "authorized shops" to those who handed over "forbidden clothing" so that they can buy new clothes.

In an announcement published by the rabbis, they clearly define what is forbidden to wear:

* Tricot shirts
* Lycra shirts and skirts
* Open-collared shirts
* Short and tight skirts
* Skirts with a slit
* Skirts with a straight cut
* Long or bulky earrings
* Clothes and bags in loud, flashy colors
* Wigs that are too exclusive
* Transparent or colorful stockings
* Clunky shoes

The result: Violence

The war against immodesty has recently descended into violence. Extremists attacked women with various sprays who were wearing clothes that didn't fit their criteria. Clothing stores in Jerusalem have also been hurt. One of the stores near the center of the city sustained an attack of bleach bottles. Tens of thousands of shekels of damage was caused to the merchandise.

Fear of the modesty guards is great in haredi neighborhoods. Yehudit, a haredi woman who works as a saleswoman in a clothing store in Geula said: "It is very scary, stressful, and unpleasant. A woman is wearing a skirt that cost NIS 200 (USD 50), and someone comes along and destroys it."

Yehudit defines herself as a "modern haredi," and claims that she and other women must not let "all of these protests affect us. It doesn't bother me at all." She also claims, "I haven't changed the clothes I wear. I haven't met one modern haredi woman who has purchased a new wardrobe or shorter wig because of the demonstrations."

jewish chat

2007-01-14T18:33:00.000-08:00

#Israel -
Israel IRC channel homepage. Undernet IRC Channel.
URL: http://www.zstarr.com/israel/
AlizaNet -
Israeli BBS providing a place to meet new friends; featuring on-line games and lively multichats.
URL: http://www.alizanet.com/
Bar Mitzvah Chat -

URL: http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/1333/chat.html
BiRdMaN v5.0 - Hebrew
The only hebrew script for israelies who enjoy chating on the IRC.
URL: http://fly.to/birdman
Fool Moon Family Chat Community -
Fool Moon is a fun family community of people from all over the world. Web pages of topical information, games, polls, articles & columns, free chat rooms, and message boards so you can exchange opinions and information (or just have fun!).
URL: http://foolmoon.com/ForumPages/judaism.htm
ICQ Jewish Chat List -
A place where Jewish ICQ users can find others to communicate with.
URL: http://www.igcom.net/~lisam/icq/
IRC #Israel -
Meet the people of IRC #Israel from all over the world.
URL: http://www.webknx.com/ppl.htm
Israeli Chat -
Webchat Broadcasting System Channel
URL: http://webchat11.wbs.net/webchat3.so?cmd=cmd_doorway:Israeli_Chat
Jewish Activist Chat Pages -

URL: http://www.generation.net/~silbiger/chat2.html
Jewish Chat -
Webchat Broadcasting System Channel
URL: http://webchat14.wbs.net/webchat3.so?cmd=cmd_doorway:Jewish_Chat
Jewish Chat.com -
Live Jewish chat, free, 24 hours a day on the Internet and World Wide Web for Jews world wide to meet, chat and form community relationships.
URL: http://www.jewishchat.com/
Jewish Professional Singles of Metro Detroit -
Events for the Single Jewish Community 30's to 50's
URL: http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/5652/
Jewish Singles Chat -
Chat for free with Orthodox Jewish Singles 24 hours a day!
URL: http://www.parsha.com/singles/
Jewstalk Club Chat -
the really oldest and biggest club chat at yahoo
URL: http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/jewstalk
JudaismChat -

URL: http://www.4-lane.com/religionchat/pages/judaismchat.html
Kid Shtick -
A web site for Jewish children. Jewish children can meet, get a pen pal, learn about Judaism as well as have fun.
URL: http://www.ksfun.com/
Live Jewish Voice Chat -
The first of its kind. All Jewish Voice Internet Phone Chat Room! All you need is a mic and speakers! It works, it really does:) Talk Torah, to family, friends, shidduch and meet New people via Internet Jewish Phone! Free and Easy to use!
URL: http://homepages.go.com/~yidd/chat.html
Meeting Point -
Meeting point and message board for the Israelis travellers all over the world
URL: http://members.tripod.com/~Ramot/bord.htm
Middle East Melting Pot - Israeli
Agmonet Israel
URL: http://www.agmon.co.il:8000/
Parsa - Hebrew
Horse site in Hebrew News, Information and Chat
URL: http://come.to/parsa

RichRach - friends Hebrew Israeli
Chat, Sports, Movies and more are right here
URL: http://members.iol.co.il/hagit/
STAR CHAT of Tal Nir - Israeli

URL: http://www.aquanet.co.il/vip/nirilana/talchat.html
Torah Chat -

URL: http://www.parsha.com/torahchat/
Virtual Zionist Congress -
The Virtual Zionist Congress is a set of educational activities, voting and virtual meeting in the Internet. The purpose of the congress is to let people from the Diaspora and from Israel to meet together and discuss Zionist and Jewish subjects in order to improve the dialog and to reach decisions.
URL: http://www.jewishnt.com/congress
Yahoo Jewish Chat Club -
Jewish Chat on all subjects; kabbala, torah, antisemitism, israel, zionism, meet israelis at the club, anti-missionaries, bible predictions, bible codes, and much much more, also looking for rabbis to assist at the club
URL: http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/thetruthsoutthere/
Zoola Palace - Hebrew Israeli
Hebrew chat
URL: http://zoola.co.il/

Internet? There's no such thing

2007-01-03T13:05:00.000-08:00

By Ofri Ilani, Haaretz Correspondent

At the world center of Chabad Hasidism in Brooklyn, New York, the afternoon service is about to begin. Like many other events held at ultra-Orthodox venues these days, someone there photographed the worshipers with
his cellular telephone's video camera. As is customary, at the center, dozens of Hasidim crowded against the sides of the hall, making a path for the Lubavitcher Rebbe to pass. The members of this messianic group have been doing this for years, in the belief that their late rabbi continues to attend the prayer services, as he did before his death. Suddenly, the screen on the man's cell phone shows a stooped, elderly figure with a white beard and a hat, walking quickly between the Hasidim.

"The Chabad rabbi walks among the people as if alive," states the film's title (snipurl.com/15fpn ), and the Chabad portal (www.chabad.fm ) declares that the Rebbe began revealing himself on the 25th of the Hebrew month of Heshvan (November 16, 2006).

"After 12 long years in which our detractors ridiculed us, here is the clearest proof that our teacher is alive," wrote one surfer.Other participants in the ultra-Orthodox forums throughout the Web were more skeptical, referring to the incident as one more indication of the "false messianism" of some Chabad Hasidim. During the week following the distribution of the video clip, however, something happened that shed light on the previous week's event. It turned out the elderly man captured by the camera is one of Chabad's activists in Israel, who wanted to leave the hall and used the path. Still, even after the logical explanation, some people persisted in their belief.

"I still contend it is the Rebbe," wrote one participant in "B'Hadrei Haredim" (in the Haredi inner sanctum) in the Hebrew portal "Hyde Park," the most popular Internet forum among the ultra-Orthodox. "It is simply impossible that everyone is clearly visible and only this image, which resembles the Rebbe, looks like a glowing soul."

Rabbinical paparazzi

The "revelation" that occurred in Brooklyn may be an extraordinary event, but it exemplifies a wider phenomenon spreading throughout the ultra-Orthodox world in recent months: paparazzi clips of rabbis, filmed by their followers, who sneak sophisticated cell phones into conferences. The film clips are uploaded onto "Haredi YouTube" sites, the most popular of which is Mashtap ( www.tsofar.com/), which defines itself as "the first ultra-Orthodox film-sharing site." Film clips of Admor Hasidic leaders are the most popular category at Mashtap, which is part of the ultra-Orthodox news portal Tsofar.

Among the most viewed clips are "Engagement at Belz," "Rabbi, Pinhas Weber in the Mitzvah Dance," "The Satmar Rebbe Dancing with his Eldest Son," and even "The Funeral of the Saintly Admor of Rachmastrivka." The site's operators told Haaretz that since this category opened, there has been real competition between the various Hasidic courts, with each group uploading events and waiting for viewer feedback. The Tsofar portal offers the impression that the ultra-Orthodox sector has enthusiastically adopted the Internet. Such an impression, however, is misleading. Formally, since 2000, use of the Internet is strictly forbidden in ultra-Orthodox society, and is described by the Council of Torah Sages as a "terrible threat" and "the greatest temptation in the world," and which is to be avoided by adherents to the Torah. It is no wonder that the activities of the Mashtap portal are veiled in secrecy, and its operators are hesitant to be interviewed.

"The Internet is strictly forbidden in the Haredi sector," says ultra-Orthodox journalist Bezalel Kahan. "It is not recognized at all, and will probably not be in the foreseeable future. The rabbis object to the Internet and speak out against it, always mentioning it as a sick evil." Even so, anyone familiar with the media habits of the ultra-Orthodox tell you that tens of thousands - up to 30 percent - of ultra-Orthodox access the Internet regularly, despite the prohibition, and actively surf forums, news sites and other sites.

Sometimes access is gained via Internet cafes at the edges of the ultra-Orthodox neighborhoods or at secular workplaces. Other ultra-Orthodox clandestinely install Internet access in their own homes. Unlike television, this is easy to conceal, as owning a computer is permitted by some rabbis.

To bridge the gap between the ideal and reality, there are occasional initiatives offering different types of hookups that afford access to useful services provided by the Internet without any risk of exposure to content considered an abomination and without the accompanying guilt.

No risk of exposure

Just last week Bezeq announced the launching of a special Internet infrastructure under rabbinical supervision. This infrastructure will facilitate Internet access via screened servers, but even this has been deemed unacceptable by the strictest ultra-Orthodox rabbis. In fact, over a year ago a few similarly screened Internet services began operating. One of the leading portals is Nativ ( www.enativ.com), which provides users with software blocking everything but e-mail, or allows access to a limited number of sites, such as those operated by banks, health maintenance organizations and public transportation services.

Nativ is approved by several rabbis, including Rabbi Moshe Sternbuch, vice president of the ultra-Orthodox council in Jerusalem, and Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Ullman of Bnei Brak. The rabbinical approval displayed at the site states that "an Internet device" is permissible in an office, and "only on the strict condition that software is installed that guards against the risks to body and soul, Heaven forfend."

Nettonet.co.il is a portal that offers a similar service, and includes links to essential sites and film clips of rabbinic leaders. Babakama.co.il is a site that offers "kosher" googling and access to the strictly kosher shopstar.co.il e-commerce site, which does not operate on Shabbat.

Ultra-Orthodox media sources report that the only arrangement that has been awarded the approval of most of the rabbis is netto mail, by Bezeq International, which provides e-mail service only, with no access to Internet content.

Participants in the ultra-Orthodox forums frequently discuss the "kosher" aspects of the Internet and constantly explain and justify their Web surfing to themselves and their surroundings. They exchange creative ways of saying they saw something on the Internet, without admitting actively surfing. "Somebody else told me," "I overheard a conversation on a bus," and "I heard it on an emergency medical services pager," are a few examples. One ultra-Orthodox member of the media, who preferred to remain anonymous, explains the origin of such sophisticated tactics:

"The ultra-Orthodox are apprehensive in such matters, as they could have dire consequences. If it becomes known that someone surfs the Internet, the next day his son could be expelled from [private] school."

Despite the constant fear, the ultra-Orthodox journalist believes the Internet has gained such popularity in the ultra-Orthodox sector that the struggle against it has no chance of success, that the rabbis' harsh opposition to the Internet only heightens the curiosity about this medium.

Blog update

2006-12-08T11:38:00.000-08:00

Amazon store and video player added.

Scroll down for more...

On the Rabbi's Knee

2006-12-08T10:09:00.000-08:00

'Does it hurt?"

The boy and his teacher were in the front seat of the teacher’s blue Plymouth sedan. The boy was 12 years old, pale and shy, and new to Brooklyn—plucked out of another life in Toronto after his mother remarried. He’d lost his father when he was 7, and the promise of a fresh start had appealed to him—a new family, a new world to explore. But a few months had passed, and the boy was lonely. His new stepsisters ignored him; he had trouble making friends at his new school. So when a popular teacher who lived nearby took an interest in him, it seemed like welcome news.

The teacher was in his early twenties—closer in age to many of his students than to his colleagues—tall and athletic, with a shock of red hair, and the kids liked him: He wasn’t the type who’d shake his fist at the heavens if he’d heard someone had gone to see a movie. The teacher taught first grade, and the boy was too old to be in his class, but they were neighbors. On the way to the bus stop, the boy would spot the teacher walking from his modest ground-floor newlywed apartment, coffee mug in hand, to his car. And on many days, the teacher was happy to offer the boy and a few other neighborhood kids a lift.

The teacher would usually park on the access road alongside Ocean Parkway, and they’d all walk into school together. But on this cold autumn morning, a few months into the school year, the boy would later remember, the teacher didn’t leave the car right away. As the boy and his friends began emptying out of the backseat, the boy remembers the teacher turning to him.

“Stay a few minutes. I want to talk to you.”

The other kids left.

“Come to the front,” the boy remembers the teacher saying. “Come sit beside me.”

Was he in trouble? Had he done something wrong? He couldn’t think of anything, but he did as he was told.

The Plymouth had a wide bench seat up front, with no split down the middle.

“Come sit on my lap,” said the teacher.

Then the teacher picked him up, the boy remembers, and put him on his lap. The teacher’s penis was erect.

The boy’s mind flooded. Should I scream? Run? He looked toward Ocean Parkway—Isn’t somebody watching?

The teacher unfastened the boy’s belt, reached around, and slipped his hand into the boy’s pants, the boy says.

He couldn’t see the teacher’s face. But he could hear him.

“Does it hurt?” the boy recalls the teacher saying, over and over. His voice was urgent but also oddly indifferent, as if he were asking about the weather. “Does it hurt?”

The boy was panicked now, desperate to open the car door and run into the school for help. But he was 12 years old, and the teacher was older and stronger, and, after all, he was a teacher.

All the boy wanted was to fit into his new world. The sooner this ended, he thought, the sooner he could forget it ever happened.

The ordeal lasted just minutes, the boy remembers. Then the teacher told him to go. “I don’t remember the exact words, but he said something like ‘Don’t tell anyone,’ ” the boy says.

So into the school the boy went, wondering if he was the only Orthodox Jewish boy who had ever been molested by a rabbi.

For decades, David Framowitz, 48 years old now and living in Israel, tried to forget about Rabbi Yehuda Kolko. But he couldn’t put the memories behind him. A few years ago, prompted by a visit to his old neighborhood, Framowitz found himself impulsively Googling the rabbi’s name. He had to know what had become of him. What he found was at once comforting and devastating: a link to a blog with the rabbi’s name and the words known pedophile. For the first time in 35 years, Framowitz had reason to believe that Kolko was not just his private tormentor.

On May 4, Framowitz filed a $20 million federal lawsuit against Kolko and Yeshiva Torah Temimah of Flatbush, Brooklyn, for what Framowitz says happened on at least fifteen occasions over two years, from 1969 to 1971—in the front seat of the Plymouth, and at the yeshiva at the end of recess, and at Camp Agudah in the Catskills, where Kolko worked for several summers. Framowitz was listed as a John Doe plaintiff in the legal filing, but he now has decided that putting a name and a face on the case will strengthen its credibility.

Framowitz is far from the rabbi’s only accuser. A second plaintiff, who wishes to maintain his anonymity, claims to have been fondled and rubbed up against by Kolko in the eighties, most often in the basement book room of the yeshiva. And on Friday, Framowitz’s attorney, Jeffrey Herman, was expected to file a separate, $10 million suit on behalf of an unnamed plaintiff who says he was abused by Kolko in the late eighties. All told, Herman says he knows of as many as twenty victims between the ages of 19 and 50 who say they were abused by Kolko. There’s the seventh-grader whom Kolko allegedly pulled into a closet in the seventies and held against his erection until that boy broke free. The dozen campers who came forward in the eighties, only to be rebuffed. And one boy who, twenty years later, is said to have punched Kolko at a Bris they were both attending, because of what he said Kolko had done to him years earlier. “It particularly haunted them,” Herman says, “that Kolko was still at the school and children were still being exposed to him.”

One rabbi molesting twenty students over several decades would be disturbing enough, but Framowitz’s lawsuit alleges that there was also a conspiracy among powerful members of the ultra-Orthodox community to cover up Kolko’s actions. The suit names not just Kolko but his yeshiva—accusing Kolko’s boss, Rabbi Lipa Margulies, of orchestrating “a campaign of intimidation, concealment and misrepresentations designed to prevent victims from filing lawsuits.” According to the complaint, Margulies, a pillar of the Borough Park community, took extraordinary measures to derail a rabbinical court action, or beit din, against Kolko in the eighties—telling family members of a dozen alleged victims that if they came forward, they’d be shunned by the ultra-Orthodox world and their other children would be expelled from his respected yeshiva and kept from enrolling elsewhere (Margulies is named in the suit but not as a defendant). The suit also alleges that Margulies had a revered ultra-Orthodox rabbi, Pinchus Scheinberg (also not a defendant), tell the victims that as a matter of Jewish law, Kolko would have had to have more than just fondled them for the acts to qualify as sexual abuse.

The yeshiva—then called Torah Vodaath, now called Torah Temimah—is known today as the Harvard of the Jewish world, educating 1,000 boys at a time in a complex of modern buildings on Ocean Parkway. Kolko is no longer just a first-grade Hebrew teacher but also a school administrator and active in the school’s summer camp, Camp Silver Lake. In the past six months, as Framowitz’s attorney and other community members attempted to bring Kolko to a beit din, Margulies permitted Kolko to keep teaching. He even stayed on for two days after the lawsuit was announced—until last week, when, as New York was preparing this story, the yeshiva placed him on administrative leave and issued a statement denying “that anyone acting on its behalf took any steps to prevent alleged victims of sexual abuse from seeking redress in rabbinical or civil courts.” (Kolko and Margulies would not respond to requests for comment. Scheinberg, 93 and living in Israel, could not be reached.)

What is perhaps most troubling about Framowitz’s case is the idea that Kolko, if culpable, could just be the tip of the iceberg. Rabbi-on-child molestation is a widespread problem in the ultra-Orthodox Jewish community, and one that has long been covered up, according to rabbis, former students, parents, social-service workers, sociologists, psychologists, victims’ rights advocates, and survivors of abuse interviewed for this story. They argue that sexual repression, the resistance to modernity, and the barriers to outsiders foster an atmosphere conducive to abuse and silence. The most outspoken advocates believe that the secular authorities—the police and the Brooklyn district attorney’s office—are intimidated by rabbinic authorities who don’t want their community’s issues aired publicly and who wield considerable political influence. They are hoping Framowitz’s lawsuit—one of just a few of its kind ever filed and the first to allege a high-level cover-up—could be a signal event, encouraging scores of molestation victims to come forward. Already, the Kolko case is said to have influenced plans for an unrelated case against a prominent Jewish summer camp.

The echoes of another insular religious community—one with its own particular set of sexual restrictions and a proven capacity for institutional denial—are, of course, impossible to miss. “This reminds me of where the Catholic Church was fifteen or twenty years ago,” says Herman, who just before taking on the Kolko case won a $5 million judgment for abuse victims of a Catholic priest. “What I see are some members of the community turning a blind eye to what’s going on in their backyards.”

Even before David Framowitz first found himself alone with Rabbi Kolko, the outlines of his young life had seemed like something out of Dickens. His father, Alfred Szmuk, a public-school teacher, had died when David was 7, leaving his mother, Naomi, not yet 30, to care for him and his younger brother, Jeffrey. For a few years, the family stayed in Toronto; Naomi supported them by teaching Hebrew school. Then Naomi was introduced to Saul Framowitz, a highly Orthodox Borough Park man who had recently lost his wife and only son in a traffic accident and was left with three teenage daughters to raise alone. Within months, there was a courtship and a small wedding, and the widow and her two boys moved in with the widower and his three girls, sharing a three-bedroom, third-floor walk-up in Borough Park.

It was the autumn of 1969, and as the rest of the world seemed to be hurtling headlong into the future, 12-year-old David felt as if he’d been flung back in time. He was taken aback by the bobbing sea of black hats, the women with wigs and long, dark dresses, the way the whole place screeched to a halt on Friday night. It was here that thousands of Hasidic refugees from Europe had chosen to repopulate the people, steadfastly preserving the shtetl life that had almost been destroyed. Any sense of the modern world was ferociously held at bay—no movies or TV or pop music, even newspapers were suspect. The community’s views on sex were perhaps most jarring. Boys were trained never to lock eyes with a woman who wasn’t related; some were taught not to touch their genitals when they washed.

David and his brother were sent to school at a strict Hasidic yeshiva where everyone spoke Yiddish. David stayed through the end of the year, but hated it. “I told my parents that I was not going back there.” He’d tried fitting into the ultra-Orthodox mold but hadn’t made many friends. The next year, he was enrolled at a new school—Torah Vodaath. The founder, Rabbi Lipa Margulies, had made a name for the school by cherry-picking top talent, paying his teachers more, and working them harder. “He’s single-minded,” says Rabbi Nosson Scherman, a former teacher there. “He’s obsessed with his school.”

Torah Vodaath seemed for a time to be a good fit for David. “It was more what I grew up with in Toronto,” he says, “a more normal school, where they had Hebrew lessons or Torah, but they also had English, math, and social studies.” A few of David’s classmates lived on his street. Soon after the start of the school year, Framowitz says, “I met some kids from the school, and they said, ‘We have a lift,’ and I said, ‘With whom?’ and they said, ‘One of the teachers lives here, and he’s gonna give us a ride.’ ” After the first attack in the Plymouth, Framowitz says, he tried to avoid Kolko. He tried not walking down his block. “But how many blocks can you skip to go around to get to school,” he asks, “before other kids started to wonder?” Some days, he’d be late and miss the bus, or it would be freezing, and he couldn’t come up with a reason not to get into Kolko’s car when the rest of his friends were piling aboard. Sometimes, it would be a Sunday, when the school day ended early, and he was playing with his friends.

“Here, I’m going home,” Framowitz says Kolko would say. “I’ll give you a ride.”

“No, no, no, I’m here. I’m gonna catch the bus with my friends.”

“No, come, we’ll go for a ride home.”

“You’re a young boy, and you get scared,” Framowitz says. “What happens if you don’t go with him? He’s a rabbinic authority in the school. He’s the teacher. Will something happen that will cause you to get into trouble because of him—because you didn’t show up to go with him on the ride?”

The abuse, Framowitz says, became ritualistic: Kolko would coax him into his car, place him on his lap, and fondle him. Kolko would keep his own pants up, ensuring that his genitals would never touch the boy—a line, perhaps, the rabbi was afraid to cross. Facing forward, David had no view of Kolko during the act. “Did he ejaculate? I have no idea. Was he getting there? I have no idea. I was 12 years old.” Even avoiding Kolko’s car wasn’t a solution: Framowitz says Kolko would corner him after recess at school and rub against him.

Framowitz thought the end of the school year would bring an end to the abuse. But that summer, his parents sent him to Camp Agudah—run by Agudath Israel of America, a powerful ultra-Orthodox organization—and Kolko was a counselor. When Framowitz saw him, his heart sank. After one baseball game, “he pulled me into the woods, just past the center field, and pushed me up against a tree and started rubbing against me,” Framowitz says. Other times, he says, the incidents were more fleeting—Kolko would wait until he and Framowitz were alone and rub his knee against Framowitz’s groin.

Early on, Framowitz says, he tried telling his mother about Kolko, but she didn’t know how to respond. The new marriage wasn’t going well; his mother had miscarried—a potential replacement son for his stepfather, to help make up for what the accident had taken away. “It was just terrible pressure,” Framowitz says. “One time, she picked herself up, with me and my brother, and she took us down to Manhattan and we stayed in a hotel for a couple of nights. With all the problems in the house, I couldn’t force myself to make this into a big issue. And my stepfather just couldn’t understand it. He couldn’t see how a rabbi, a respectable rabbi, would be doing such things, so I must be making up these stories to get attention.”

After a while, Framowitz just stopped talking about it. “I wasn’t getting anywhere. They weren’t defending me. So I said, Okay, I have to suffer. For family harmony. I’d tell myself, I just want to be a normal kid, but I can’t. I can’t do anything, because I’ll get into trouble. I can’t get into trouble because I can’t cause more upheavals in the house. So just be quiet, and it’ll go away.”

Yehuda Kolko first caught the attention of religious authorities as early as the mid-eighties, after a major sexual-abuse scandal rocked the ultra-Orthodox world in Brooklyn. A Hasidic psychologist named Avrohom Mondrowitz had been accused of not just molesting but having intercourse with four boys in his care, ages 10 to 16, some of whom he allegedly took away on long weekends. He was indicted in 1985 but decamped for Israel. In the wake of the case, several prominent rabbis in Brooklyn decided to field complaints about rabbis and others accused of molesting kids. The rabbi chosen to look into Borough Park, who spoke to New York on the condition of anonymity, says Kolko’s name came up repeatedly.

This rabbi wasted little time empaneling six rabbis to informally hear Kolko’s accusers. Kolko’s alleged problems, according to this rabbi, stemmed from his summers at a camp not far from Camp Agudah that Kolko apparently had an ownership stake in during the eighties. According to a former counselor at the camp, who also wishes to remain anonymous, it was an open secret among counselors that Kolko was misbehaving with several campers. A dozen kids had individually come to different counselors, the former counselor says, to complain that Kolko woke them at night, offered them rides in a golf cart, and then let them steer if they sat in his lap. Others said he’d visit them at night and touch them in inappropriate places. But these counselors were 18 or 19 years old, unsure of how to handle the claims, the former counselor says. Only after the Mondrowitz case broke a few years later did some of the former campers and counselors come forward. The panel of six rabbis heard the campers’ stories and sympathized, according to the rabbi who convened the panel. But, he says, “there was no mechanism in the community to stop Kolko from teaching, except to go to the cops.”

As the six-rabbi panel knew, rabbinical-court proceedings have no real power to substantiate abuse claims or punish abusers. Going to the police is largely frowned on in the ultra-Orthodox world; the notion of mesira, dating to the days of the shtetl, equates going to outsiders with treason. So instead, the teenagers and their families decided first to try to persuade Margulies, Kolko’s boss at Torah Temimah, to force Kolko to sell his stake in the camp and resign from the school. At a preliminary meeting with some of Kolko’s accusers, Margulies asked whom they had as witnesses. “Each name he dismissed: ‘This one is in a fantasyland, this one is a thief, you can’t trust any of them,’ ” the source recalls Margulies saying. “And he was not going to do anything about it.”

The group, along with parents and former campers from Camp Agudah, then tried summoning a beit din to rule on Kolko. They demanded Kolko not be there so the victims would feel comfortable telling their stories. But when the proceeding began, he was there, so they left. Then Margulies is said to have started a second beit din. According to Framowitz’s lawsuit, Pinchus Scheinberg, the powerful rabbi who was close to Margulies, contacted several of Kolko’s alleged victims, listened to their complaints, and told them that what happened to them was not abuse—that there needed to be penetration and that because there was none, their claims were not actionable. Then, the lawsuit says, threats followed. One father allegedly was told by Margulies over the phone that if his boy continued to complain, the safety of the rest of his children could not be assured. Both beit dins were halted, the victims never went to the police, and for years, Margulies told others who inquired about Kolko that the rabbi and the school had been exonerated.

Is molestation more common in the Orthodox Jewish community than it is elsewhere? There are no reliable statistics on the subject—molestation often goes unreported, even in relatively liberal communities—but there’s reason to believe the answer to that question might be yes. “I wasn’t even looking for it, and the amazing thing was how often it would just come up,” says Hella Winston, whose recent book, Unchosen: The Hidden Lives of Hasidic Rebels, examines ultra-Orthodox Brooklyn through the eyes of some dissident members who struggle with the dictates of the community. “I heard more from men than from women. What was really shocking was how many boys—so many boys—have had this experience. People I’ve interviewed have told me every Hasidic kid has heard about this happening to someone.”

There are some who believe the repression in the ultra-Orthodox community can foster abuse. Sex before marriage in Hasidic life is strictly forbidden (unmarried men and women are barely allowed to look at one another), and even within marriage, sex is tightly regulated (couples aren’t allowed to have sex, for instance, during menstruation and the week after). As Winston notes, fathers can’t attend their daughters’ school plays, “as the sound of women singing can lead to uncontrollable male sexual arousal.” In a world of Paris Hilton videos and Victoria’s Secret billboards, there are few outlets for an Orthodox man with compulsions the community refuses to acknowledge even exist. The repression, some say, creates a fertile environment for deviance.

Taboos against reporting sexual abuse don’t just promote silence—they may also encourage molesters. Besides the general prohibition against talking about sex, there is also the shondah factor—the overwhelming concern with shame (a child who makes an abuse claim can be thought to bring shame on his whole family). Then there’s the prohibition against lashon hara, or “evil speech”; the thinking is that virtually any public complaint about another person amounts to slander. There is shalom bayit, or the mandate to maintain peaceful domestic relations; many women and children have been made to feel that it’s their responsibility to maintain harmony by not turning in their abusers. There’s the notion of Chillul Hashem—desecrating God’s name. This can be invoked if you say anything bad about the community at all. Finally, there is mesira, or the suspicion of secular authorities.

The beit dins are hardly an effective mechanism for dealing with abuse. Given the choice between going after sexual abusers and protecting the community from scrutiny by outsiders, victims’ advocates say, religious authorities protect the community almost every time. “They don’t have investigative bodies,” says Rabbi Yosef Blau, a Yeshiva University adviser who has spoken out about other abuse cases. “They don’t do DNA evidence.” There’s one ancient Jewish legal theory that the testimony of a mentally ill man is more highly regarded than the testimony of a woman. And if beit dins fail a victim, there is no appeal. “We’re not accountable to anyone,” says Mark Dratch, a modern-Orthodox rabbi who chaired a task force on rabbinical improprieties for the Rabbinical Council of America. “Even the Catholic Church supposedly has more of a structure for accountability than us. If we don’t have the training to deal with a victim who comes to us for help, we have the potential to make them a victim again.”

The Brooklyn district attorney’s office insists it aggressively pursues sex-abuse cases in the Orthodox community, and D.A. Charles Hynes has been commended for launching Project Eden, a Hasidic-sanctioned program that reaches out to ultra-Orthodox victims of domestic violence. “There is nothing different about the way we handle cases in any community, whether they be sex abuse, homicide, or any other crime,” says Hynes spokesman Jerry Schmetterer. It bears noting, however, that for months, Hynes’s office resisted New York’s requests for information on Project Eden, and still won’t speak in detail about how they handle sex-abuse cases in the Orthodox community. Victims’ advocates have long argued that Hynes’s office simply doesn’t actively go after abusers in the community, and that when complaints do come their way, they’re often too quick to defer to the ruling of a beit din. “I’ve never seen any district attorney do this with the Catholics,” says Amy Neustein, perhaps this issue’s best-known cause célèbre, who in 1986 claimed that her 6-year-old daughter was being sexually abused by her husband, only to have the child taken out of her custody forever. “The beit dins are hijacking the whole justice system.”

Newsday recently uncovered a document, purported to be from the State Department, suggesting that Hynes has all but dropped the Mondrowitz case—ceasing to prod the State Department in its extradition battle. Hynes denies this. “Our position has always been that were Mondrowitz to return to the United States, we would prosecute him for his heinous crimes,” says Rhonnie Jaus, chief of Hynes’s sex-crimes bureau. Now that there’s a civil case against Kolko, are they pursuing a criminal investigation? “We look into cases all the time that are beyond the statute of limitations to see if there are any cases that fall within the statute,” Jaus says. “That’s what happened with the priest investigations.” No Kolko investigation has yet been launched.

What’s certain is that much of the ultra-Orthodox Jewish leadership still refuses to acknowledge that sexual abuse is even a problem. Efforts to persuade Orthodox organizations like Agudath Israel and Torah Umesorah (the National Society for Hebrew Day Schools) to develop a sex-offender registry have so far been all but ignored. Even Henna White, the Lubavitcher community liaison to Hynes’s Project Eden, has complained that she can’t get into the yeshivas to be heard on the subject of abuse. “In New York, we’re going into the girls’ schools,” White said at a conference in January. “Unfortunately, we’re not going into the boys’ schools, and not for lack of trying. Our right-wing yeshivas do not want us there, and there are many people who have tried. The feeling is that this is not a conversation they want to open up.”

“The bottom line is that abuse is a universal issue that closed communities hide because it threatens them,” says one former Lubavitcher in his thirties who says he was molested by an ultra-Orthodox neighbor, and who wishes to remain anonymous. “Whether it’s Jewish or Amish or Mennonite or Catholic or Muslim, it doesn’t make a difference. I feel like this is kind of like a fungus. It grows in the dark.”

When Framowitz was 14, he began hanging out at the Jewish Defense League in Borough Park. “I needed to get away,” he says. “It was more of a showing-off, ‘Oh, I’m JDL,’ like putting up a façade. I was looking for somebody to defend me because I wasn’t getting protection at school or at home.”

Recognizing how unhappy David was, his parents sent him to yet another yeshiva, in Cleveland, for ninth grade. He lasted a year there, six months at a yeshiva in Toronto, and half a year each in Long Beach and Far Rockaway. In Baltimore, he says, he was molested again, by a rabbi who is now deceased. In retrospect, Framowitz wonders if something about him made him seem vulnerable to pedophiles. “I grew up not wanting to make more trouble than there was already in the house,” he says. “Maybe I took everything as it came.”

He was 16 when he dropped out of the yeshiva system, moved home to Borough Park, and started working at a computer-services company on Park Avenue while he pursued his GED. He met his future wife, Joyce, in a youth group; he told her about Kolko almost immediately, he says, and she understood. By 1983, he’d become a CPA, and he and his wife had had their first child and decided to make aliyah before their son was old enough to start school in Brooklyn. The whole family, including his parents, eventually moved to Israel.

Three years ago, on a visit to New York, Framowitz was walking down Ocean Parkway when he ran into his seventh- and eighth-grade rebbe. He called out.

“Rabbi Kaufman, Rabbi Kaufman—I don’t know if you remember me, but you were my teacher 30 years ago.”

The rabbi squinted. “I remember the face, but I don’t remember the name.”

“David Framowitz.”

“Oh,” said the rabbi. “David Framowitz. How are you? It’s been so long.”

“And I told myself, David, say something, tell him that you were molested by Rabbi Kolko. And I said to myself, I can’t. It’s a different world, you’re not there. Forget it—you’ve made a life for yourself.”

Back in Israel, he found himself typing Kolko’s name into Google.

Framowitz found what he was looking for on a blog called Un-Orthodox Jew. The site—one anonymous insider’s blistering, some say heretical, accusations of hypocrisy and corruption in the community—started about a year ago and took just months to report a half-million hits. Its anonymous Webmaster, who calls himself UOJ, has made the Kolko case his main cause. UOJ has never met with me, but he calls when I e-mail him. When he does, my caller I.D. is blocked. “Being from the family I’m from, I know everybody,” he tells me. “They’ve all been to my home. My family’s involved in all aspects of the Jewish community.”

UOJ says that he first became disenchanted with the established Jewish leadership when as a young man he attended a beit din with his father and saw the rabbis there behaving in less than honest ways. “They were businessmen, mostly,” he says. His earliest postings, in March of last year, reflect what would become his signature cynicism. “By the time I was Bar-Mitzvah, I got the whole picture,” he wrote. “The guys with the money got the respect, the final say in the schools and shuls, and were the guests of honor at Jewish functions, period! . . . Give me one truly religious and honorable Jew, and I will give you one hundred thousand who do not have a clue.” UOJ’s first reference to Kolko came on June 26 of last year, in a broadside against Margulies. In no uncertain terms, he accused Margulies of harboring a pedophile and threatening the parents of victims into silence.

The initial responses were hostile. “You’re a bit too bitter, even for my taste,” one reader commented. “Maybe you are just a typical extreme left-wing Jew who hates Rabbonim and the Torah.”

“You are entitled to your opinion,” UOJ replied. “ALL MY POSTS ARE FACTS, AS UGLY AS THEY ARE!!!!”

“FACTS,” his critic replied. “Like what, the New York Times?”

But, a day later, on June 27, came another anonymous comment claiming to confirm what UOJ had said. And then another, from someone saying he was molested by Kolko. And another, from someone claiming to be the parent of another victim, and mentioning a failed beit din.

This is the string of posts that Framowitz noticed on Google. On September 23, he told his story in detail as a comment, using only his first name.

“I too was molested by Rabbi Kolko,” he wrote, “both while a student in 7th and 8th grades and during those same summers whilst a camper in Camp Agudah. . . . He would insert his hands down the front of my pants and would begin to ‘search around,’ to say the least. At the same time he would pull me closer to himself, or would push himself forward against myself, sometimes even pushing me into the steering wheel, to the point that it hurt. Unfortunately I didn’t react or complain. I of course told my parents and tried on several times to explain to them what I was going through, but they didn’t want to believe me and my ‘stories,’ etc. So I just shut up and let the molestation and perversion continue. . . . I feel that it is about time that the wall of silence be torn down.”

A few months later, after getting dozens of similar comments and e-mails, UOJ listed Jeffrey Herman’s name and phone number. He says he hadn’t spoken with Herman—he’d just noticed him as a guest on The O’Reilly Factor, talking about a clergy sex-abuse case, and thought that anyone reading his site who wanted confidentiality might consider calling him. “The key for me,” UOJ says, “was that on his Website, Herman said that he had strategies for getting around the statute of limitations.”

UOJ posted Herman’s name and number. When Herman, in turn, sent an e-mail saying he’d be happy to speak with alleged victims confidentially, Framowitz saw the posting and called him. Herman, an observant Jew from Miami, has handled millions of dollars in sex-abuse claims against clergy and school systems, mainly against the Catholic Church. He says he was interested in working on Jewish cases for the same reasons he works on Catholic ones. “People say, ‘Oh, are you gonna go after a rabbi?’ ” he says. “That’s kind of a funny question to me. I see the kind of work I’m doing as protecting kids. Jewish kids are certainly as worth protecting as Catholic kids.”

On February 2, UOJ paid for a bulk mailing to Orthodox homes in Borough Park, Flatbush, Williamsburg, and Crown Heights that might be too observant to have access to the Internet. The mailing accused Kolko of molestation and Margulies of a cover-up and even included their phone numbers. That’s when UOJ says he started receiving threats—“We’re gonna get your family” and “We know who you are.” (Many of these e-mails have been forwarded to Herman.) People accused him of betraying his community and having an ax to grind against Kolko and Margulies. The Jewish Press ran an editorial blasting the mailing. A rival blog called End UOJ was created. But the most shocking responses came from those who believed that accusing Kolko of abuse—true or not—was worse than the abuse itself. “Certainly speaking evil of somebody, truth or otherwise, establishes the most severe of all wrongdoings,” one pseudonymous comment on UOJ reads—“far, far worse then [sic] ‘child sexual abuse,’ and the punishment far more severe.” The post goes on to claim that having sex with a child is punishable by 39 lashings “at the most,” whereas lashon hara is punishable by leprosy—“a far worse penalty.”

Now that there’s a lawsuit, UOJ feels vindicated. “Molestation is rampant,” he says. “It’s not a one-in-a-million case. There’s at least one in every school. And I’m going to go after them one at a time.”

David Framowitz has four adult children of his own now, with careers and graduate degrees. His kids have served in the Israeli Army and lost friends to terror bombings. He lives in a sunny, concrete split-level house near the West Bank, and considers himself a modern-Orthodox Jew now, wrapping the leather straps of tefillin around his arms every morning, praying three times a day, spending Sabbath at shul. He does not wear the black hat or suit or the curls of payes. He has told his children all about Kolko.

For years, he says, he’s been happy—but he knows he’s been affected by the abuse. “I’d tell myself, It wasn’t my fault, I’m not going to let this ruin my life,” he says. “You keep yourself busy and go to work and have a normal family life. But it’s always there. It’s like a nightmare that never goes away. No matter how hard I try to push it away, his face is always there.”

Framowitz knows it won’t be easy to win the lawsuit. The three-year statute of limitations is the greatest obstacle. Others have tried circumventing it and failed. Most recently, an upstate man named John Zumpano sued a priest for allegedly repeatedly abusing him throughout much of the sixties, arguing that he was too mentally damaged to bring a case until now. The state’s highest court refused this argument. But the decision showed others one possible way around the statute: If after the abuse, a defendant keeps his accusers from suing by intimidation, the statute could perhaps be voided. Margulies’s alleged threats of reprisals against young victims, Herman argues, meet that standard.

The $20 million price tag ($10 million per plaintiff), Herman says, is an appropriate figure given Framowitz’s pain and suffering. (Herman’s latest settlement, in a priest case, was $5 million.) But money isn’t all Framowitz and Herman are after, they say. They’d like Kolko dismissed from the yeshiva and kept from working with children again. They want the yeshiva to establish a fund for victims who resurface in the future. And they want the yeshiva to publicly accept responsibility for its negligence, which in all likelihood would mean disciplining or dismissing Margulies. While Kolko’s chances of returning to the yeshiva are clearly in jeopardy in light of his suspension, people who know Margulies say it’s doubtful he’d ever loosen his hold on the institution he created. “Margulies is angry and bitter about this,” says one longtime supporter. Like the powers-that-be in the Catholic Church, this source says, Margulies “doesn’t get how this crime is viewed by this society with such abhorrence. He still believes the issue can be managed, when the proper response would be to meet it head-on.”

The day his lawsuit was announced, David Framowitz visited the street in Borough Park where he and Kolko first met. He hadn’t been there in years. In the car, he saw men with black hats and payes, women with forties fashions. He noticed a familiar toy store on a corner and shook his head. “Nothing’s changed here,” he said. “They’re in their own little ghetto. It’s hard for them to believe that such things happen.”

He was silent for a time, then he turned toward me.

“So, you have pictures?”

At a red light, I handed him three snapshots of the rabbi, taken a few mornings earlier outside his house in Midwood. Framowitz stared at them.

“Huh. Huh. That’s him. The face.”

The only difference, he said, was the hair—once so red, now all white.

We arrived on the street where Framowitz had lived—57th between Fifteenth and Sixteenth Avenues. He pointed up to the third-floor balcony of a small redbrick building. “Same house, same everything,” he said.

But when we got to Kolko’s old block, there was new construction where Kolko’s house once was. “It’s not there anymore,” he mumbled, crossing the street. “It’s not there.”

Framowitz, silent for 35 years, now couldn’t stop talking.

“If they’ve known about this for 20 years or 25 years, why the cover-up? If there’s even an iota of people thinking or knowing about Kolko, why is the guy still teaching children? Why hasn’t anybody filed a complaint with the police? And why isn’t anybody filing a complaint with the D.A.’s office? If they want to take care of it the Jewish way, fine. But why haven’t they done that? Why aren’t people standing outside the yeshiva demonstrating? For one person getting a ticket in Borough Park, look what they did! They rioted in the streets! Jewish kids are getting harmed, and no one’s outside this school demanding an investigation? I don’t understand it. I should have done this years ago. But if I can still save some kid . . . ”

He trailed off.

“He who saves one life is like saving the world. That’s what the Torah says.”

Anorexia And The Orthodox Seminary Girl

2006-11-08T14:48:00.000-08:00

By: Rabbi Shmuley Boteach

Wednesday, November 8, 2006

Last week my eldest daughter called me from Israel, where she is studying for a year in seminary, crying and terribly distraught. A girl she was friendly with from another seminary had died of anorexia. She was seventeen years old.
Hearing my daughter wail on the phone, and not being there to comfort her, was indescribably painful, but incomparable to the pain of the poor parents who had sent their daughter to Israel from the United States to study in a chassidic seminary, never to see her again. I asked my daughter how this could happen. Did no one notice that the girl was super-thin, that her life was in danger? My daughter told me that the girl appeared to her to be very small. She could not discern that the girl’s life was at risk.

When I discussed the terrible tragedy with my two other daughters who attend a very religious Jewish high school in New Jersey, they told me that there are several girls in their school who, no doubt, suffer from anorexia, and that the disease is all too common even in religious circles.

I just spent a week filming one of the most difficult episodes of my TV program “Shalom in the Home.” A fifteen-year-old girl hospitalized for anorexia was our subject. I came face to face with just how catastrophic, devastating, and intractable the illness can be. Indeed, anorexia kills one out of every ten girls who suffer from it.

In this case, the young girl we worked with explained that she had a voice inside her which she referred to as ED, for Eating Disorder, which constantly whispered to her that if only she would lose a few more pounds, she would be beautiful. People would love her. Other girls would want to be like her. Getting more attention all depended on losing just a few more pounds. But losing just ten more pounds for this girl would, God forbid, bring her to death’s door. And still the voice whispered.

There was no question that her eating disorder resulted from catastrophically low self-esteem and a determination, based on the culture in which she was raised, that she was all body and no soul. The world did not care for what she had on the inside, only the outside. She also desperately wanted to be famous. She spoke to me constantly about wanting to be a movie star and asked if I could get her on Oprah.

In my book Hating Women, I make the case that the values and mores of our secular culture are slowly killing our young girls as they get the message that to be attractive is the only way to get attention. The world will never appreciate them for anything but their body. To be overweight is to be repulsive and ugly.

The fact that anorexia has found a home in Orthodox circles is the ultimate proof of the tragic failure of contemporary Jewish education to cultivate a healthy self-image among young girls that is based on Torah rather than secular values.

The religious seminaries in Israel and the United States are filled with girls who are obsessively self-conscious about their looks. They know, as they approach marriageable age, that the teachings of the Eishet Chayil (Woman of Valor) prayer, written by King Solomon – “Charm is deceptive and beauty is naught; a God-fearing woman is the one to be praised” – have been utterly rejected by too many male yeshiva students who concern themselves primarily with a young woman’s looks.

Indeed, one wonders what the deceased girl’s seminary rabbis were doing as she slowly wasted away. Were they only teaching laws of Shabbat and Pesach? Did they forget that one of their first obligations in educating young women is to give them a healthy self-image that will render them immune to the misogynistic mores of our time? And where are the yeshiva heads in both Israel and the United States who should be educating their male students, as they get ready to marry, that real beauty is internal and to stop being so dismissive of girls who may carry a few extra pounds?

The Bible says that when a man and woman marry, they become one flesh. But in our time, elements in our religious communities are waging war against the flesh itself, as more and more girls are encouraged to become unhealthy bags of bones in order to cater to the vulgar and grotesque values of shallow men, however religious they profess themselves to be.

When I was in Israel a few weeks ago for Sukkot, I went to the Jerusalem markets where it was a wonder to watch Orthodox men using rulers to measure their etrogim and lulavim to make sure they were perfectly kosher. Certainly it is a praiseworthy thing to take one’s religion so seriously. But even as they did so, many of their young daughters were taking a ruler to their thighs and hips, hating themselves for being too large, and swearing that they would lose just a few more pounds.

And our blindness continues even as innocent little girls pay the ultimate price.

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach is the host of TLC’s “Shalom in the Home,” which airs every Monday at 9 p.m. He has just released his newest book, “Parenting with Fire: Lighting Up the Family with Passion and Inspiration” (Penguin).

“C” Is for Content

2006-10-23T10:31:00.000-07:00

Researchers in Jewish history and genealogy should check out Jewish Data Online (www.jewishdata.com ), an online resource of over 250,000 indexed records, including images of Declaration of Intention documents and Jewish tombstones from various locations. The cost for individual libraries is $500/year; consortial per library costs are lower.

To shul in a Mercedes

2006-10-23T08:28:00.000-07:00

Wealthy haredim shun hedonism of secular counterparts, despise ostentation, consult with rabbis before making important decisions

Shoshana Chen

The past few years have seen the introduction of a new social class to Israeli society - wealthy Ultra-Orthodox people. While these individuals are quite affluent, they shun the hedonism as well as the materialistic trappings of their secular counterparts.

Instead, they observe all the traditions and restrictions of haredi society and continue to maintain close ties with their less well-off haredi brethren.

The list of prominent haredi businessmen includes Chaim Fink, who recently acquired Shemen Industries and subsequently granted his first interview ever, Lev Leviev, whom the media basically ignored until he purchased Africa-Israel, and Shaya Boymelgreen, who leaped from relative obscurity to buy the Ezorim construction company from Nochi Danker.

In addition, a significant number of haredim – including many diamond dealers – are undisputed members of Israel’s economic elite yet somehow manage to fly beneath the media’s radar.

Part of the community

According to haredi advertising executive Rachel Bolton, haredi businessmen go to great lengths to avoid ostentation. “The rich haredi needs his community,” she explains. “He needs his prayer quorum to read the Torah three times a week.

“His contact with the regular community requires him to live modestly. Otherwise, the community will reject him. The congregation will be scared of him and will isolate him. Therefore, the rich haredi will drive a fancy car but not a limited model.

“No haredi in Israel has a private yacht,” Bolton continues. “That would invite conversations in the community, in the synagogue. Not just common gossip, but in a manner which would distance him from the nation. Almost no one owns private jets, and those that do - offer them to patients requiring operations abroad.”

The difference between wealthy haredim and secular Israelis extend to their children. “The haredi upper crust’s offspring do not really benefit from the prosperity. The very prosperous will provide an apartment, nice vacations, jewelry. They’ll ‘buy’ a good son-in-law, but they won’t give out handouts or monthly salaries,” Bolton says.

“They try to keep their children within the accepted framework until the wedding,” notes Eitan Dobkin, general manager of the McCann-Erickson advertising agency’s haredi division. “It’s important to them to worry about not doing anything that will potentially harm a wedding match. In general, only after the wedding do they allow them to join the family businesses.”

Furthermore, affluent haredim send their children to the same educational institutions as do the rest of the haredim. There is no such thing as an exclusive yeshiva for the rich.

In general, haredi attitudes to wealth are unique. “The haredi sector doesn’t analyze or scrutinize the well-heeled haredi based on his private life,” observes Avraham Rachtshefer, CEO of Minahalim Nachon, a haredi business monthly. “They check how much he contributes to the community and to those around him. Almost every top-line rich man identifies with a specific organization, tzaddik (righteous individual), or institution to which he donates.”

Another difference is that although wealthy haredim are respected, they do not receive the community’s highest honors or accolades. That distinction is reserved for the sector’s spiritual leaders.

Most haredi businessmen strive to cultivate close ties with the community’s most distinguished figures. Whether they do so for spiritual reasons or in order to advance their careers is open to debate. Cynics may perhaps decry the magnates’ motives, but, indisputably, Torah scholars occupy a higher rank than the tycoons.

“We like money; we even like it very much, but I neither have nor did I ever have a desire to amass piles of it,” one of the new wealthy haredi businessmen insists. “Besides the issue of the business game and besides the personal enjoyment, the question is what gives me pleasure. I have donated Torah scrolls. That gave me a good deal of pleasure as well as satisfaction. You know when you donate a new Torah scroll to the synagogue where you pray that it will be read from each time. What more is there? It’s a special feeling of joy, a sense of exaltation and spirituality.”

Shimon Glick is an American-haredi diamond dealer and real estate entrepreneur. Recently, he hosted Rabbi Aharon Shteinman, a leader of the Lithuanian haredi community, in his New York home. In addition, Glick underwrote, to the tune of one million dollars, the plane fares for the rabbi and his entire entourage. Thus, in one fell swoop, Glick managed to achieve fame and glory, even outside his hometown.

Nevertheless, according to Bolton, much of the capital is lavished on the women. “The wife is the main beneficiary of the money,” Bolton states. “She purchases expensive jewelry, clothes, shoes and handbags for herself. Generally, the wife doesn’t work. And her job is to care for the house and the nuclear family. Also, she deals with all the family issues pertaining to the extended family and the married children.”

Buy yourself a son-in-law

Religion plays a dominant part in wealthy haredim’s lives. As such, most of them do not take any business steps without first consulting with a rabbi.

For instance, according to Sholem Fisher’s relatives, the happiest day of his life was the day that his son married the Erloi Rebbe’s granddaughter. Fisher, an Erloi hassid, is Mathew Bronfman’s partner in the Blue Square chain, deals in real estate in New York, and owns candle factories in Israel and abroad. He credits the Erloi Rebbe, whom he reveres, for his success.

Another old haredi custom is once again becoming increasing popular. In order to marry off their daughters, many wealthy haredim “purchase” eminent Torah scholars from prestigious yeshivas.

“Among the hassidic public, grandchildren of the Grand Rebbes marry each other, and among the Lithuanian public, the ‘blue-bloods’, the sons of the yeshiva heads, are often ‘bought’ by the leaders of the financial aristocracy,” Rachtshefer asserts.

The “price” for pedigreed and talented Torah scholars is an apartment in one of the popular haredi neighborhoods, where high-end apartments can run up to 250-400 thousand dollars.

Occasionally, a rich father-in-law will establish and support a yeshiva or kollel, in order that his exceptional son-in-law can continue learning Torah in the future.

Yet, Dobkin believes that the main difference between wealthy haredim and secular Israelis is that the former are happier. “Religion stabilizes you, it gives you something to lean on,” he muses. “When you are sitting in front of a page of Gemara, it doesn’t matter how much you have in the bank.”

Falling into the gap trap

2006-10-20T11:25:00.001-07:00

Oct. 12, 2006

Last Monday night in Jerusalem, my family and I were walking home with thousands of people from a Succot concert in the City of David, the remarkable archeological remains of King David's ancient city, when I saw four young American yeshiva students, dressed in black and white, disrespectfully taking pictures of soldiers standing on the side to protect us.

They were sticking their cameras in the soldiers' faces, an inch from their noses, and flashing right in their eyes. The soldiers grimaced and asked them to go away. I was disgusted by what I saw. I walked over to the yeshiva students and said, "These soldiers risk their lives for you. Should you really treat them like garbage?"

The leader of the pack screamed at me, "It's none of your business," and ran off with his friends. I walked over to the soldiers to apologize, but they rolled their eyes and told me that they see way too many Americans coming to Israel and behaving like out-of-control idiots.

From there we walked to the Ben-Yehuda mall, where we saw the usual nightly parade of hundreds of American yeshiva kids - in Israel for their year after high school, either hanging out for hours on end, like so many lost sheep, or running amok, booze in hand, like wild jackasses.

In the famous and palpable divide between Orthodox and secular in Israel, it is often overlooked just how often ostensibly religious American teens who come for their year abroad and behave like party-obsessed fools contribute to that divide.

Secular Israelis read about the growing number of American students who are arrested for marijuana possession at their yeshivot, or the even more horrible story, last year, of a yeshiva student dying of a drug overdose, and it hardens their opinion that the Orthodox are hypocrites.

STUDYING IN yeshiva and seminary in Israel for the year after high school has become a rite of passage for thousands of American teens every year. I have a particular interest in the matter because this year my eldest daughter is one of those students in seminary. As a parent you're not supposed to question the year in Israel. It's part of the Jewish canon and creed. As far as the American Orthodox high schools are concerned, when Moses came down from Mount Sinai he brought with him the 11th commandment: Thou shalt send thy high-school graduates to Israel.

But questioning it is exactly what I have been doing on my trip to Israel for Succot. As you walk in the Jerusalem city center at night and see the often drunken orgy of American kids behaving like hooligans, or just wasting so much of their year hanging out at boring caf s, one wonders what they are gaining by being there. For many of these youngsters, Israel is really just a year of freedom, a time to spread their wings and shirk parental supervision. The problem is that it seems that some yeshivot aren't really supervising them either, and they have way too much free time on their hands.

This is, unfortunately, the same impression that I gained last year when we visited as well. I saw so many American kids supposedly in a yeshiva‚ who were drinking and humiliating themselves in front of secular Israelis who were then getting the mistaken impression that this is the way real yeshiva students behave as well.

Don't get me wrong. I too came to Israel, of my own choosing, right after I graduated high school and studied in Jerusalem for two years in the Chabad Yeshiva. In terms of academic and spiritual growth, they were the two greatest years of my life. And the love and reverence that I gained for the Holy Land and the modern State of Israel from being there those two years has stayed with me my entire life.

But without sounding self-righteous, I did not come to Israel seeking fun, but Torah study. Less so was I concerned with freedom, but with a mastery of Judaism. I wanted to drink in the air of the Holy Land through the agency of Judaism's greatest texts, rather than its pizza shops and shwarma stands. I was in a haredi yeshiva where it was unthinkable that we would hang out with girls at outdoor plazas. No one even warned us that if we did so we would be kicked out. The very mention of even such a prohibition would have been ludicrous.

Because whatever flaws we had as students, one of them was not that we thought that yeshiva meant being on Ben-Yehuda flirting every night. Today, so many of the yeshivot and women's seminaries have elaborate rules of what is allowed outside the yeshiva and what is not.

Would it not be better to screen the students before they arrive to ensure that they're looking for the right things when they come to Israel in the first place? I remain a strong believer in the year in Israel, which is why I sent my daughter here, even though letting my baby girl go away from home - even at 17 - was painful. And my daughter was fortunate to have registered in a seminary which is serious and studious and where she is, thank God, flourishing. And even so, I try and keep an eye on her from afar.

Just because she is Israel does not mean that I should not check up on her, inspiring - but also cautioning - her to make the most of her opportunity by vastly increasing her awareness of her Jewishness as well as of the Holy Land.

The blessings that Israel can bestow on one's Jewishness are incomparable, which is why the year in yeshiva in Israel is so important. But lax standards in many of the programs, and parents who don't monitor the activities of their children, are undermining the integrity of the idea.

WORSE, THIS laxity is having a nefarious effect on Israel itself. The Jewish state doesn't need out-of-control teens from abroad who arrive with a wealth of cash and a paucity of values.

On the contrary, the Orthodox young people who come to Israel must know that it is a privilege and a responsibility.

There actions must accord with the holiness of the land, and that as ambassadors of both American Jewry and Orthodoxy, their behavior is being closely scrutinized by religiously non-observant Israelis to determine whether American Jewry has lost its bearings, and whether Orthodox Judaism has lost its sincerity.

The writer's new book Parenting with Fire: Lighting Up the Family with Passion and Inspiration‚ has just been published by Penguin.

Amazing Pictures - Makom HaMikdosh

2006-10-20T09:53:00.000-07:00

This morning myself and about 20 of my neighbors made a group visit to the Temple Mount, some for the first time.
At first there were some problems allowing some members of the group to enter (including myself) but in the end everyone was permitted in, with extra special restrictions (in addition to the normal laundry list of restrictions) l'kvod Ramadan.

Here are some pictures with brief explanations and a view you don't often get to see of the makom hamikdash:

Shomer Negiah?

2006-10-19T10:23:00.000-07:00

Click to play.

2006-10-18T19:30:00.000-07:00

Judaica Man: Putting the Oy back in Oy Vey

Jewish marketing gone mad!

2006-10-11T12:49:00.000-07:00

The David Zucker Albright Ad

Fun!

THE DREAM - Moshiach Answers and Explains

2006-09-28T15:21:00.000-07:00

THE DREAM - Moshiach Answers and Explains
BS'D

"I see you! I see you!" I was so excited, "Come out, come out of the cave. Come, come, come, come, come, I'm here, come out, don't be afraid. " For about 15 minutes, I was physically bending down (during sleep), trying to pursuade Moshiach to come out of the cave. He didn't want to come out. I was inside the cave and Moshiach was hiding inside the alcove. I asked him which cave he is in and he said on Mount Carmel, inside the cave of Eliyahu HaNavi.[+/-] show/hide text

I couldn't see his face, because the alcove was dark and low and he was deep inside. (It could also be that he didn't let me see his face and most of all, HaShem didn't allow me to see).

Moshiach said I can ask him questions and he'll answer (the conversation was in Hebrew).

Question: Are you always in the cave of Eliyahu HaNavi?
Answer: No. I come and go.

Question: Why are you in the cave of Eliyahu HaNavi?
Answer: It's something I'm forced to do. I'm occupied by him.

Question: Why am I zoche (merit) to have these dreams, visions and revelations? Is it because I'm the gilgul of *****?
Answer: It's in the zechut of Shalom Bayit, because you please your husband. It is also because your neshamot are connected and are one.

Question: Why are you not revealing yourself already?
Answer: Bnei Israel are not ready.

Question: How can you say that? A Jew just died Al Kiddush HaShem in Uman. Young children are learning Torah. There's a tremendous Teshuva movement world-wide.
Answer: The Knesset handed security authority of Rochel Imenu's Tomb to the PA (Palestinian Authority) and to the Arab border police.

Question: How is it our fault? We did not decide to give it them.
Answer: Less than 3 Jews barely mentioned it, no one cried. It caused so much pain in Shamayim, so much sorrow...

Comment: I will bomb the Knesset and reduce it to pebbles and will die with them Al Kiddush HaShem. I'll kill all the Erev Rav. I will kill them all.
Answer: HaShem gifted you last summer to go to Eretz Israel and fight the disengagement. You didn't go to Rachel's Tomb to daven by her to HKB'H.

Question: As soon as I wake up, I'm going to the airport and fly to Eretz Israel and without any detours, straight to Rachel's Tomb. Will you then reveal and bring us the redemption?
Answer: The opportunity has passed.

Question: So what can we do to bring you?
Answer: שעת רצון (a time of Will).

Question: When is שעת רצון?
Answer: הזמן נפגש עם היום והעיגול מושלם The time meets with the day and the circle is complete.

Question: Can you explain?
Answer: The Magen David is made of 2 triangles that meet. There are 6 corners in the Magen David. In each corner, a different name of HaShem's unique name is engraved and the corners of the Magen David rotates. When it's שעת רצון, say "Moshiach, come" and HaShem will agree. Till today, no one did this.

Moshiach: You may ask 2 more questions. I must leave. I'll give you a few more minutes; time according to earth, not Shamayim.

NK: thinking what to ask....

Question: Who can bring Moshiach more, the men or the women?
Answer: Men, women and children. The completeness is men learning Torah; women being modest and holy; and children praying.
Moshiach explaining: A man without a woman cannot be complete. A woman can be good and bad. She can break the man's learning Torah by being immodest and unholy. But the children, the children, they have innocence. The children have the power to open רקיעים heavens. A child that says Tehillim and prays has the power of בוקע רקיעים erupting heavens more than 1,000 men together learing Torah. If this generation would know the power of children, they would not place them in front of the TV, computers, video games. This generation is very weak.

Question: Did you ever come before?
Answer: 6 times. 60 years ago, 250 years ago. Tzaddikim השביעו me and did יחודים. I cannot tell you the other 4 times.

NK: I'm so happy to know you and speak with you. I will tell everyone that you are here to stay and you will soon be revealed. Please bless Am Israel that --- Moshiach, where are you? where are you? WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW

(NK's comments: I recorded it 99.9% exact. This is probably the most exact recorded dream ever.
I asked Moshiach to bless Am Israel but he disappeared. Imagine having in your hand a cup of water and you are about to drink and it poooof, disappears. When he disappeared, all I could say was WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW.
The dream ended 3:15 am earth time - gematria שי-ה - It can be Roshei Tevot הוא יהיה שם - He will be there (Moshiach), in time of need and it time of sorrow).

What is Frum?

2006-09-26T10:14:00.000-07:00

People have asked me how I ended up in West Orange. What is a a bearded guy doing in such a modern community...Shouldn't I be in a frummer environment...

Does frum mean homogeneous?

Does frum mean hours of people learning...number of people in davening...signs in Yiddish...black and white on the streets...

Or does frum mean that I am building the best relationship with Gd for me at this time?

Sure, we have a concept of not living in a wicked society, but do we fear that our neighbors that wear t-shirts and have secular newspapers delivered are intrinsically evil? We may think that it isn't the best path for our growth, but isn't their place in the world up to them? Are we only frum if we are surrounded by like minded ideologies? It may be for some, and those that it appeals to should choose it.

Polygamy - Hot Kosher Sex

2006-09-20T08:28:00.000-07:00

Jan and Dean sang about it in 1963, but some Jews, concerned over the increasingly lower birth rate among Jews, are suggesting that “two girls for every boy” may be the answer. Statisticians have proclaimed a “clear numerical superiority” of available women over available men in the Jewish dating pool. This is bad news for Jewish women, who become increasingly competitive in looking for Mr. Right, while the men sit back and enjoy the ride, since there are always more women for them to choose from.

Perhaps the time is right for polygamy to make its long-awaited comeback. HBO has a hit show in Big Love, depicting the drama of a polygamous Mormon marriage. Concern with “the dating crisis” has the religious Jewish community up in arms. And recent articles in the Jerusalem Post quoted one Bar-Ilan University professor as suggesting that Jewish men take concubines, to combat the declining birth rate. And last year, noted philanthropist Michael Steinhardt even gave a controversial speech — explained away by some as satire — in which he proposed polygamy as a real-time solution to the problem. As the discussion continues, look for Martha Stewart to advise on how newlywed “triples” or “quads” should handle registering for multiple china patterns.

frum chat swicki search stats

2006-09-14T10:08:00.000-07:00

I thought this was interesing:

Tag Activity

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And someone requested YeshivaWorld be added.

By the way you can search for anything you want on Swicki not just the tags you see you can also suggest sites to be added to search results, it's trainable..

Cool, No?

Yidchat.com is back up

2006-09-13T09:04:00.000-07:00

Sorry about that folks.

Go to link above for yidchat.com

Orthodox Jewish frum chat.

2006-09-11T13:05:00.000-07:00

Telethon Promo

chabad Telethon California

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Sportscasters on Mel Gibson

2006-09-05T09:13:00.000-07:00

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Row Over Teen Mums

2006-09-04T11:15:00.000-07:00

by TJ Reporter

- Friday 1st of September 2006

A Tory Councillor apologised yesterday for any offence he caused the Jewish community, after he was quoted by two local newspapers as attributing Barnet’s rise in teenage pregnancies primarily to orthodox Jewish girls.

In a front page story bannered ‘Baby Boomers – teenage pregnancy rise highest in the country’ in last week’s Edgware & Mill Hill Times and Hendon & Finchley Times, it was reported that Chris Harris had claimed that the increase in teen births between 15 and 17 was due to “the large religious community such as orthodox Jews who tend to have babies at a young age”.

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His astonishing and unsubstantiated allegations were immediately refuted by orthodox communal rabbis, who called them absurd and bewildering.

Cllr Harris, while apologising to the community for any offence Jewish readers might have taken, said that his remarks had been taken out of context – a claim flatly refuted by the Times Newspaper group.

A spokesman for the two papers which have a combined circulation of over 120,000 copies per week, said it was sticking by its guns last night, saying the quotes were accurate and a fair reflection of Cllr Harris’s interview.

Rabbi Leivi Sudak of Lubavitch of Edgware said: “I’m astonished and shocked that he has come out with this and would challenge Councillor Chris Harris to find a secondary Jewish school which has a crèche in it.

“Other secondary schools do, but there aren’t any Jewish ones. In my 23 years of working as a mohel, I have never performed a bris on a baby whose mother was under 18 years of age and am unaware of any pregnant 15 to 17-year-old teenagers in Barnet. It’s also illegal and against the age of consent for any girl to have a baby at 15 but overall I am just shocked that this has been said.”

Rabbi Benjamin Rabinowitz, of Edgware United Synagogue, said he had never come across a pregnant teenager in his community.

Rabbi Gershon Overlander of Hendon Chabad said: “That’s bizarre. The implication is that they are not married and therefore they couldn’t be referring to the orthodox Jewish community. There is a certain misrepresentation here”.

Rabbi YY Schochet of Mill Hill United Synagogue said “For those orthodox Jewish girls who might get married young, it wouldn’t be below 18 years of age. That has nothing to do with teenage pregnancy and the correlation between the two is just absurd.”

Echoing his comments, Rabbi Avrohom Pinter, the Head teacher of Yesodeh Hatorah Girls School in Stamford Hill said; “That sort of statement is totally unfounded and cannot be attributed to the orthodox Jewish community as they do not get married at such a young age.”

Rabbi Gershon Overlander from Chabad of Hendon said: “That’s bizarre. The implication is that they are not married and therefore they couldn’t be referring to the orthodox Jewish community. There is a certain misrepresentation here”.

Responding to the community’s concerns, Councillor Harris told TJ: “Clearly when I was interviewed by the journalist, we were talking at cross purposes. I believed she was talking about everyone under the age of 20, and didn’t understand she was specifically talking about the age cohort 15 to 17. If I had realised she was referring to that age group, I would never have made the comments I made in relation to some ethnic groups on occasions having children in wedlock at a younger age.

“Evidently, teenage pregnancies in the age group 15 to 17 are virtually unknown in the Jewish community. I apologise if any unintentional offence or confusion has been caused due to the miscommunication between myself and the journalist.”

Corridors of Power: The silent ones

2006-09-04T11:06:00.000-07:00

peggy cidor

THE JERUSALEM POST

Aug. 31, 2006

In one of his most sarcastic but less-known pieces, writer S.Y. Agnon imagined the "Beit Siftotayim" (The House of Lips). Long before it was ever created, Agnon imagined a place where our glorious pioneer fathers could not stop talking because they had become free Zionist citizens.

In Arabic the word is magliss, which means a place to sit - and this may provide more than a hint to the origins of the current conflict - but that's another story.

The local city council was created in the image of a parliament as a place where elected people gather and speak.

All this introduction is intended to tell you, dear readers, that when our 31 elected citizens who rule the city convene in the city council, almost all they are expected to do is speak.

Most of them do. Quite a bit.

But a considerable number of them don't.

Shlomo Bresca and Yair Lari, Moshe Lock and Avraham Feiner, Yaakov Shnur and Shlomo Daitch. These are the silent ones, members of the coalition, from the United Torah Judaism and Shas parties. Unlike their colleagues, they hardly ever speak up in city council meetings.

"They were sent to the city council for specific reasons," explains a senior member of the coalition. (We might note that he himself is very talkative and very well-regarded in the haredi world.) "They represent this stream or that rabbi from various sectors of the haredi parties."

Our analyst then adds, "Usually, when they arrive at a city council meeting, they have no idea what it's about or what they are supposed to do, let alone think that they might represent anything other than their own sectorial interest."

At least in one case, it would appear, our cultural interpreter was correct. Upon arrival at the city council, immediately after the last elections, Corridors of Power asked Councilman Lock, the newest representative of the Gur hassidic sect, what his preferred issues would be.

His response was telling. "I am here because the Admor (head of the sect) told me to be here. My only plan is to avoid becoming involved and I took an oath not to talk to the press."
And that was the last time that I or any of my colleagues ever heard his voice.

His predecessor, Rabbi Haim Miller, who is a very talkative politician, explains. "What can I do? A large portion of the new city council members from the haredi parties act as if they were members of a monastery who took an oath of silence."

Perhaps silence is becoming an important part of the basic qualifications of our city councillors, since silent and discreet politicians can also be found in the ranks of Shas.

According to a colleague from Shas, Shlomo Bresca, a very esteemed young city councillor, "has never asked for the floor in a city council meeting." Remaining cautiously anonymous, the colleague adds, "He is very young, only 38 years old... and he has said more than once that if not for the decision of his patron, Rabbi Reuven Elbaz, he wouldn't have dreamed of running for city council."

Yair Lari, who is close to Shas leader Eli Yishai, is also silent. But in contrast to Bresca, our commentator informs us, "Lari understands how politics works and he likes it very much. But discretion is his second name - we don't even know what he does for a living."

Shnur, one of the oldest members of the council, is the representative of Chabad (Lubavitch). Our wily commentator notes that, "Since we all know what the lita'im (Lithuanian Jews) think of Chabad, you can easily understand what his status is."
Shnur may be silent, but this writer still remembers that Shnur was the only member of the council who joined an organized tour of the security barrier around the city two years ago. Tersely, he explained that he "thought that he should see for himself what the fuss was all about."

In the previous council, in accordance with rotation agreements between the different factions of the haredi parties, we even had a city council member who didn't speak Hebrew. He served - in Yiddish - for a very short period and left in the same manner as he arrived: silently and discreetly.

The heads of the parties, who have been around for a long time and are already vice mayors (and so receive a salary), are used to the way things work. They know how to sell a good story, they know how to handle journalists and they know the rules of the game.

"Obviously, some of them have learned to like the job and the honor it brings them," our interlocutor contends. "But others were sent by the rabbis because they weren't shpitz (stars) at the yeshiva. They are here for a specific reason: to preserve their rabbis' interests.

"At the least, they are honest," he concludes. "They don't try to peddle the usual stuff about 'serving the citizens.'"

Yid Space

2006-09-01T15:23:00.000-07:00

Yid Chatters please join up on MySpace!

Following the herd

2006-09-01T14:04:00.000-07:00

By Shahar Ilan

The new communications minister, Ariel Atias, last week provided an astonishing figure in the ultra-Orthodox newspaper Bakehila. The Haredi public, which totals an estimated 600,000 people, has purchased to date only 30,000 "kosher" mobile phones, which exclude content services.

This despite the clear and vociferous directives by Torah sages to use only such cell phones.

This is not the Torah sages' only failure recently. Even more embarrassing was their attempt to ban Internet use. There can hardly be another public so active in the area of online forums as the Haredim (ultra-Orthodox). There you do not need to identify yourself, and under the protection of anonymity may write whatever you think and feel. Haredi businesses have long since learned that whoever is not on the Internet is essentially non-existent.

Ultra-Orthodox rabbis do not internalize the rule that you don't impose a decree the public cannot fulfill. Like a deluge, the modern world is flooding the Haredi street, and the rabbis, instead of instructing their people to wear life jackets, are trying to stop the water with their hands. The result: The Haredi public continues to respect the Torah sages; it just doesn't heed them so much.

There are many possible explanations for the decline in the power and influence of the Torah sages over the past few years. One of the most important is the split of the Council of Torah Sages into three councils - of Agudat Yisrael, Degel Hatorah and Shas.

But the main reason is that the rabbis have made themselves irrelevant. They are battling the modern world instead of trying to serve as regulators. And mainly, they completely fail in dealing with the truly important crisis facing the Haredi society of learners - the economic crisis.

The most prominent scholar on Haredi society, Prof. Menachem Friedman, has been warning for 30 years that this crisis is waiting to happen, but none of the rabbis have tried to preempt the foreknown economic tsunami. Friedman warned, for example, that a time would come when the secular public would no longer be prepared to bankroll the yeshiva students. And yet, when the child allowances were slashed, the rabbis and their public were caught completely off-guard. In the general public, that would be termed a fiasco. The Haredim quietly grumble.

It's not that stuff isn't happening in Haredi society. The Israel Defense Forces' Haredi Nahal battalion was created. Vocational training courses are opening. Dozens of men and women received law degrees last week. But everything is happening too slowly, in a faint trickle. The reason for this is that all of the processes are occuring without the overt support of the rabbis. Their uncourageous consent is expressed merely through turning a blind eye.

The conservative rabbis are trying to hang on by their fingernails to a society in which two out of three men study. They fail to grasp that this is untenable from an economic standpoint. Other rabbis know what has to be done, but they haven't the guts, nor broad enough shoulders.

They haven't the guts to announce that only those who excel ought to study their entire lives, while the rest should study for several years at a kollel - a yeshiva for married men - and then go out to work. They haven't the guts to initiate academic tracks at yeshivas, like in the United States, and to permit the establishment of Haredi high-school yeshivas. Fear of the zealots is stronger than concern for the public.

Within this so very mediocre leadership, Rabbi Aharon Leib Steinman, the Number 2 man in Degel Hatorah, stands out positively. Steinman favors jobs for those who do not wish to continue studying, and also backed the Tal Law. But he too lacks the courage, and perhaps the ability, to take it all the way and express his positions publicly. He is especially admired among Haredim in the Diaspora, but cannot seem to become a prophet in his own city.

And to finish up, a moment of Haredi logic: If this generation was deserving, a leader would surely arise who knows how to contend with the current challenges. Since the generation was not found worthy, the Haredi public has become a herd whose shepherds follow it.

Is Orthodoxy becoming too religiously right-wing?

2006-08-31T19:16:00.000-07:00

In this final part of our series on the move to the religious right in Toronto’s Orthodox community, we hear from other centrist voices about what they see as the growing influence of haredi religious leaders and practices in the rest of the Orthodox community. Much of their concern centres on the prominence of Kollel Avreichim on Coldstream Avenue, located in the heart of the haredi community near Bathurst Street and Lawrence Avenue. As the leading haredi post-yeshiva educational institution in Toronto, its rulings have come to exert significant influence in the wider Orthodox community. (Rabbi Shlomo Miller, its rosh kollel and av beis din – head of the institution and its rabbinical court – declined to speak directly to The CJN, saying that the media have misquoted and misunderstood him. However, he authorized a spokesperson to speak on his behalf.)

Many people in the Orthodox community are troubled by what appears to be a refusal of non-haredi rabbis and other Orthodox leaders to speak out against the current situation. Several people interviewed for this series expressed the view that many Orthodox rabbis and leaders are afraid of being censured by Rabbi Miller and the haredi community, and these sources contend this fear is behind the silence of Orthodox leaders. It is this context – and our belief that issues that generate such vehemence should be discussed openly – that has led The CJN to investigate the situation.
From left: Rabbi Reuven Tradburks, Rabbi Immanuel Schochet and Martin Lockshin

Rabbi Reuven Tradburks, secretary of Toronto’s Vaad Harabonim and spiritual leader of Kehillat Shaarei Torah, a Modern Orthodox congregation, paints a more positive picture than some others of the move toward more stringent religious practices and views in the Orthodox community.

“I feel that, often when there are dramatic changes in policy, people look at it as being a step backward, or as the Orthodox world becoming more fundamentalist. I don’t view it that way. I view it as a positive change, that the number of people who want to live a rich and full life completely consistent with what the Torah wants from us is growing.”

He said he does not see the discrepancies between Modern Orthodox and haredi philosophy as a division between the two groups.

“I think there are different approaches. It’s not a new issue. It’s a new manifestation. Part of the reason [the issue seems more pronounced] is because of e-mail, the Internet and instantaneous communication. And to some extent it’s also the ascendancy of Torah and knowledgeable Jews in the Orthodox world in general.”

However, he noted, there are Orthodox Jews “grappling to find a way of negotiating their allegiance to science and also their allegiance to Torah and Torah leaders.”

Rabbi Tradburks was referring to the debate about British-born, Israel-based Rabbi Natan Slifkin, a haredi scholar who touched off an ongoing controversy in the Orthodox world with his views on creation and science.

Three of his books – including Mysterious Creatures and The Camel, the Hare and the Hyrax, which offer ideas about the origins of the universe that are anathema to his fellow haredim – were banned by Israeli and North American haredi rabbis in early 2005. Especially troubling to them are Rabbi Slifkin’s assertions in The Science of Torah that the world was created not in six days, but over millions of years.

The young rabbi’s profile remained relatively low in Toronto until his visit to the city this past winter to speak at an event sponsored by Torah in Motion, a Modern Orthodox educational organization that hosts lectures and programs.

At that time, Rabbi Shlomo Miller of Kollel Avreichim issued “a letter of admonishment” stating that Rabbi Slifkin’s opinions on the six days of creation were “definitely heretical,” even “boorish.”

A book ban, such as the one imposed on Rabbi Slifkin, is “not something I would do, but I understand the rationale as to why that’s being done, even if I don’t agree with it,” said Rabbi Tradburks, whose synagogue also hosted Rabbi Slifkin as a speaker when he was in Toronto.

* * *

Jonathan Ostroff, a computer science professor at York University who was authorized by Rabbi Miller to speak on his behalf, said that Rabbi Miller had no connection with the original ban on Rabbi Slifkin’s books and that he only issued his own condemnation of his work after he was asked for his opinion on the subject by members of his own community. The letter was intended only for his followers, and not for the general community, Ostroff said.

He also told The CJN that Rabbi Miller distinguishes between “operational science” and “origin science.” Operational science, which Rabbi Miller accepts, examines how things work in the universe, while origin science looks at what caused things to begin.

Ostroff stressed that there is a difference between disagreeing with someone, and hating or looking down on them. “We object to his views, not to him as a person,” Ostroff said. In fact, he said, when Rabbi Slifkin came to Toronto to speak at the Torah in Motion event, he was invited to speak to Rabbi Miller and Ostroff, but was “unresponsive.”

“We would still be willing to talk to him anytime,” Ostroff said.

He added that, for a time, he was involved in dialogue with Rabbi Slifkin, both via the Internet and other means. “I wanted to continue the dialogue, but he cut it off. I don’t believe he wants to discuss substantive issues.”

When contacted by The CJN, Rabbi Slifkin said he had been advised by two Canadian rabbis against meeting with Rabbi Miller, because the rabbis felt the purpose of the meeting would be to try to change his views and not to have an open discussion of the issues.

Rabbi Slifkin added that he stopped his online communication with Ostroff “when the pressures of the ban began.” He said that at that time, his posts on an online discussion group were being passed on “to non-participants in order to stir up opposition to me. I have absolutely no idea what Dr. Ostroff means when he says that I don’t want to discuss substantive issues. I have done nothing else for the last few years!”

* * *

What makes the Slifkin affair unique, according to Yossi Adler, a Toronto lawyer who wrote about the controversy in a CJN column in January, is that in similar past cases, other people have retracted the material that was deemed offensive, “and everything [was] fine and dandy.”

Not only did Rabbi Slifkin not retract his assertions, Adler said, but rabbis who condemned his work went beyond banning his books to condemn him personally.

“It’s censorship,” said Adler, who fears that if someone like Rabbi Slifkin, who is part of the haredi community, can be singled out, then everyone is “potentially a target.”

To a lesser extent, Adler was singled out for his CJN column by some Orthodox Jews who criticized him for airing the issue in public. “They don’t understand that this is a significant issue that merits discussion and analysis,” he said, adding that the response he received to his column was overwhelmingly – perhaps 95 per cent – positive.

The naysayers are “creating an environment where debate is non-existent or only discussed behind closed doors, and that’s regrettable,” said Adler.

He also noted that some haredi Jews feel he and others are “right-wing bashing” out of enjoyment, an accusation he denies. “We came from that world. We feel an affinity to that world, and we care about its direction.”

The bans are increasing in number and seriousness, says Adler, who was raised in the “yeshiva world” but has moved toward what he terms “centrist” Orthodoxy. “I prefer the more centrist [community],” he said. “They’re less likely to build walls and to exclude what modernity has to offer. They’re more interested in secular education, and more Zionistic.

“As each group has become more confident, they feel they can live independently. I feel a significant disrespect [on the part of the haredi community toward] non-Orthodox and less Orthodox Jews.”

A lot of the haredi “suspicion” toward the outside world stems from a perceived breakdown of morality, as exemplified by societal changes that include same-sex marriage and sexual promiscuity, Adler explained.

“They will exclude media from their households. A lot of stuff in the media today is very trashy. At the same time, I think they’re throwing out the baby with the bathwater.

“It was probably like that before,” he admitted, “but not to the same extent, and they weren’t as bold in the way they impose certain rules in the community.”

Rabbi Miller “has a brilliant mind and is well versed in the sources,” said Adler. “No one’s willing to stand up and say that [what he is saying] is not acceptable, or that this is a stringency going beyond what the community requires.”

Adler said that, as a result, “there are people who have considered walking away from Orthodoxy.”

* * *

Not all rabbis were as forthcoming as Rabbi Tradburks when asked to be interviewed for this article. One said he didn’t even want to be quoted as saying that he declined to comment.

When asked repeatedly about the issue of possible repercussions for people who might challenge the growing influence of haredi religious leaders and practices, Ostroff’s only comments had to do with the reaction that Rabbi Miller has received for publicly expressing his own views.

“He has had repercussions for defending Torah Judaism. Should not a Torah teacher stand up for Torah? That’s what he did. Should he allow people to wallow in ignorance?”

Ostroff added that Rabbi Miller expected that he would face consequences for speaking out, just as anybody who comments publicly on any issue would. “But you have to protect your children, and you have to protect the truth of Torah.”

* * *

Martin Lockshin, a York University professor who is an ordained Orthodox rabbi, remains sanguine about the current environment in the Orthodox world.

The former director of York’s Centre for Jewish Studies says he still feels at home in most places in the Orthodox community and is heartened by the presence of Modern Orthodox institutions in the city, citing the examples of Netivot HaTorah Day School, and Bnei Akiva’s Ulpanat Orot and Or Chaim high schools.

“I see something like Torah In Motion, which tries to do intellectual types of things, as a positive force in the city,” he said.

“I know there are people I see as kindred spirits who I can talk to, who unabashedly call themselves Modern Orthodox.”

However, he noted, “it may be a well-placed concern that congregational rabbis find themselves in the difficult position – the modern centrist liberal kinds – worried about losing their bona fides because of a possible attack from the ultra-Orthodox.”

At his own synagogue, Congregation Bnai Torah, which has a more right-wing philosophy than his own, the rabbi “has been very tolerant of me,” Lockshin said.

* * *

Rabbi Immanuel Schochet, a retired philosophy professor at Humber College and a leader of the Lubavitch movement in Toronto, said the Jewish community has been inundated with dissent and anger, as well as stringencies that go beyond halachah in an attempt to protect tradition.

“We live in a society where under the guise of political correctness, all systems are go. Moral boundaries which were observed by everyone are being trampled,” he said by way of explanation. In today’s “permissive, licentious society,” observant Jews try to take precautions, he added.

Like immunizations, “we may inject kids with poisons to protect them” – in other words, expose them to the non-Jewish world so that they are equipped to deal with it. Or, he added, observant Jews may try to defend tradition by creating more closed enclaves and putting up behavioural fences such as not allowing television or Internet in the home, in an effort to circle the wagons around the community’s children. “It’s not foolproof, but it’s an attempt to protect kids and the young from being corrupted.”

The ideal, he said, is “the golden middle path,” though he admits this path is hard to find.

Rabbi Schochet added that there is “great hostility” within the Orthodox community, which he said comes from divisions that are more about ego than personal ideology.

There is a fight over “my gedolim [rabbinic sages] vs. your gedolim – my way or the highway,” he said, adding that this is not what the pursuit of Torah means. “You have to realize that you aren’t God’s policeman.”

There is nothing wrong with having a difference of opinion, so long as the discussion is kept to the issue and avoids the personal, he said. You condemn the act or action, not the person doing it, he added.

For instance, different schools serve different parts of the Orthodox world, but they should still be conscious of the bonds between them. “I may not send my children to schools whose views I disagree with. But show hostility to them? No.”

Rabbi Schochet said he disagrees with the approach of those who banned Rabbi Slifkin’s book.

“The answer is not to ban a book – that just gives publicity, and popularizes it, the opposite of what is intended. The answer is to discuss, and to question, to say why you think he is wrong.”

You don’t argue with a Jewish heretic, said Rabbi Schochet, speaking hypothetically, and “banning went out with the dodo.” The rabbis who banned Rabbi Slifkin’s books have “moved beyond what society needs. They shot themselves in the foot.”

“Not that I necessarily disagree with their views, just their methods.”

As to whether the Orthodox community will ever be united in the future, Rabbi Schochet said he “won’t place any bets on it. But then, that’s one good reason to hope for the coming of Moshiach.”

Frum Weddings Rock!

2006-08-28T10:17:00.000-07:00


A music video of a friend's wedding. - Not my friend! This is a video clip someone posted on Google Video of a Jewish Orthodox Wedding. Well,the Men's side of the dancing at least.

wedding
wedding+video
orthodox+jewish

Marco Tempest Aquarium Magic

2006-08-21T16:21:00.000-07:00

バーチャルマジック2006 - Marco Tempest Aquarium Magic

more magic

Search Swicki

2006-08-20T13:57:00.000-07:00

I added a search feature at the bottom of this blog.

Please try it out and let me know what you think.

It's a "learning" and "trainable" search engine.

Compare to Google.

chat frum / yidchat.com = 10,000 hits! yay!

2006-08-17T09:15:00.000-07:00

Wow 10,000 hits! Yay!

Frum chat, www.yidchat.com is where it's at!

Help Save Google!

2006-08-16T13:13:00.000-07:00

Google needs your help.

http://googleblog.blogspot.com/2006/08/thanks-for-checking-out-google.html

They are resorting to selling T-shirts to keep the doors open.

yidden chat!

2006-08-16T09:42:00.000-07:00

http://yidchat.com

Where are you frum?

Satmar Squabble Rages On

2006-08-15T09:43:00.000-07:00

By GIMPEL the SHISTER, HasidicNews.com Writer

WILLIAMSBURG (HN) - The squabbling between the two Satmar Newspapers "Der Yid" and "Das Blat" rages on.

Originally "Der Yid" was the only Satmar newspaper. When the Satmar Congregation split into the Zalmen and Aaron teams, Der Yid ended up as expected in the hands of Zalmen. Aaron's people launched "Das blat as a way of asserting their independence and counter the pro-Zalmen Der Yid.

One of the ironic outcomes of this inner squabbling is the shedding of some traditional no-no's like pictures. Der Yid never used to show any pictures. Das Blat in an attempt to attract readers and perhaps convert them to their cause, started showing pictures. Der Yid quickly followed suit.

One notable prevailing attitude is for one paper not to discuss any news occurring in its opponents team. This is somewhat odd, but quite common in the Satmar world. Ever since Satmar started fighting Belz about 15 years ago, Satmar official media never mentioned anything about Belz, including The Belze Rebbe's highly-publicized visit to the US about seven years ago.

Jewish Chat Portal - New Website

2006-08-14T07:46:00.000-07:00

The new website serves as a Chat Portal or "chortle" ;)

Please bookmark http://www.yidchat.com

Comments and suggestions are welcome.

Come, share, chat!

Please link freely!

If have a link of interest to share please let me know.

Your resource for Jewish Chat!

Aish video on Media Arabic Fraud

2006-08-13T14:43:00.000-07:00

Photo Fraud Changes War Perceptions - video powered by Metacafe

I'm sure you've all seen this, but good work showing Anti-Israel media fraud.

Cool Video - Link to it!

2006-08-13T12:11:00.000-07:00

Killer Move - video powered by Metacafe

CHAT TRANSCRIPT - TALMUD

2006-08-08T15:43:00.000-07:00

Talmud
Dr. Joel Roth · February 24, 1998

JOEL ROTH:
Hello everyone. My name is Joel Roth. I am a Professor of Talmud at the Jewish Theological Seminary.

About a year ago I agreed to experiment with a course in Talmud on the Internet, and never have had such an exciting educational experience. In our first year we had about six TA's and me working out a course with about 50 students from all over the country. It was really an experience tailoring the study of Talmud to this medium.

In the long run, I think we did a good job. What we ended up doing was focusing on small selections of Talmud which featured structures of argument. I don't know whether those in the Chat room have an idea of what I am talking about. The Talmud uses some set patterns of questioning in order to clarify and explain, and we focused on those. It worked pretty well.

This year we are doing it again with a variety of groups from all over the country. It is amazing. For a guy who started this process as almost a computer illiterate, I never cease to be amazed.

Anyhow, I don't think you need to hear from me endlessly. Just know that I believe that the study of Talmud is the key to the Jewish soul. That is why it is studied, and that is why it ought to be studied.

Now, I am ready for your questions or comments. Thanks for listening. You don't necessarily have to stick to my introductory remarks.

JOSHUA HELLER (MODERATOR):
This is Joshua Heller

I'll be moderating- when you folks post your questions, I'll pass them along to Rabbi Roth. (he can't neccesarily see everything typed in this window if people type a lot while he's also typing) Anyone have any thoughts? Maxine- I know that you are in one of the adult ed sections.

AIMEE LINGMAN IN CANADA:
Hi again Joel. I'm not Jewish, so I hope you don't mind if I ask some fairly basic questions.....

JACOB IN MADISON, WI:
Why was the decision made to teach Talmud online--between the relative obscurity of the text and the language challenges, I would have thought that literature would be an easier project for online education.

MAXINE COHEN LANDO IN MIAMI:
I am looking forward to making some connections to today's laws and mores, and perhaps looking for some keys to our own continuity as Jews as well as the universal wisdom I hope to find for society as a whole. Somehow we have been sustained as a people by our love of Torah and Talmud.

JOEL ROTH:
Literature might be easier, but not more important. We tried to figure out a way to make it comprehensible even in this medium, Jacob.

AIMEE LINGMAN IN CANADA:
Ok. Let's totally put my ignorance on display with one wild blow. What who/is Talmud?

JOEL ROTH:
Aimee, don't feel bad about asking fundamental questions.
Talmud, basically, is a long commentary on the Torah, written over a span of about 700 years. It is divided into two parts. The Mishnah, 63 small volumes, topically organized, written and edited in about 200 of the Common Era. And the Gemara, which is an expansive commentary and discussion of the Mishnah. Together these constitute the Talmud. When we speak of "The Rabbis," we generally mean the sages of this literature. To say a commentary on the Torah is a bit of an oversimplification, but not entirely false. They lived in Israel and in Babylonia, beginning about 200 Before the common Era, until about 500 After the Common Era.

AIMEE LINGMAN IN CANADA:
Who is responsible for the writing of the Talmud?

JOEL ROTH:
A word to Maxine, if she is still there.

MAXINE COHEN LANDO IN MIAMI:
Rabbi, Is there a different religious significance to Talmud--that is, do Jews consider it having a divine inspiratioon or is it a human interpretation of Torah?

JOEL ROTH:
Maxine, the Talmud remains the basic text of Jewish law to this day. All legalists look to it as the ultimate authority. But, it takes some time to learn how to use it correctly.

Whether to consider the Talmud directly Divine depends on one's theological perspective.

AIMEE LINGMAN IN CANADA:
So today's legal system is based on the Talmud?

JOEL ROTH:
Some Orthodox rabbis would make that claim, but most Conservative rabbis would recognize it as human.

Aimee, yes, today's Jewish legal system is still based on the Talmud. Of course, a lot has happened since the Talmud, and the system has not stood still, but still we are based on it. It is sort of like saying that the American system is still based on the Constitution even though you couldn't just read the Constitution itself. Is this at all clear?

MARTIN KAMINER IN NEW YORK:
I might add that the centrality of Talmud to Judaism cannot be overstated, that it is the sole focus of traditional Jewish education beyond a young age, occluding even Bible study. Is this right? Meaning 'accurate', not 'justified'

MAXINE COHEN LANDO IN MIAMI:
I have heard and read many sayings and stories form Talmud as well, things that are not purely law.

JOEL ROTH:
There is no question that classical Jewish education was heavily weighted to Talmud. Kids studied Talmud forever. Bible was not so often studied separately from it.

Joshua Heller in New York
I asked Rabbi Roth what he meant by that..

JOEL ROTH:
Maxine is, of course, correct. The Talmud is much more than purely law. Remember I said that the Gemara is expansive. Part of that entails wide-reaching discussion of things that are not strictly legal at all. All of the stuff is there because the encounter with the Divine takes forms beyond the law, too.

MAXINE COHEN LANDO IN MIAMI:
I look forward to our course. I've got to put my kids to bed. Goodnight.

JOEL ROTH:
Nice to meet you.

Back to an earlier comment of Josh's. It seems that in the Middle Ages they studied Bible in addition to Talmud. The yeshivot of Europe put much less emphasis on Bible.

Aimee and Jacob, have you got anything else to ask or comment on? Don't be bashful!

JOSHUA HELLER IN NEW YORK:
Are there any more questions?

MARTIN KAMINER IN NEW YORK:
I never understood how Torah could be replaced as the primary text and object of study. What is the justification for this?

JOEL ROTH:
Jacob, have you ever tried to study Talmud?

Josh, since Torah means what the Sages of Israel say it means, which should be studied more, the Torah or the Sages?

JOSHUA HELLER IN NEW YORK:
Good question

JOEL ROTH:
How many study the Constitution today, as opposed to studying the Constitution as understood by the courts?

JACOB IN MADISON, WI:
Rabbi Roth--I studied it a while ago, but didn't really like it (too much obfuscation). I am, however, interested in new net initiatives, like learning, which is why I stopped by.

MARTIN KAMINER IN NEW YORK:
But the decisions of the courts can only be understood by lawyers. It's much easier for me to read the Mishna than the more circumlocutious commentaries as a lay person.

JOSHUA HELLER IN NEW YORK:
Let me suggest that we wrap up

Aimee- are you still out there?

MARTIN KAMINER IN NEW YORK:
OK, Rabbi Roth, how would you advise an interested lay person today to consider the place of Talmud?

JOSHUA HELLER IN NEW YORK:
Martin, I think you are "last question" unless Aimee has anything else.

JOEL ROTH:
Martin, the Talmud is still the soul of the Jew. It sometimes takes a little time, however, to appreciate it. That's why we're teaching this course. It is a first step.

MARTIN KAMINER IN NEW YORK:
Thank you Rabbi, and goodnight.

JACOB IN MADISON, WI:
'night, all.

JOEL ROTH:
I am convinced, however, that it has to be done through the text of the Talmud itself, not just talking about what the Talmud says.

JOSHUA HELLER IN NEW YORK:
Thanks everyone for participating.

The Seminary's distance learning project is sponsored by the Kaminer Family Foundation. If you'd like to learn more about Rabbi Roth's online course, or other courses, point your browser to http://www.jtsa.edu/ Goodnight everyone.

Islamic missionaries in Jewish Chat Rooms!

2006-08-08T15:35:00.000-07:00

Guest Name Yousef Al-Khattab
Subject A Former Jewish Settler's Journey to Islam
Date Tuesday,Jul 15 ,2003
Time Makkah
From... 18:30...To... 21:00
GMT
From... 15:30...To...18:00

Name
Host -
Profession
Answer Dear viewers,

The session has just started. You are invited to join us with your questions.

Yours,
Islamonline Live Dialogue Editing Desk

Name
Samir -
Profession
Question
Assalaam Aleikum brother.

May Allah use you for the service of His Deen. My question you have probably been asked many times in the past, however people want to know: Have you experienced opposition to your Islam from your parents?

Answer
Wa `Alaykum Assalam Wa Rahmatu Allahi Wa Barakatuh

In the name of Allah...

Yes, I no longer have contact with my family. We are not permitted to break family ties, but my family sided with the Jews and with the Jewish entity, and because of this we had no choice but to break contact at this time. The last thing that they told me was that I was barbaric.

Name
Abdisamad - United Kingdom
Profession Counsellor
Question
Assalaamu Alaikum,

As the case of yourself being a Jew living in Israel/Palestine and may be having Jewish relatives, how can you help non muslims particularly American and Europian Jews to understand that Islam is for ALL and no need for hating and killing for the sake of religion?

Answer
First of all, in terms of the best way to call to Islam, there is only one Manhaj, and that is the Manhaj of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and the three generations that followed (Companions and followers - Allah be well pleased with them). We must also use the 'ulama of all generations without innovating and making a new style of da`wa. The best way to prove Islam is for eveyone is to quote the Qur'an, and the only difference between us is Taqwa (God fearingness).

Also, the Prophet (pbuh) said that when finding a wife, one should take from far a way. So, Islam is not based on racism, and our evidence is the strongest evidence: God's Word and that of His Messanger (pbuh). We don't fight for hate of the kuffar. We fight for the sake of Allah alone, to stop those who try to kill us, those who occupy our land, and those who spread Munkar (evil), and those who teach foreign political ideology in our land, such as democracy, etc.

Name
Abdur Raheem -
Profession
Question
Assalamu alaikum.

What are the main differences in practising Judaism and Islam?

Answer
The main differences is Tawheed itself. The Jews believe in intercession, that they pray to the rabbi to interceed for them, or on the soul or the merit of the rabbi. Another important point is (and there are many) that Islam is a religion not based on men, whereas Judaism is a religion based on men. We have the Qur'an and the Sunnah.

If my sheikh cut his beard tomorrow, and he puts on a Jewish cap, and says, I am wrong and Jews are right, that does not affect me. My belief is based on a set law with the promise from Allah (swt) that it will never be changed. And in every masjid all over the world, the Qur'an you hear is the same Qur'an.

Jewdism on the other hand is based on "oral tradition" (i.e. the Talmud). One must ask: Why is the oral tradition in writing today? By the rabbis own admition, things have been forgotten. The Torah of today has eleven different letters. And the script is not the original text. And Alhamdullilah, Allah has blessed us with an easy religeon where many people are Hafiz (memorizers) of the Qur'an in every generation. Allah has blessed us with that.

Name
Muzammil - Malaysia
Profession
Question
Assalamu'alaikum,

Can you tell us how do you came to know about Islam and finally took the shahadah?

Answer
I met somebody, a brother, from the UAE, who took the time to go to a Jewish chat room and preach Islamic monotheism (Tawhid). We had a conversation that lasted about two years, until I read the Quran and could not resist Islam.

Truly, that is what I belive Judaism was supposed to be. If you go to the website: www.jewstoislam.com you can listen to the whole story.

Name
Noorani - Canada
Profession Project Management
Question
Assalaamu Alaikum Brother Yousef,

Welcome to the universal religion!

What does orthodox Judaism mean and contain?

Was-Salaam.

Answer
Judaism should really be called Rabbism. And it is based on God being racist, imperfect, and it is based on everything found in business dealings. Oh God, please don't forget your covenant, and give me this and this. Judaism originally is an Eastern religion, and when the Jews moved away from the Middle East, they lost most of their eastern ideas. That is except one concept: tribalism. And this in turn turned into racism.

Their faith is not based on the Torah, it is based on the Talmud, which as many Jews say, when you do Dawa to them, that the Sunnah is like the Talmud. This could not be more untrue, because authentic Sunnah never contradicts the Qur'an. Whereas the Talmud is the polar opposite of the Torah in its already corrupted form of today. You can see my web site and get more information about this.

Name
ramzi - Palestine
Profession barhum
Question
Asslaam aleikum wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatu

Brother what’s the best way for da'wa with Jews in these days? How do you see the concept of jihad today? And what is your advice for the Palestinians and the Muslims in this hard time?

Thank you and jazak Allahu kheir.

Answer
The best way of doing da'wa to the Jews is to make dialogue with them. They claim we have 1.5 billion Muslims, then why are not we Muslims in every Jewish forum posting questions, and asking about Tawhid? Why are not we Muslims in every Jewish chat room looking for those interested in Truth (Haq)?

And there are many ways, recently somebody, Palestinian Muslim has been sending instant messages via the IP numbers in all Jewish areas. May Allah reward him for this. Especially here in Falastin, in this Intifada, most of us have ample time to sit and think and be original, and effective in Da'wa. Our goal inshallah is to get to every Jewish house the message of Islam. We are presently working on translating the Quran into Hebrew, and the Jewstoislam website, will be published in Hebrew, due to the efforts of a Palestinian Muslim brother, inshallah.

As for Jihad, and I speak from the point of a Muslim in Palestine, we must fight them until they leave. In Islam Da'wa comes before Jihad. Now there is Da'wa site for Jews, Alhamdullilah. Now there are Palestinian Muslims living among the Jews, and preaching them. So there is no excuse why we should stop our resistance from Jewish occupation. So we must be firm, and we must put the cards on the table. This is what we have to offer. We invite you to live with us as brothers and sisters in Islam. If they refuse we invite them to live in peace with us under Islamic rule, as the Jews and Christian lived before the Jewish entity existed. And if they refuse this we must fight them till East meets West. And also it is important for them to understand that there are not "Israeli civilians". Thats based on my small knowledge of Shari'a, and Allah knows best.

To think the way the Prophet (pbuh) what he would he do in his hard time. By no means does this mean being soft on the Jews here, in the occupied Palestine 1948 and 1967. We must work on ourselves, our families, and our close friends, and we must make Dua'a for our rulers (Hukkam) to impliment Islam in Palestine, to close the casino in Jericho, and to close the bars in Ramallah. And may Allah guide our political leaders here. We must return to the way of Salaf Al-Saleh. We must support Dawa'a to the Yahood, and we must support the Islamic resistant in Palestine, and Allah knows that.

Name
Abdur Raheem -
Profession
Question
Assalamu alaikum

I would like you to pinpoint the reason how and why you became Muslim.

Plus any tips or points to consider when giving da'wah to Jews?

Jazak Allah khair

Answer
The specific reason is Tawheed Roboobia and Uloohia, and every Muslim has to study this and the books of the Jews and compare. Go into the chat rooms, and do not speak, just analyze. Learn exactly how they think and to understand their mentality. And before all of this we ask Allah to open their hearts to Islam, and thats just one of the few ways.

By the way, there is a link for a free course, how to be a successful caller to Islam. You can find it on my web site: www.jewstoislam.com

Name
hamdy - Anguilla
Profession
Question
Salaam Aleikum.

Brother, what is your opinion of the man called Sharon?

Answer
My opinion is: He is no different than Neutri Karta, the "Zionist Jews." They are "Maghdoobi Alayhem" (recipients of Allah's Wrath), and in the Quran, they are "Yahood, and Bani Israel." This is the title that is given to them. Really, I was no different from Sharon, I was a Zionist. It is not important what we or I think about a person. Many Christians like Muslims, as do many Jews and many Hindus. But many dislike us. The question is, what does Allah (swt) say about these people, and do we have the right to be pleased with those whom Allah (swt)is not pleased with.

Name
Abul Qasas - United States
Profession
Question
Assalammu Alaikum,

Mashallah bro you're getting famous lol.

: D

Answer
Thank you very much, and may our inner good exceed our outer.

Name
Muzammil - Malaysia
Profession Engineer
Question
Assalamu'alaikum,

Based on your own experience of being on the 'other side of the fence', what would be the best way to bring peace to the Palestinians as well as Jews?

Or would the real peace be impossible to achieve?

Some people present ideas that the majority of religious Jews oppose the Zionists' harsh treatment of Palestinians? How true is the statement? I see on the TV the Israeli cabinet are also joined by religious Jews.

Thanks

Answer
First of all, I am not a politician. I will leave issues concerning politics in Palestine to the elected Palestinian officials. Personally, and religiously, I have no peace with the Jews. This is based on history, they've broken every convenant, they've killed prophets, and as far as I am concerened, I have no peace with them, nor that Islam has peace with them, except through the Jizya.

Again I repeat, I don't speak for the Palestinians, and I don't have knowledge to speak for the Muslims. This is a personal opinion, and Allah knows best.

We must try to save the Jews from the most evil of the Jews, which are the rabbi followers, the rabbinical Jews.

Name
Naveed - Canada
Profession
Question
Salaamz:

What was your opinion on so-called Jewish holocaust before Islam? What do you think of so-called Jewish holocaust now after being a Muslim?

Can you also tell me what is a general thinking of Jews in Israel and America regarding Palestine? Does the opinion of American and Canadian Jews differ from Jews in Israel over the illegality of the Israeli state and the occupation of Palestine?

Answer
I believe that the holocaust did take place before I was a Muslim. And today, I still believe that some Jews were killed, but I think the 6 million number is not correct. And we sympathize with them as we sympathize with all the Russians who were killed, the Greeks, the Polish, and all those who were killed.

I believe today the letter "S" in holocaust should be changed to a dollar sign "$". I believe that after instituting an Islamic or Palestinian state, we the Muslims and Palestinians in occupied Palestine should be recompensed for the suffering put on us by the Jewish state.

Many Jews have a different opinion, and really their opinions are meaningless to me, because unlike Hizb Al-Tahreer, who try to make Muslims think that America and the Jews control the world, the truth is Tawakkul is in the hand of Allah (swt) alone. There is an Ayah in the Qur'an "Any good is from Allah, and bad is from our own hands". The real issue is we have to fix ourselves if we want to free Palestine. And maybe before we do Jihad on the Yahood, perhaps we do Jihad on some Arabic music video channels.

Name
Dionisis (Ennes) -
Profession
Question
As-Salamu aleikum.

I a Greek converted Muslim also and I pray to Allah for your well being and happiness in this world and the after one. My question is: How do the people around you react I mean non-Muslim Israelites? And do they "persecute" you for being a muslim? I wish all the best to you and may Allah shower His Mercy to you and your family.

As-Salam Aleikum

Answer
First of all I don't live in a Jewish area; I live in a Palestinian Muslim area. Yes, there is discrimination. Yes, I have been beaten by Jewish soldiers. But not as bad as the people in the West Bank and Gaza.

I am sorry I don't have any great stories to tell about the suffering that I go through here, and I am sure that I am not suffering as much as brothers Muslims in Afganistan are suffering under the US implemented pupet, or as are Muslim brothers suffering in the American concentration camp in occupied Cuba.

Chat

2006-08-08T15:30:00.000-07:00

As I sat there, my eyes carefully analyzing the screen, I could see the words clearly, but believing what I was seeing was simply impossible. Hatred is inescapable. In a world full of different races, religions, and beliefs, everyone is a target for ignorant, stereotypical ridicule. However, I was unaware that Internet chat rooms have become a stage for this form of racism. It is pathetic that people are forced to sit in front of their computers, a time in which most like to escape from the harsh realities of every day life, and be subjected to hatred at every push of a button.

Before I entered the Jewish chat room, I had no preconceptions as to what I would experience. It was with this in mind that I converted to the Jewish religion (for one hour) and entered the chat room with a completely open mind. When I first arrived, I was confronted with daily conversation - the type you would have with your next-door neighbor. One person asked, “Is anyone a Giants fan?” There was nothing about the chat that would indicate it being conducted by Jewish people. It was simply occupied by a group of people. The attitude of the room however, soon vanished with the entrance of a few narrow-minded wastes of space.

“The only good Jew is a dead one!” flashed boldly across the screen. At first, everyone in the room carried on the previous conversation, which had to do with daily jobs, and simply ignored the racist comment. “I am Hitler!” came up on the screen just as bold as the first message, but obviously carrying much more sentimental weight. The comment did not go ignored. Most stated the fact that it was probably written by a child, but it was obvious the message was taken to heart. Just following the aftermath of the last comment, a new person enters the room only to deliver the message, “I can sense the greed in here amongst the Jews.” In a matter of seconds, six people left the room. The ones who chose to stay only became witness to more hateful comments. “Anyone here have a big nose?” Some of those that remained chose to put the racists on ignore, but most continued to leave. At this point I was at a complete loss for words. I just sat back in amazement and watched the chat vanish into thin air.

In conclusion, people are people. Whether someone is black, white, Asian, gay, Jewish, or Catholic, we all are bonded by daily life and the feelings and emotions that characterize the human race. It was truly sad to see the chat room overcome by hatred, but it made me realize the ignorant ridicule certain people are faced with on a daily basis. This observation gave me the opportunity to sit inside someone else’s skin, even if just for a moment, and experience their experiences, feel their feelings, and witness the hate of others.

You want I should Cyber?

2006-08-08T15:16:00.000-07:00

If you believe the ads (and God help you if you do), absolutely everyone's on AOL these days. Internet purists sneer at those poor nebbishes with AOL accounts (near as I can tell, the pecking order goes like this: free provider, .edu, aol.com, webtv.com -- you're only allowed to make fun of someone else's connection if you're actually paying for your connection and getting as little actual service as possible, which fits neatly into the ideals of geek macho. But I digress) but the sad truth is, it's big. According to friends with a great deal more money than I have, it's also the favored provider of the entertainment industry; after all, it's supposedly about the only net that provides really easy worldwide connectivity and when you're pulling down $12M per picture plus a personal hairdresser, you really don't need to have to worry about anything other than hitting the pretty buttons in the right order.

Still, AOL's clearly built its customer base out of people besides celebrities. The thing is durn huge, after all. Like it or not, geek purists, it does offer a fair bit of easily found (if not easily loaded) content, including some surprisingly effective communities, education centers and support groups. However, if anyone tells you that he's on AOL because of the vast intellectual resources there, he's probably lying. The useful stuff is nice, but the vast majority of AOL users hit the service for three reasons: stock quotes, email, and chat. (Porn takes too long to download through the AOL web browser, or so I've been told. Never looked at it myself. No, really. Honest.)

Chat on AOL is seemingly designed for those folks who never quite got the knack of TinyMUDding. Basically, all you do is click on a link to a room and there you go. Rooms generally hold 23 or so people at the max, with conversation appearing in text with a screen name attribution. Clever folks can change their chat font, color and size, while truly annoying ones make a habit of calling AOL's built-in sounds and annoying the living hell out of everyone else in the room. There are roughly umpty-jillion chat rooms on the service, broken down by topic. Most are fairly innocuous -- sports is a favorite topic, and there are innumerable ones devoted to books, geographic locations, auto repair, Britney Spears and the like -- but there's one particular subheading that sticks out like a red, throbbing thumb. That's Romance, and it's a doozy. On any given night, there are at a rough estimate 300+ Romance-themed chat rooms going, in theory broken down by special romantic interest. In actuality, that means that 75% of the rooms are supposedly devoted to lesbians of one stripe or another -- butch, femme, older, younger, heavier, lighter, fans of Michael Bolton, you name it -- though the sneaking suspicion here is that to populate this many chat rooms, either AOL's managed to get every lesbian on the planet hooked up and chatting or there are a lot of pathetic male pervs smarming around these things trying to look innocuous and drooling discreetly on their unshaven chins.

The rest of the chat rooms are dedicated to other topics, ranging from "Flirting" to various ethnic groups to "Married" (which never quite made sense to me -- if I were going to have an affair with someone who was married, I'd find a more discreet way to initiate the bloody thing than via AOL. Then again, that's just me). If the particular room you select is full, you get automatically bounced to a similar room with a sequential title, such as "Flirt's Nook 3" or "No Really We're All Lesbians In Here Despite The Fact That Our Online Profiles Say That We're All Named Ralph 6" though it's generally a good idea to be careful in the room you select -- any other AOL user seeking to locate you will be able to get the name of the chat room you're in, and if it's "Barely Legal Nymphomaniacs 2" you may have some interesting questions to answer.

Now, you may be wondering where all this is going. (Either that, or you've stopped reading, in which case I don't have to care about what you think anymore anyway.) The sad truth of the matter is that I have a confession to make. Alone in a fairly inhospitable state, 400 miles from my SO, bored to tears with the local cable offerings and stricken with insomnia, I broke down and, in the interest of doing research, wandered into the shark tank they call AOL Chat.

But, being a conscientious sort, I didn't just wander into any AOL chat room. I wasn't interested in the baseball chat (which consists mainly of fair-weather Yankees fans whose primary interest is in telling everyone else that other teams "fuckin' suck and that the Yankees RULE!" Incidentally, doing so is an AOL Terms of Service violation, but that's neither here nor there), nor was I after anything too educational. Instead, I muttered a silent Shema, mentally asked all pertinent parties for forgiveness, and leapt into possibly the most frightening place on all of AOL: Romance -- Jewish Singles.

Now, before anything else gets said, let me say that there are a surprising number of interesting, well-spoken, interesting folks lurking in that particular specie of chat room. In my time there, I found myself having challenging discussions on medical ethics, the publishing industry, and print vs. online journalism. There are a lot of people out there who, for one reason or another, do feel isolated from their culture, and figure that a place called "Jewish Singles" is a good place at least to get a vicarious shot of it. To those people, I am quite grateful, and I fully expect I'll stay in at least occasional contact over email with some of them, because good conversation is good conversation no matter where you find it. On the other hand, there are some real freaks out there, too, and it's the pathology of the scary ones that's worth commenting on.

To no one's surprise, the regular residents of Jewish Singles can be pigeonholed into a few neat categories, with relatively few stragglers. Indeed, most nights bring to mind echoes of Steve Martin's individualist pledge, with dozens of hairy-chested and beyarmulked guys thumping on their pecs and trying to prove they're individuals by aping every other guy in there. Thankfully, the monotony does get broken up on occasion. The classic types of attendee are:

THE CRUISERS
Surprisingly enough, a large percentage of the people who frequent the room are actually looking for romance, to one degree or another -- at least if your definition of romance is broad enough to include "typing naughty words at one another with one hand on the keyboard." The vast majority of these randomized Romeos are, shockingly enough, male; women are rare enough in the room to be able to sit there, pick and choose between suitors. However, there's a never-ending flow of would-be swains. Most arrive and perform the ritual self-statting, which generally reads "M/34/NYC" (though New York can be swapped out approximately 50% of the time for Los Angeles, or occasionally Boston. As near as I can tell, if AOL is a representative sample there are no unattached Jews anywhere outside those three cities. Fortunately, I'm happily attached, but clearly, were anything to go wrong with my relationship I'd have to choose between moving to Boston, LA or NY, or never getting any rabbinically appropriate nookie again.)

Sadly, most of the Cruisers are pathetically predictable. After announcing their age, gender (as if we couldn't guess) and location, they then proceed to ask if there are any "females" from their neck of the woods in the room. Why precisely they ask for "females" instead of "women" is one of the great mysteries of online romance; one would think they're actually alien zookeepers looking to stock their collections, or perhaps third year genetics student who struck out with the local representatives of the Wanda Tishler School of Beauty. They also eagerly greet anyone with a female-sounding screen name who enters the room, and they have a habit of being depressingly literal. One woman whose sarcastic screen name implied that she was less than attractive precisely to fend off this sort of idiot instead got buried in questions asking if she really was in fact ugly. Last time I checked, she'd taken to emailing out a scanned picture of a supermodel in answer to that sort of question, just to really blow the average goofball's mind. And yes, the Cruisers are very much in the market for pictures, or "pics" as they call them. Any woman who shows the slightest inclination toward conversation is immediately hounded for a pic; any woman who refuses to send one around is badgered, castigated and in many cases denigrated if she refuses to send along a GIF. Thankfully, when it gets to the last stage the rest of the room usually gets together to beat the offender over the head with a stick, though most sadly have no idea that they're committing harassment instead of being persistent, devoted and charming.

Generally, the Cruisers are sadly indiscriminatory. They'll take romance wherever they get it, and they're impossible to discourage. If the first 37 women into the chat room all tell a particular cruiser to go blow, he'll live in hope that the 38th will swoon for him. The brassiest simply announce their studliness and ask who might be interested in a little cyber horizontal rhumba; the shyer ones sometimes just cruise user profiles and send painfully blunt Instant Messages. Either way, the success rate looks to be appallingly low, as the same guys are there night after night after night.

THE NAZIS AND THE PREACHERS
While these two categories can be distinct, they generally behave in ways that are indistinguishable. The twits in the former generally come into the room and announce themselves with something along the line of "WASSUP MY JEWS????" Few have online profiles and most have screen names that end in 4-digit numbers, which indicates that the particular account being used was registered simply for the purpose of wandering around and harassing assorted folks. (Well, either that or that the idiot at the keyboard can't even figure out AOL's Profile menu, which tells you all you need to know about the staggering intellects we're dealing with here.)

Some don't even bother with that, and dive right into the baiting with comments like "HIEL HITLER," "NO PLACE FOR JEWS IN AMERIKKA" or, my favorite, "HILTER" repeated five or ten times. Hilter, it seems, was the guy no one knew about in the Third Reich, but somehow these bozos have uncovered his existence and feel determined to venerate him online in Jewish chat rooms. The other possibility is that they're really, really dumb, but who'd think that American neo-Nazis on AOL would be less than intellectual titans? Not I, certainly -- not in a thousand years. (Note: Correcting the spelling of your average AOL Naziwannabee generally gets you insulted as a know-it-all Jew by the idiot in question and draws laughs from the rest of the room. Try it. It's fun.)

On average, anywhere from two to five nerdoNazis will pop up in a Jewish Singles room over the course of an evening, often in clusters. They make crude sexual comments, mistype Hitler's name a lot, and occasionally make threats -- I've received about a dozen of the latter myself, including one that was specific enough to make me change my user profile to be a hell of a lot less specific about myself. At any given point, one member of the room will go toe to toe with the yahoos in an attempt to make them go away (or to win points with potential admirers); wiser users simply toggle on the "Ignore" function after sending AOL notice that, yes, there are more assholes annoying the paying customers. Once the Nazis stop getting reactions, they tend to wander off, no doubt to harass some other specialty chat room, but in the meantime they've left behind annoyance at best, and some real anger at worst.

How to Spot A Nazi In Jewish Singles

1. Most nerdoNazis have screen names that have four digit numbers at the end of them and no attached profiles. This means that the screen name in question is designed to be easily abandoned and not easily traceable (never mind the fact that AOL can, if it really wants to, just see whose name is on the credit card paying for the account)

2. A lot of nerdoNazis TEND TO TYPE IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. They tend to think this somehow makes the text appear louder, God alone knows why. Near as I can tell, silent text is silent text, and it's not like typing in capitals increases the font size any.

3. NerdoNazis, if attempting to camouflage their intents, generally try to strike up conversations with lines like "Where are all the hot Jewish females at?" Now, I've been a Nice Jewish Boy for nearly 30 years, and I have to say, Jewish women (not "females") are only hot when they're visiting elderly relatives in South Florida. Then, they do something called "perspiring," "shvitzing" or "glowing" -- not "online chatting." Jewish women can be and frequently are attractive, stunning, beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, alluring, charming, seductive and any number of other adjectives designed to demonstrate how attractive they are, but they are not now and never will be "hot" -- at least, not in the minds of Nice Jewish Boys like me.

4. NerdoNazis are depressingly literal. If the word "black" is in your screen name, they will assume that you are in fact African-American and begin using racial epithets as well. (The whole idea of "goth culture" seems to have escaped them, big surprise.)

Similar in approach are the Preachers, who view the Jewish chat rooms as fertile ground for new converts. Apparently no one informed these bozos that the reason people go to Jewish chat rooms is to be with other Jews, but hey, it's a free country, and there's certainly no mohel's proof of purchase check at the door to the chat room. However, once the Preachers set up shop inside, all hell generally does tend to break loose. The Nazis, as vile as they are, can generally be laughed at because their attempts at antiSemitism are so pathetic. The Preachers, on the other hand, never, ever let it go, and their condescension can empty a room of its intended users in seconds flat. Now, I may be in the minority here, but on a certain level I think it's kind of sweet that someone else cares enough about my soul to try to save it. However, I'd really prefer it if religious proselytizers behaved more like long distance company reps. I'd love to be able to say to an online Jesus freak "Thank you, but I'm very happy with the service I'm getting from my current religion, and have no interest in changing," have them wish me a nice day and then hang up and stop bothering me. Unfortunately, the bulk of the Preachers who wander into Jewish Singles have the mentality of a starving rat terrier. They're not fishermen for souls, they're spiritual Ahabs, careening pell-mell toward Moby (circumcised) Dick (one presumes in this analogy that the giant whale has laid off of the giant squid in its diet, as calamari ain't kosher) in a ruinous quest that has no chance of succeeding, but every chance of pissing a whole lot of people off.

The approach that the Preachers use is curious at best; one assumes it's copied from a real-life model somewhere because on its own, it really doesn't make a lot of sense. Generally, a Preacher announces that he's there to save everyone in the room (bright ones send in plants beforehand to say "Let's listen to what he has to say!" before revealing their true colors), gets huffy when he doesn't exactly meet a receptive audience, and then spends the rest of the night alternately insulting and cozening his targets. Telling someone that he's a damned, hateful soul who rejects God's love, and then asking him to reject a central tenet of his personality and culture works about as well as you might think it does, and repetitions of the cycle generally don't help much.

Occasionally Bible quotations get dragged in to support the Preacher's argument, with various chunks of Isaiah being particular favorites. To no one's surprise, the quotes in question are generally vague or taken way the hell out of context, and also seem to have been fed to the Preachers to repeat by rote. Quoting anything that wasn't what a Preacher was directly prepared to discuss (Go on, challenge a proselytizer on something from the Book of Habbakuk. Five bucks says they'll have no idea what you're talking about) tends to result in stammers, long silences, and more insults. Preachers generally last longer than nerdoNazis do, and it often takes an AOL online host to haul them out. One suspects that there's some sort of organized effort to land these people in the Jewish chat rooms continually, as all of them sound so similar and till the same soil. However, if there's a less likely batch of converts than geeky, horny, insomniac Jews, I don't know what it is, and I'm all for whatever bunch of nimrods funds the Preachers continuing to waste their money beating their empty heads against a figurative brick wall.

MORE JEW THAN YOU
Now, it goes without saying that there are different degrees of observance among Jews in America, and it's no surprise that you get a fairly wide cross-section in the Jewish Singles room. Myself, I tend toward the lighter side of the occasion, but I think it's great that there are folks holding conversations in Hebrew in there and otherwise discussing aspects of the religion and culture that, for whatever reason, I don't partake of. However, there are also those geniuses who feel compelled (maybe it's a mating ritual. I dunno) to let everyone else in the room know how utterly concerned they are with Jewish IssuesTM, more so than anyone else there, and how anyone who doesn't take Jewish IssuesTM as seriously as they do is threatening the survival of the Jewish people as a whole. Declarations like these are often followed up by announcements of personal suffering that the announcer has gone through because he's Jewish, and a general denunciation of any non-Jews in the room. (Yeah, we let them in. Most are pretty nice and are genuinely curious about what the heck Judaism is. Call me crazy, but isn't that sort of tolerance and curiosity exactly what American freedom of religion is all about? Sheesh.)

Now, rest assured that I take Jewish issues (with a small "I") very seriously, and I have nothing but respect for those who take serious action to make this country and world a better, safer place to be Jewish in. On the other hand, I find it impossible to respect anyone who takes the totality of Jewish struggle in America and boils it down to "I'm the boss of this chat room."

(I'll put it another way: Look, pal, if you're really that into Jewish IssuesTM, go out and do something that puts your money where your mouth is. You'll actually be accomplishing something and odds are, you'll meet more than the 23 Jews a given chat room can hold. If, on the other hand, you're only interested in pontificating about your shtick, shaddup, get a lollipop and move on, because odds are that everyone in the room's gone through something similar to what you have. We've just got other things to talk about on occasion.)

Still, these jokers continue to show up and shake their tiny fists at the world. Unfortunately for them, in a chat room letting loose your barbaric yawp across the rooftops of the world generally reads like this: yawp. The rest of us, on the other hand, are quite grateful for that fact.

THE SNIPERS
This, in the end, is the category that I fell into. Snipers generally sit back, absent themselves from the conversation, and take potshots at people making particular asses of themselves in the room. The majority of Snipers I talked to already were involved in stable relationships, and their reasons for coming to the chat room could be boiled down to "watching the circus." Most spend their energy in private conversation that's struck up after a particularly witty public evisceration of some poor fool or other. What the Snipers don't realize, or at least try to ignore, is the fact that they're still getting their social jollies out of hanging around an AOL chat room, too. In the land of the blind, no one can see you're wearing cool shades.

IN CONCLUSION
Of course, this rough assessment leaves out the porn merchants, the sad and desperate souls who seize on any conversation as intent of a lifelong commitment, and any number of other beasties prowling the virtual corridors, but here's the heart of the Jewish Singles chat experience. As I said, there are surprises to be found, and who knows? There just might be couples actually getting together off of this thing, and more power to them. Lord knows that the roster of regulars does have fairly steady turnover, and hopefully that means that someone, somewhere (most likely NYC or LA) is hooking up. But the chat room is eternal, and though the cast changes, the play remains, ever the dreary same.

Got a pic?

Summer in the city

2006-08-08T12:08:00.000-07:00

Didja ever wonder what all the husbands do while the wifeys are up at bungalows ? Well, now you can find out. Go to Craig's List for New York area and search the personals for "frum" or "frum married". Some samples :

Married, 44 attractive, professional looking for a discreet NSA encounter with a nice jewish girl in the Monticello, Liberty area.
Bored??? Husband back in the city hangin at the tittie bars while you and the kids are stuck in the bungalo colony with all the yentas.
Want to get away for the day?? Need some excitement in your life? Email me, lets chat first and see if we can hook up later for a non frum discreet encounter. this is in or around Monticello

*
*
To the frum blonde in tybergs grocery thursday night - m4w - 29
Date: 2006-07-30, 1:53PM EDT
Yes we made eye contact a few times... you in your beautful blonde sheitel... me tall dark... you happened to look for 'stuff' in the same section as me we made eye contact like ten times... hubby next to you.... so we both kept quiet.... I felt the vibs.... lol
I hope you see this.... yeh sweet dreams on my part... this is in or around Swan Lake
*
*

BAIS YAKOV EDUCATED/FRUM GIRLS ONLY - 36
Date: 2006-07-31, 9:21AM EDT
* here's the situation:I am lonely,horny,sexy,Bais Yakov educated.I am not compatable with my husband sexually or intellectually.I am interested in a nice frum woman who would like to explore but its extremely discreet.Please send a picture and in return i'll send you mine. THANX

Bored Housewife...MJF... However you classify it... - w4m - 29

Date: 2006-08-02, 1:08PM EDT
I've been reading these ads for a while now, and I always wonder if they work. And if they do, what I would do. Well, its come to this.... I'm bored by everything in my life. Don't worry, I'm not looking to get a divorce, but i am looking for an orthodox/frum married man to spend some time with, and to treat me like a woman. Sex is definitely on the agenda, but probably not on the first date. I'm very pretty, 5'6'', brown eyes, black hair (which I usually cover), 115 lbs, nice tush. Take me to Starbucks and pique my interest.Write me a paragraph about who you are and what you have in mind and PLEASE send a picture. Discretion a must.

I understand that people are human and stuff like this will happen. I'm just thinking that maybe Rabbis should stop obsessing over the issurim involved in going to baseball games and start looking at the bigger picture. Maybe my hemline is not the only thing keeping the Messiah from announcing his arrival.

Teaneck’s first frum mayor

2006-08-02T13:53:00.000-07:00

Elie Katz, 31, is also Teaneck's youngest ever mayor

The mayor presides over council meetings and appoints members to Teaneck’s library and planning boards.

In a phone conversation with The Jewish Standard on Monday, Katz said he would focus on bringing revenue to Teaneck to alleviate tax burdens placed on residents.

"We’re going to be aggressive about looking around for smart development — not overdevelopment," he said.

For instance, Katz wants businesses with heavy sewage usage to pay higher taxes so that residential sewage taxes can be lowered. The township currently pays $3 million a year for the removal of sewage, he said.

Although Katz is not the first Jewish mayor of Teaneck, he said that he is the town’s first Orthodox mayor. But the lifelong resident hopes that people will look beyond his religion and focus on his past as a volunteer and longtime member of the town’s business community, and on his future actions.

"I’m hopeful that as an active member of the community, that people recognize that I have a tremendous amount of experience that should supercede peoples’ judgment of my religious beliefs," he said.

At 16, Katz joined Teaneck’s volunteer fire department. At 21 he was a member of the Teaneck Police crime stoppers. He is chair of the town’s youth advisory board and a member of the Teaneck Municipal Alliance Against Substance Abuse.

His political career began at age 23 when he ran for an empty council seat that had opened up in midterm. He won the seat, becoming the youngest councilman in Teaneck history. From 2000-2002, he held the position of deputy mayor.

My interest is in the residents of Teaneck and the town I love," he said, noting that he has no aspirations for higher political office. "The only reason I decided to run again and be the mayor is I felt I could have some input and make a difference in a time when there’s a lot of difficulty in the town."

Adam Gussen, one of the four council members elected in May, said that he is amazed that Katz was able to capture 60 percent of the vote in the election. "Elie had a tremendous mandate from the voters," he said. "His previous nine years on the council is a testament to how far and wide he’s respected in the community."

In the race of 17 candidates, Katz won re-election and three other newcomers — including Gussen — were elected to the council.

Gussen is positive that Katz is the right choice for the job of mayor. "I expect great things from him," Gussen said. "I think Elie Katz is going to be a tremendous mayor for Teaneck."

Frum Chat?

2006-07-24T18:58:00.000-07:00

[IMG ] Not so long ago I made a post about chat and how people acted there. What a chillul hashem. Are these guys for real??? Now I admit, I've chatted with guys, and liked chatting with them too. It can get to a point where you have to say, OK, this has either gone too far, or you can continue. I find myself turning back and saying there are some things that I would rather not know about until the time is right. I mean, we have the Kallah lessons for a reason. Before I started blogging and chatting, I was hardly even curious, in all honesty about boys. Why would I be? But over the past year, my mind has opened up more than I can even imagine myself. OK. This post wasn't supposed to be about that. I'm home sick, with a pretty bad cold, and I got bored. Chatted for a few with friends, read blogs, made comments. Talked on the phone a little but since my ears hurt I didn't really feel like the phone. I wandered into jewish chat and I came across a guy who I had chatted with in the past, but since I don't keep archives I couldn't remember what he had said to me before. I'm going to post the conversation and just say....duh him: hey me: hi him: how was the chag me: nice b"h me: and by you? him: nice to him: any new guys me: new guys? him: freinds? me: maybe you're mistaking me for someone else. Sorry I dont have guys him: ok him: hows the money situation me: huh? me: meaning??? him: r u dating yet? me: Ill start when the summer finishes him: ull need to dress up a little me: I dont really dress up. him: wen u date u need to me: ok..so? nu? what's the point here? him: do u know of anygirls who would like to fool around me: ...........? me: where did THAT come from??? him: ifu find one ill pay u him: ok me: Why would I take money to make a girl do such a thing? him: jus for the shiduch me: but you're married. how can you call this a shidduch? him: so wat him: im sure u know some1 me: I know lots and lots of girls. And since you're from 13th ave, probably girls you see everyday. but not uh... him: but i cant ask em him: weras u can me: but to be honest....if I went to any girl and said hey, I know a guy whos married but looking for some fun with a frum girl, they're gonna look at me like I've gone meshiga. him: yes but in a coversation it could come out him: like guys make me hot me: you think girls just sit around and talk about guys making us hot? him: and u say i have a freind...................\ him: sometimes im sure him: uve had such conversations me: lol you really don't know girls at all him: ok him: never' him: do they talk me: a girl might say, so and so is cute, but we sure never sit around and talk about so and so is so hot I wonder what him and his wife do...my gosh me: I feel bad for your wife him: can i see u on cam me: I don't have a cam him: y do u feel bad for my wife me: Because she deserves a man to be faithful to her like she is to you. him: i havent done anythong me: so looking for young girls online to "fool around with" is nothing? me: Since it's taking you forever to answer, I guess you have nothing to say. So, he didn't answer me again, but FECHHHHHHHHHHH. This time the only thing I edited from this conversation was the names. Everything else is as is.

Door eases observance of Shabbos practice

2006-07-16T04:41:00.000-07:00

Lakewood medical center unpowers an entryway on Saturdays, holy days
Posted by the Asbury Park Press on 06/23/06
BY RICHARD QUINN
TOMS RIVER BUREAU

LAKEWOOD — When is a door not a door?
When it's an unwitting symbol of the cultural division that dogs Lakewood's
community blend.

And a nondescript Shabbos door off to the side of Kimball Medical Center's
main lobby is just that to those who view it as preferential treatment to
the township's large Orthodox Jewish population.

In reality, though, the door is just a door, a hospital entrance near
Prospect Street that isn't powered by electricity for less than 10 hours a
week.

The door requires a security card for entry most of the week, but power to
the entryway is turned off during normal visiting hours on Saturdays — and
during Jewish holy days — to allow the sizable Orthodox community to enter
during the Sabbath, also known as Shabbos.

Observant Jews cannot use automated doors because Judaic law bans the use of
electricity — except for emergencies — during the holy time from sundown
Friday to after sundown Saturday.

Activating an automatic door would cause an observant Jew to break the
Sabbath, but simply opening a door by hand is acceptable.

Before the Shabbos door — which hospital officials say first appeared about
nine years ago — men in black suits and yarmulkes often could be found
waiting by Kimball Medical Center's automated front entrance for someone
else to open the door. Kimball Medical Center's manual door eliminates the
wait.

"It's meeting the needs of our patients," said James PeQueen, vice president
of patient satisfaction at Kimball Medical Center. "It just happens to be a
special need."

PeQueen's comments — the first public statement a hospital administrator has
made about the door — were made to explain what often is termed a
capitulation to the Orthodox community, the largest ethnic group in
Lakewood.

PeQueen disagreed and couched the door as another example of Kimball Medical
Center — and the Saint Barnabas Health Care System the hospital is an
affiliate of — working with its constituent communities.

That includes a similar Shabbos door at Monmouth Medical Center in Long
Branch, bilingual staff to work with Lakewood's ever-growing Hispanic
population and a mobile phlebotomist service that visits a dozen adult
communities in Ocean County on a regular basis, PeQueen said.

But Spanish-speaking secretaries and a mobile service to draw blood from
retirees has never stirred passions like the Kimball Medical Center door.

"(Orthodox Jews) have separate entrances to the enter the hospital," read
one line in an opinion piece penned by a minister last fall.

The piece resonated with those in Lakewood who privately and publicly
believe the Orthodox community receives preferential treatment over the
black and Hispanic communities.

To hospital officials, that inference is plain wrong. PeQueen said the door
is a service to the hospital's patient pool, nothing more.

To Steven Langert, an Orthodox community member, concerns over the door are
nonsensical.

He said the door simply allows Orthodox people to walk into the hospital on
a Saturday without violating their faith.

The door also is next to a stairwell — the rule against using electricity
applies to elevators, too — which allows easy access to the hospital's six
floors.

"People don't understand," said Langert, who has used the door to visit
people in the hospital on a Saturday. "Everything boils down to education."

Langert believes if people who complain about the door see it, they would
say "Hey, it's just a door. It's no big deal."

Menashe Miller, a hospital chaplain, said the door is not preferential
treatment.

"This is a wonderful gesture on the hospital's part in showing sensitivity
to the patients of the community," said Miller, who also is a township
committeeman.

"The rumors that go about town are absolutely false. As the chaplain of the
hospital, this is just a service to the community."

And a grateful one, at that.

"We may not fly big banners" in gratitude, said Sam Unger, an Orthodox Jew
who has lived in Lakewood for about 20 years, but "definitely, we appreciate
it."

Richard Quinn: (732) 557-5739 or rquinn@app.com

Copyright © 2006 Asbury Park Press. All rights reserved.

MEET THE NEW 'JEWISH LAW'

2006-07-10T09:03:00.000-07:00

July 10, 2006 --

The NYPD has recruited an unorthodox new officer - its first Hasidic cop.

Joel Witriol, a 24-year-old Talmud scholar from Brooklyn, starts his training at the department's Police Academy today. "I realized there were so many things you could do [as a cop] - everything from community service to fighting narcotics," Witriol said, coming off the heels of a stint with the department's auxiliary police force. "There are a hundred things, and every day is different."

Witriol has a degree from United Talmudical Seminary in Monroe, where he studied "religious stuff, mostly."

He's also held part-time jobs doing everything from driving a delivery truck to working for a furniture company.

But the Brooklyn native wanted something more - and believes he found it five years ago when, while volunteering for an ambulance company, he heard about the police auxiliary. "I decided to go and check it out," Witriol said. "I went for training and passed."

Growing up in Williamsburg, Witriol admitted that he had the same cops-and-robbers ideas about policing as many youngsters. "I thought it was only about arresting people," he said.

But his auxiliary work in the 77th Precinct in Crown Heights - home to a large Hasidic community - was an eye-opener for him.

Auxiliary officers, who do not carry weapons, are "eyes and ears" for the department, Witriol said. "They do patrolling, they go to parades.

"I saw a lot of things that were going on in the precinct," he said.

The police officers "are not only locking up people, but they are helping people, too. I figured it's a good future."

Before he signed on with the department, Witriol asked for some advice from his father, a bus driver.

He said, "If you do it, just do the right thing," Witriol recalled.

Because of his religion, Witriol will need exemptions from police hairstyle rules so he can keep his beard and his peyoses, the long side locks worn by Hasidic men.

He'll also have to be excused from working on the Sabbath and on Jewish holidays.

Witriol said the Police Department doesn't have any problem with his needs, so long as they're backed up with a letter from a rabbi.

Department sources note that the NYPD has granted a number of religious exemptions to its rules in recent years.

When Witriol graduates from the academy, it is believed that he will be only the third Hasidic officer in the United States.

The other two officers include an Hasidic man hired a decade ago by the sheriff's department in Rockland County.

And Witriol says his older brother was an officer in Newark before becoming one of that department's chaplains.

Though his religion sets him apart, Witriol is eager to fit in with his fellow officers. "I want to be a cop," he said, "together with everyone."

He added that he knows that he can be "absolutely helpful with the community."

bill.sanderson@nypost.com

Orthodox Judaism Growing Among Young American Jews

2006-07-07T10:11:00.000-07:00

By Hana Levi Julian

A study released by the American Jewish Committee shows that Orthodox Judaism is growing in popularity among under-30 Jews in the U.S.
The study, carried out in honor of the New York-based advocacy groups 100th anniversary, measured Jewish identification trends in the American Jewish population from ages 18 to 39, a group which numbers some 1.5 million Jews. The total Jewish population in the U.S., according to the study, is estimated to be between 5.5 and 6 million, including Jews who are intermarried.

Some 16% of Jews aged 18-29 now identify themselves as Orthodox, the study revealed. In the 30-39 age group, slightly more than half of that number, 9%, consider themselves Orthodox.

According to the report, the percentage of Orthodox Jews is expected to grow as the population marries and has children, especially in light of the fact that Orthodox Jews place a higher emphasis on having children than do other Jews.

The report also found that more than half of all American Jews under age 40 are not married. Men in their 20s are highly likely to be unmarried." In general, the overall trend among young Jewish adults is to marry later in life.

The role played by the State of Israel is also much less important to young Jews today, found the report. The Holocaust continues to be profoundly important to a broad spectrum of young Jews, it read, yet Israel appears to be much less important in positively affecting Jewish identity.

The exception to the rule is the group of Jews who have either traveled to Israel or who identify themselves as Orthodox, both for whom Israel has powerful positive resonance, it stated.

The report also addressed the climbing statistics of intermarriage and assimilation in the U.S., recommending that outreach programs targeting intermarried Jews be expanded and increased.

The [outreach] programs which focus on unaffiliated young Jews are much less politically charged than programs which focus on the intermarried and in many ways show a greater willingness to welcome the intermarried without stigmatizing them, read the report. These programs need to be continued and, if current demographic trends continue, need to be expanded.

The study used previous demographic studies and opinion polls conducted in the past six years as primary sources for data collection. Ukeles Associates Inc. compiled the report for the committee.

(Source: Arutz Sheva online. Israelnn.com)

Future of the Internet for Orthodox Jews

2006-07-04T13:58:00.000-07:00

This is an article which all Orthodox magazine or newspapers refused to publish. Your comments on why will be welcome, as well as your input on what we can do.

Call For Action

An Approach to the Internet and its Containment

By C. Aronowitz

In an area which has been rhetorically compared to a life and death issue, and which prominent rabbonim have spoken out on, it is important to inform you, the reader of the writers ‘bona fides’ before entering the body of this discussion.

This article is written under a nom de plume. The writer spent several years of his early work career working for Agudath Israel, intimately involved in carrying out the directives of the Gedolim on a daily basis. He takes pride in this, and of various initiatives he was directed to do at that time under the cover of confidentiality.
Switching to a personal perspective, I feel that if I am 'zoche' to a reward in the hereafter, certain of these projects will be the 'zchus'.
I am prefacing this article with this biographical note to emphasize that my intention here is to accomplish the goals of the gedolim.

I. The Threat
The Internet was invented in the 1970’s. But it was not until the advent of the World Wide Web, and its easy-to-use graphical and communication possibilities that a threat to Yiddishkeit became prevalent. A development which had the potential (and reality), of benefiting Orthodox Jews by providing new editing opportunities for the data entering our brains (ex: not needing an entire newspaper or library to gather a necessary item of information) was to significant extent subverted from its original purpose.
Suddenly, one no longer needed to go to a newsstand or a different part of town and face potential embarrassment in order to see something inappropriate or communicate with someone one would never be seen with in public.
There is no question that the prevalence and accessability of the Internet has caused grave, grave korbonos. And the situation grows more serious all the time, as commerce, communication and information become more dependent on the Internet. Many kolel yungerleit and yerei shomayim depend on the internet for parnosa, either themselves or through their wives.

While filtered ISP’s (Internet Service Providers) under both Orthodox and non- Jewish auspices do exist, they are used by an appallingly small percentage of Orthodox Jews. Sometimes this is due to an employee working for a non-Jewish employer. Other times is it is due to ignorance, laziness, or an exaggerated sense of ‘convenience’ or minor financial savings which blinds a frumer yid to the threat posed by immodesty and immoral solicitation(s) on the opening pages of many popular service providers.
It is worth noting that the businesses who provide filtered access for Orthodox Jews have invested millions of dollars in being mezake our community and deserve our support and gratitude.
However serious the threat is now, it will become more so in the near future. Wireless advances, primarily the ‘Wi-Fi’ wireless broadband connection, which enables a high speed internet connection in any covered area through radio waves will increase both the availability and necessity for Internet in the near future.
This writer has made a few interesting observations during the past summer:
* The gas station serving the most kosher products en route to the mountains now advertises a free wi-fi connection and an in-store internet connection as an additional reason to patronize them.
*While Starbucks cafes have had wi-fi connections for quite some time, a kosher restaurant in the mountains now offers a free wi-fi connection.
* There is now a wi-fi connection in Bryant Park in Manhattan, several blocks from the diamond district.
* Both Yerushalayim and Philadelphia (PA) are installing new, (initially) free municipal wi-fi systems throughout their respective cities.
* A 13th Avenue glatt restaurant is advertising wi-fi.
* Verizon is rolling out a new wireless high speed internet access system which will not have the distance limitations of wi-fi
* Finally, pundits are already predicting the day when the subway, and other mass transit will have wi-fi. This has already been implemented on a trial basis in the western US and Canada.

I recently had a conversation on the Internet with two fellow 'mispalelim' in the Bais Medrash I belong to. I said to one: “ Our response to this issue (internet) will determine whether we will accept technology, or reject it like the Amish.” The other said “I’m Amish”.
While this approach is worthy of respect, it has never been the mainstream approach of normative Judaism. But if you happen to be with the Amish, this article isn’t for you.

II. The Need
Most of us in the business world, and increasingly those in chinuch, are becoming dependent on web based communication, research, and commerce. There are excellent reasons for this. The internet, e-mail, and e-messaging are fast, frequently almost real-time, efficient, reliable, accurate and easy.
Business people and professionals have told me told me the first two hours of their day is dedicated to answering e-mail. If this could be done on their commute rather than in the office, the work day would be shorter and more efficient, yielding additional time from our pressured and stressed schedules for our families and Torah.
Two vignettes: A shomer shabbos accounting firm in Jerusalem which employs a number of kolel wives now requires that all employees have a broad band connection at home as part of their flex-time policy which effectively makes it possible for kolel wives to keep their jobs.
A kolel yunger man who learns two sedarim a day with hasmoda manages a small investment fund at night. He is only able to do this, and remain in kolel with his family obligations, due to a broad band connection, the 24 hour trading day created by the Internet, and the fact that no one he deals with sees his Jewish attire and appearance, which is not very “Wall Street”.
These two individuals are Americans residing in Israel to live a life of Torah. Yet in Israel, there is no Hareidi filtered service at all! Why? (Interestingly, China and Saudi Arabia have national filters. Are they more concerned with the moral standing of their citizenry?)
In America, while we B”H have filtered ISP’s, there no strong filtering or reporting system adaptable to applied to public wireless broadband (Wi Fi) or cable connections.
Can we afford this lack? And, conversely can we afford to prohibit the Internet? And finally, can we afford to both asur (prohibit) it on the posters on our shuls and ads in our periodicals, and permit it in actuality?
How are our children to digest this dissonant message? Is it not reminiscent of the old American Jewish retort of “I keep kosher at home” (but can’t outside)? We all know where that led.
I asked a distinguished and over burdened Rov and Talmid Chacham of my acquaintance, leader and advisor to a major community, how he does the research he needs in fertility and other drug and medical areas. He answered, “I need the internet, so I ask my sister who has it. (his sister lives in a somewhat more ‘liberal’ Orthodox community).” The Rav then continued: “ I would really like to be able to do the research and see the results myself. I like to understand what I’m dealing with. However, I can’t. 'S’ iz shver to sein a yid'. My sister keeps telling me I need Internet.”
As an aside, many respected chareidi mosdos who osir internet find it necessary to have broadband internet connections, and it amazes me how few have filtered systems.
On the way upstate, I stopped to daven in the main Satmar Bais Medrash in Monroe. There was a sign up in the Bais Medrash asking for signatures to persuade a local telephone or cable firm to let in J-Net, a filtered provider, due to the many internet users who need it for parnosa.

III. Solutions

I submit that the internet is not television. It is not 90% entertainment, and it is not leaving our community. Even an 83 year old almona I know uses the internet for purchases and as her primary means of communicating with her children and grand children in New York, the Midwest, and in Yeshivas and Kolelim in Israel!

I propose that our community has been remiss in not addressing the threat head-on. And I further suggest that broad brush prohibitive language (with the exception of limited cases such as children in mosdos where the Rosh Yeshiva or Rebbe will be making the decisions), will not work, and will make us look like hypocrites in the eyes of our children. Like most serious problems, (or like sheitlach and copepods) we need a combination of a chinuch and a technical solution.
Chinuch Solution
I am not professional 'mechanech' (though every parent with a large family ka”h is a mechanech), and I do not want to wax verbose in the arena of the professional mechanchim.
What I do feel it is important to emphasize is that the most outstanding success of our community in the post war years is chinuch and our mosdos, and I am sure if the challenge of dealing with the internet reality were met forthrightly, we would see the same level of success we have seen in yidishe levush, in osuring many once acceptable forms of entertainment, in tznius in clothing and behavior (for both boys and girls), and in shmiras haeneyim. However, ignoring reality will not make it disappear.

Technical Solutions
The necessary technical solutions are themselves a combination.
Filtering
I have mentioned filtering several times in this article. I’m well aware of what every computer professional will tell us, that no filter is perfect. This is absolutely true.
I discussed this topic with the mashgiach of a prominent chassidishe yeshiva gedola, an individual who talmidim ask for advice well into their married years. He replied by asking whether filtering is 100% effective. I responded that it is only 90-95% effective and a determined effort can often create a breach. He said “that’s a problem”. I responded : “Reb ____, if you could clean up the 'gass' (street) by even 90% in the summer, would that be a good thing for yiddishkeit? Would you move to do that, and feel it would benefit all Jews, even if 10% slipped through?” The mashgiach agreed that it would be a truly wonderful accomplishment if 90% of the summer tznius issues disappeared from the street. I then asked him “would cleaning the Internet not be an equally important accomplishment?”, and he agreed. We all make cost/benefit analyses in life. No responsible authority recommends home schooling or solitary tefila to prevent seeing immodesty on the street. We must do our utmost to inculcate internal filters after making every reasonable step to avoid temptation. This is no different.
The first reasonable attempt is filtering. But ISP’s run like businesses cannot afford to run after every new debauched web site ( new ones appear daily), and new communication technique that appears. Filtering is a necessity, and the filter must be effective. It is our first line of defense, because we all know that the yetzer hora which is never initiated will never grow.

Reporting
But in essence, I do agree with the mashgiach. We dare not be satisfied with even 95%. Yiddishe neshomos are more precious than that.
We all know that the best preventative to sin is diuknesa d’uviv (Yosef Hatzadik’s escape from enticement with the appearance of his father’s image in his mind’s eye) and ayin roeh (the knowledge that one is being watched).
Regardless of every community’s respective stance on Internet use, a non-judgmental option should be offered. An electronic reporting system should be set up reporting web sites visited by each user and perhaps e-mail addresses for a spot check review by a reliable and close mouthed individual or committee chosen by of the respective Rav of each community. If something inappropriate is found, the Rav can then decide how to approach the issue in a dignified manner. Hopefully the fact that a foolproof reporting system is in place will help to ensure it is never used.
This is no different than hesitating to do something that could be embarrassing on the street because someone might be watching. Peer pressure is used as a deterrent, and rightly so. Privacy issues? Firstly the appointees must be above suspicion, like our rabbonim who are trusted with so many confidential issues. Secondly, we are only proposing spot checking as an adjunct to filtering. Both filtering and surveillance should be insisted upon as conditions of use by every community. The perception of a user of unfiltered, unsurveilled internet should be like the perception of someone sporting a television in the dining room or frequenting a pool without a mechitza.
Of course, ironclad confidentiality must be maintained due to both business and personal considerations. But the facts are, rightly or otherwise, many of us act differently when being watched by the Rav or Rebbe.
Finally, a filters which could actually disable the machine if inappropriate searches are made or sites visited. The password would be available at your local Rav’s.

IV. A Plea for Help
Truthfully, I had hoped that our brethren in the Modern Orthodox community had taken the lead in addressing these issues. The Internet threat is equally or more ubiquitous there, broadband connections are common, and the technical expertise is prevalent. It is self deluding to feel the yetzer hora only affects others, but not the Modern Orthodox community. Moreover, developing acceptable approaches would be an excellent validation of the Modern Orthodox philosophy of accepting the worthwhile while rejecting the worthless in contemporary society.
But since (to my knowledge) it has not been addressed there, we ‘chareidim’ must provide our own life preservers. This is a case of b’mokom sh’ain ish ( where no one is available to do the right thing we all are required to do so). And, G-d willing, we will meet our obligations.

Wireless Solutions
This article began with warnings about the spread of wireless internet and the implication that we have no solutions for an ISP intended for the general community.
What is needed is a program which is computer based but impossible for the user to remove for both filtering and reporting purposes. The basic technology already exists. If such a program were installed on each machine owned by an Orthodox Jew, this would be a big step forward.
At the same time, for those using a non-Jewish employer’s computer, or one in a hotel or a business (gas station?) a web based proxy server option should also be made available. While this by its nature could be circumvented, it would at least provide a kosher option for travelers and workers.
I am sure that IT professionals could better and enhance these ideas, or come up with better ones.
However . . . this will never be a money maker. In my opinion, it is a communal obligation.
Mesorah Publications felt the obligation to produce a Talmud, but knew that it could not cover itself financially in the initial stages. They therefore established the Mesorah Heritage Foundation to fund the significant expenses needed to launch this ambitious undertaking. The benefits to Torah Yiddishkeit are extraordinary!
Several years ago, a group of activists raised money and pressured several airlines flying to Israel to establish ‘Mehadrin’ seating areas with no movies. Here, too there were laudable successes.
The Orthodox community needs a foundation dedicated to pioneering effective, sophisticated and solid solutions to our unique Internet needs. It is a spiritual undertaking to be achieved through technical means. We have the expertise in our community. We need the understanding and will. The alternatives are unacceptable.
Furthermore, we must be ahead of the curve. Until now we have been reacting to developments after the korbonos occurred. This foundations’ technical brain trust would be charged with developing solutions before the korbonos. Instead of dealing with Wi-Fi, and whatever comes after Wi-Fi, after it is installed on MTA, we must have a prepared solution beforehand.
For thousands of years the Jewish people have overcome the challenge of new technical developments. Why now settle for even one neshama lost if we can save it?
And if some of us feel unthreatened by this new development, I would propose that they view it as an insurance policy for their children and grandchildren.
Let us hope that in the coming year we as community can determine to prevent even one more individual lost or weakened in their spiritual resolve as a result of technological developments.

N.J. Town's Orthodox Jews Sign Off Internet at Home

2006-06-26T22:42:00.000-07:00

By Jeff Diamant
Religion News Service
Saturday, June 24, 2006; B09

LAKEWOOD, N.J. -- Bruce Rosenberg used to pay his bills online from home. That changed in September, when the rabbis of this town's large Orthodox community told parents of yeshiva students that they no longer could have the Internet in their homes.

Rosenberg, who has two children in religious school, disconnected. Now he treks twice a week to the public library, using its free Internet access to pay bills and sometimes check the news.

"Whoever doesn't have a computer now has to come to the library. Today you need it [the Internet] for everything," said Rosenberg, 26.

He added that he supports the ban, which was designed to protect students from online smut.

He's not alone. While many, if not most, Orthodox Jews here eschewed the Internet -- and television, for that matter -- long before the edict, some with children in Lakewood's 43 yeshivas cut the cord or put a lock on the computer afterward.

Others have quietly defied the ban or, not so quietly, ridiculed it online in anonymous blogs. Community leaders say no one has been subject to the ban's ultimate penalty: expulsion from school for students whose parents have kept the Internet at home for nonbusiness reasons.

Most Orthodox Jews, interviewed recently almost nine months after the edict was issued, said they support the policy.

"It's a great idea. They should do it everywhere," said David Egert, an emergency medical technician.

He also said he frequents the library more often since he disconnected the Internet last fall, after the rabbis' declaration.

"I used to use the Internet once a day for research. I would check medical stuff online. Now I either find it in the library or I don't find it," he said.

The number of people using free Internet access at Lakewood's public library in May was 8,248, compared with 5,858 the previous May, before the edict, library officials said. Orthodox Jews appear to be part of the increase, said Saran Lewis, head of the reference department.

Rabbis instituted the Internet ban because of concerns not only about pornography and sexual predators in online chat rooms, but also about images of women dressed immodestly, which they feared would distract those who are devoted to religious study.

The ban is not absolute. The policy allows rabbis to approve exceptions for parents who need the Internet or e-mail-only services for a home business, as long as they lock computers away from children.

Around town, there are plans to open a public Internet center in an office building for online shopping. And the main yeshiva, which teaches adults and is among the most prestigious yeshivas in the world, has tightened Internet rules for its students.

At the same time, some determined Jewish teenagers have become part of the public library's Web crowd. One 16-year-old yeshiva student, who would not give his name, said he occasionally accesses the Internet there to check eBay and baseball news.

A Lakewood adult, who also would not give his name because he said he feared retribution, said the religious leaders have gone too far. He said he lets his children, yeshiva students, use the Internet at home, although he closely monitors and restricts their use.

He said the rabbis should trust parents to run their homes and should rescind the expulsion policy.

"Nobody wants to be told how to run their life," the man said. "You don't want someone telling you, 'Put this in this part of the house,' 'Take this out of your house,' and, 'If you don't, then your kid gets thrown out of school.' "

The rabbis realize they will never get 100 percent compliance and do not intend to sniff out users, said Rabbi Moshe Weisberg, who runs a social services agency and, like other Lakewood rabbis, has long stressed the dangers of the Internet.

"There'll always be a small fringe that will be there no matter what anybody tries to do," he said. "We're very, very concerned about the mainstream and we're happy to report it has not spilled over into that area."

Lakewood's policy, while similar to those in some Orthodox communities in Israel, is unusual, if not unique, in the United States, even among Orthodox Jews.

The Union of Orthodox Jewish Congregations of America, for example, has a Web site with interactive functions to help viewers find a synagogue, learn when to light candles, or find out about singles events. The Hasidic movement Chabad-Lubavitch has an active Internet presence. And a popular Talmud study program called Daf Yomi has an Internet site that helps people find study groups.

Of course, to those in Lakewood who have never been online, the Internet remains a mystery.

"The reason we don't do Internet is because of the bad effect it might have on our children. We find it's not worth the gain," said Chaim Rapport, who then paraphrased a Talmudic saying: "We all have evil inclination. Since it's easy to find evil, then we should stop as far away as we can from it."

Forbidden Mixtures

2006-06-19T11:15:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting to talk about a topic for some time that it is considered controversial in our Orthodox world. I have hesitated due to the fact that I feel inadequate to really address it properly. In addition, I don't have a conclusion-just thoughts. It's my opinion that the issue of interaction between young men and women needs to be a reevaluted somewhat in the Jewish world. Anyone who's familiar with the way yeshiva and Bais Yaacov education works knows that young men and women are taught that interacting with the opposite sex is basically the ultimate sin. In a lot of communities, a boy talking to a girl is considered a taboo of epic proportions. Now, before all you dissenting commenters out there (You know who you are) start vilifying me for being a charedi basher again, let me explain. I am not one of those who argues that boys and girls should be encouraged to talk and hang out together. In fact, I think that usually it is better for boys and girls to be educated separately. I went to a coed school, and as one might imagine, there was a high rate of physical interaction. People did things that they later regretted and, I imagine, had a hard time telling their spouses about. It's fine with me if my children don't have a lot of experience with the opposite sex before marriage. I can testify that it's possible to never have had a serious relationship with someone of the opposite sex and still have a perfectly normal, happy relationship with one's spouse.

And yet...let me tell a little story. A friend of mine who lives in a smaller community was once telling me one reason why she likes living in a smaller Jewish community as opposed to Baltimore. She said that in Baltimore, if her preteen daughter would so much as look at a boy she would be disciplined by her school. As opposed to the smaller place she lived in, where although her daughter was not encouraged to be friends with boys, if she ever had the slightest interaction with them she wouldn't be treated as if she was going off the derech. Everyone knows that teenagers have hormones going wild and are very attracted to the opposite sex. To so unnaturally suppress these instincts is not a completely healthy thing, in my view. I had another conversation with some friends in which we discussed how girls in Bais Yaacovs are taught for so many years that, essentially, boys are bad and should be avoided at all costs. Then, the girls goes to seminary, comes back at 19, and, hey presto, she's ready to date. Is anything wrong with that picture? Can it be expected that normal interaction with a date and eventually a spouse will occur after so many years of suppressing a person's most natural instincts? A girl, or really even a boy as well, who buys into the theory that the opposite sex is bad, will often have a hard time coping with the new reality that they are now supposed to talk to the very people who have been taboos for them for so long.

So, you'll ask, I'm encouraging interaction between boys and girls? I hold that we should have social gatherings for yeshiva guys and girls? No, not really. I can't in any kind of honesty say that those things would be positive, at least for high school age kids. So I don't have a solution. But I do feel that the overwhelming emphasis on separation has become a somewhat negative thing. At some point, we have to teach our children how to interact with the opposite sex in a normal, healthy manner. Yeshiva guys should be able to go to a Shabbos meal and not ignore any woman at the table like she's not there. They should be able to offer to help clear the table and thank the hostess for the meal. If two teenagers of the opposite sex have the slightest conversation, they should not be made to feel that they have done a horrible sin and are on the slippery slope to not being frum. The total suppression of interaction is unhealthy perhaps even moreso for boys, who tend to view women as merely bodies and sex objects if they are so completely cut off from them. Again, the solution is not easy. I know that the rabbis and principals are doing their best for the spiritual health of their students. I think there has to be a loosening of the screws. Students should realize that they are expected to not have a lot of interaction with the opposite sex, but not feel that their teacher or parents will rip them apart if they do. I'm idealistic as always, but that's just me.

posted by Jewboy at 8:57 PM
31 Comments:

Joe Schick said...

I agree with your sentiments. However, it is probably impossible to find the right balance. On one hand, the halacha is very strict on these matters. On the other hand, boys and girls have to learn to interact in a normal manner. Encouraging normal interaction will benefit some, but also inevitably result in some other people acting in non-halachic ways.

Of course you're right that teens in the charedi world should be cut a lot more slack in this area.

Is your opposition to co-ed schools particular to high school, or for elementary school students too?
9:42 PM
bellanny said...

it is very hard to find a balance. i went to all girls schools until i got to college. i think that seperate schools for elementary and high schools is much better because there is a lot less pressure when in class and learning.

but i think going to a co-ed college is good because it allows for helathy interaction. sure there will always be people who take things too afr, but that goes for anything. even YU, which has seperate campuses and classes, still encourages interaction and mixed events. personally, i wish they would have a few more mixed classes beacuse i think in college guys should be able to see that women can stand up with the best of them.
10:13 PM
nircgrad said...

No bashing......I promise.

However that was an extremely contradictory post. On the one hand you wouldn't want your children interacting with members of the opposite sex, but you lament the schools teaching separation. All the school is doing is ensuring that your kid doesn't interact.

I agree that dating is difficult after all those years of separation, but if both sides are coming from the same background, there are no expectations that conversation will flow easily.

By the way, just to correct one fallacy, I don't believe Bais Yaakov will discipline a girl for talking to boys.
9:22 AM
peninah said...

I don't think the post was contracitory at all. I don't think JewBoy was saying that he "doesn't want his kids intereacting with the opposite sex." If I understand it correctly, I think that he was saying that he would not actively encourage them to do so.

I think this is a great discussion point. You are correct about the feelings towards the opposite sex that get carried over into dating and marriage. It is quite scary. On top of that, often, as soon as a boy and start dating they are so overcome with the excitement of finally being able to talk and interact with someone of the opposite sex, that often they end up marrying the first person they date whether that person be a suitable match for them.

I think another problem that you didn't quite touch upon is the fact that the schools etc. make the slightest of interaction between boys and girls so taboo that these kids often equate talking to the opposite sex with doing a whole lot more. I can't think of a specific example of this, but on the same token, I remember hearing that a well known Rabbi in Baltimore was once walking by a house on shabbos and there was a boy sitting outside smoking. When the Rabbi asked the boy why he was doing this, the boy answered, "well, my father told me I wasn't frum because I stopped wearing my hat so I figured that I could smoke on shabbos now."

I think that parents need to know what is going on with their children. Like it or not, SOME kids will want to interact with the opposite sex. I am not saying that we shouldl give them cart blanche to do so in any place or manner, but I do think if we put restrictions on them they are going to find ways of doing it anyway. I would much rather know what my children are doing than have them sneaking off to REALLY get into trouble.

I have been up since too early so I don't think this comment is as articulate as I would want it to be, so I apologize.
9:55 AM
nircgrad said...

I just want to add that I don't ever remember hearing a shmuess in High School about talking to girls, it was understood that it's wrong. I was definitely never taught to ignore girls.

I think this is really an issue that we agree on, what is important is to find a happy medium. I intend to teach my children not to talk to members of the opposite sex, but not to ignore them either.
10:07 AM
Greg said...

If I could paraphrase: the collective Orthodox Jewish world needs an enema.
11:39 AM
Greg said...

If I could paraphrase: the collective Orthodox Jewish world needs an enema.
11:49 AM
Jewboy said...

Joe-You're right, it is a very difficult issue. I was trying to convey some of that difficulty. In terms of coed schools, my opinions are not iron clad. Different things for different types of people are often necessary. Although a good deal of inappropriate interaction went on at my school, the types of kids who attended my school probably would not have gone to a single sex school, and would have been involved with girls anyway. For run of the mill frum kids, however, I think single sex schools are usually better. For elementary schools I don't think of it as such a big deal. My elementary school, which is now pretty right wing, was mixed through fifth grade when I was there. Perhaps the fact that it was mixed helped there be normal interaction later, I don't know.

Bellany-It's certainly good for colega age guys and girls to be able to interact normally. If a guy never says a word to a girl and then starts working with women, it could be awkward.

Nirgrad-Rather than being "extremely contradictory", I was clearly presenting two sides to the issue. Peninah was correct that I would not actively encourage my kids to interact, yet if they did I would not act as if the world came to an end.
In terms of the Bais Yaacov disclipining a girl ,my story did have slight exaggerations. I think you got the point, however. I knew of a case in which a boy was friends with a girl in high school, and it was a little more than just friends. The girl's school went nuts, making her sign contracts not to meet him and all kinds of crazy stuff like that. Of course it didn't accomplish what they wanted it to, so what was the point?

Peninah-You seem to have grasped the heart of my post best of anyone so far. You also added some good points. The phenomenon of guys marrying their first girl or vice versa because they are not used to the experience is a fascinating one, and one that I believe I have seen amongst people I know. One person who I believe suffered from this problem had a broken engagement because of it.
Your hat story is one I tried to allude to when I talked about how kids will think they are headed towards not being frum if they talk to the opposite sex. This kind of thing is a problem with kids in many areas nowadays.
11:50 AM
Yitzy said...

People,

Not to be disrespectful, but many of the statements that have been made in this post are incorrect and in my belief, rather naive.

I can only speak from my experience with the Baltimore community, but being that it was mentioned a number of times here, I think my points will be relevent.

Firstly, "Nircgrad" is correct in his assessment that BY does not "all out punish" girls who are hanging out with boys. I know that the school discourages these interactions, but they have had enough experience with it over the years, not to overreact.

When I was in high school, I was hanging out with a number of girls in Kosher Bite when one of the prominent Rabbis of the school walked in. The girls saw him yet didn't even flinch. When I asked if they would get in trouble for being with me, the girls responded by saying that they might get spoken to by the Rabbi, but nothing would really happen. So this belief that "all hell breaks loose" if boys and girls are caught interacting in Baltimore, is just false. In fact, for a city with such a large Jewish community, Baltimore seems to have an extremely relaxed approach to this subject, when compared with other cities.

Peninah- many of your statements show that you have a limited amount of experience with a "seperated" life-style.

Many of my friends who had all kinds of relationships with girls while in high school and even beyond, married the first girl they dated when set up on a shidduch. Many of my friends who had extremely limited interaction with girls before dating, have been dating for years and are still not married. The belief that a person will marry the first guy/girl they go out with because they are "so excited" by the novelty of it is just wrong.

There is this ridiculous belief in some circles that if a guy and girl don't interact on a regular basis while in the teenage years, the guy or girl will not know how to talk to the other when the time comes to date/marry/work/etc.

Let me ask you, if I know that when the time comes, I will have a number of African American coworkers at my job who come from a culture much different than mine, should I make sure to have as much interaction with them before I enter the workforce, so that I know how to speak to them when the time comes?

With certain things, Hashem has given us the ability to figure out with a limited amount of experience. After a few weeks on my job, I will be more sensitive to the differences between me and my african american coworkers. Ok, maybe I will make an insensitive statement, but I will learn from my mistakes and be ready for the next time. After a couple of dates, the guy or girl will figure it out too. My proof? The fact that a large number of my friends who had little to no social interaction with members of the opposite sex as teens, are happily married now.

In my mind, you are risking the potential of so many harms that can come out of a juvenile boy/girl relationship for what purpose?

So..I believe that it is important for parents to instill in their children a complete respect for the opposite sex. I agree with Jewboy that a conversation at a shabbos table is a safe, healthy way to have a bit of interaction with the opposite sex, without anything getting out of hand.

But some who believe that our children are "better off" by having more interaction with the opposite sex, is either oblivious to or is ignoring the number of boys and girls who have lost their virginity from something that only started out as a "small platonic friendship."
3:10 PM
peninah said...

Yitzi- I haven't seen you post on this blog before so I am assuming you are a new reader or you have recently "delurked". The point of this comment is not going to be to respond to your comments (although I may do that later), rather, I just want to offer some advice to you. Especially when commenting here (assuming JewBoy doesn't mind).
Please don't make assumptions about any of the commenters on this blog based on a few sentences or paragraphs that you might have read by them. It is a problem when people do this in the limited world of blogging, but it represents and even greater problem that we have in the real world. For the most part, the people who post on this blog are thinking individuals who want to do what is best for themselves and their families in the realm of Judaism (as I am sure you are as well). They usually comment with well thought-out and intelligent ideas. I just want you to realize this before you start making assumptions about the people who read this blog.

If you are wondering what sparked this diatribe, it is the assumption you made about me. I definitely do not have a limited amount of experience with a "separated lifstyle" I am a Bais Yaakov graduate who grew up in a frum yet accepting home. I did have interactions with boys growing up, but they were always under the guidance and with the knowledge of my parents (and no my parents are not liberal modern orthodox jews who encouraged their kids to socialize with the opposite sex).

Honestly, I don't think my parents would have chosen for their kids to interact with the opposite sex. It is definitely easier not to have to deal with that kind of stuff when your kids are teenagers. My parents had a theory though. They raised us with a rope. They'd let their children out with the rope, always keeping an eye, and a handle on the rope and always making sure their children knew they were connected to the rope. If it were ever needed, they would exercise their rights to pull their children back in with that rope.

I have to say, this was a great way to be raised. There was always open communication in my home, especially when it came to the opposite sex. I really believe that that is one of the reasons I didn't do anything bad while growing up. I think if my parents had forbade me or my sibling from interacting with the opposite sex, it would have had the opposite affect.

I know there have been cases of teenagers losing their virgity within the frum community. But this slippery slope argument that platonic relationships turn into kids losing their virginity seems misplaced. I think this is the point the JewBoy was trying to make originally. You can't equate boys and girls talking to eachother to them losing their virginity. It sends an unbelievably confusing message to these kids that the two are comperable. In the scheme of things, they definitely are not.
4:21 PM
nircgrad said...

Yitzy,

That was an extremely well thought out post, although you are incorrect about Peninah's background.

Peninah,

I don't think Yitzy meant anything against you with his post, though he clearly got your goat. He was just articulating that a permissive atitude to social interaction with members of the opposite sex can lead to problems. Knowing your father pretty well I know that to not be true with you.
4:46 PM
Yitzy said...

Peninah,

I'm sorry if my words offended you. That was not my intention. Thank you for explaining what you did in such a respectful tone. I too am an open-minded thinking individual. My statement about your lack of exposure to the "more seperated" community was inapproriate.

The truth is though, I found it a bit insulting for you to generalize an entire culture of yeshiva bochurim who have made the choice to refrain from casual social interaction with the opposite sex, something which I believe should be commended, as being a bunch of non-thinking individuals who will probably marry the first girl they date out of the excitement of socializing for the first.

The same way that it would be wrong and close-minded of me to make general statements about the modern orthodox community, the same is true of the modern to the more right winged.

Also, I felt that your statements about the frummer schools making such a big deal about boys and girls interacting was a bit too generalized as well.

If I were to say, "It is horrible that a school like Rambam puts the importance of revering Ben Gurion and Hertzel above Torah Study", you would say that though Rambam impresses an ahava for Israel, my statement is incorrect.

So too by the more right winged schools, there is obviously a stress placed on the importance of refraining from socialization with opposite gender, however, I don't think it is done in an overreacting kind of way.

In regards to your parenting statements, I believe that the approach your parents exhibited was a healthy one. However, it has nothing to do with this notion that "boys and girls SHOULD interact at an early age."

I am obviously not naive enough to believe that all the boys and girls who socialize in high school will lose their virginity and in no way am I equating the two. I socialized with girls and still managed to stay shomer negiah. I also agree that a parent who makes their child believe that speaking with a boy and losing ones virginity are similar, needs some serious parenting classes. However, I do know for a fact that one of the more modern orthodox girls schools in the local area did indeed have at least 6 girls lose their virginity before graduating high school. This number was from one class. The class of my graduating year. The school is not an unusually large school either. It does indeed happen.

My point is, lets just say for a second that great parenting will substantially limit the chance that a child will go this far. I think we both know that this is no gaurantee but lets assume this is the case for a second. My question is, what purpose does the socializing serve? Is it so a child is more adept at speaking with opposite sex when the time comes to date? Don't we have the confidence in our children to believe that they have decent enough social skills to manage well enough when the time comes? Why take a risk? That is my point.

I see great potential harmful risk on one side, and very little positive outcomes on the other. To me its a no brainer.
4:53 PM
Joe Schick said...

Regarding "the number of boys and girls who have lost their virginity from something that only started out as a "small platonic friendship":

The reality is that this could happen because parents and schools are too strict, forbidding even limited social interaction, so that "rebellious" teens view a platonic friendship is "bad" enough and therefore end up doing much more.

It could also happen because parents and schools are too tolerant, allowing more than limited social interaction, which, given teens' hormones, could also end up result in this kind of activity.

As stated above, it is probably impossible to find the right balance. Each person is different and needs to be treated differently.

As for charedi schools treatment of those who hang out with the opposite sex, in the charedi high school that I attended, it was quite severe. I guess Brooklyn schools are more extreme in this regard than Baltmore schools.
4:56 PM
Yitzy said...

Joe,

Though I agree that anything is possible anywhere, I think it is pretty much understood that the more exposure you have to something, the more chance something else will follow.

The gemara describes the situation with this tayva as being, "marvayah rav, masbiah saveah". The more you feed it, the more it needs, the more you refrain, the more satisfied.

I don't think there are many out there who would think, "hey, I spoke with a girl today, might as well go all the way." It's not like a guy who slept through shachris one day and gets a musser shmooze for it, is going to eat pork tomorrow. No matter how one is brought up, people understand that there are different levels of wrong.

The child who says, "my parents yelled at me for having a boyfriend so I figured I might as well sleep with him" is lying to herself.

Though there are exceptions, generally, the less exposure one has to an activity, the less chance they will engage in it.
5:11 PM
Joe Schick said...

"Though there are exceptions, generally, the less exposure one has to an activity, the less chance they will engage in it."

For the most part, I agree. However, if, say, a kid is thrown out of school for hanging out with a member of the opposite gender, I do think there's an increased risk that they will rebel further and engage in ant-halachic behavior.

While this may not be a concern in Baltimore, in the charedi high school I attended, a number of boys were expelled after 11th grade, most for rather minor infractions.
5:32 PM
yitzy said...

Joe,

Yes, I agree with you. When a child is expelled, there is a slim to no chance that he or she will suddenly change his or her ways.

I'm not talking about the school responding in that way.

I am only disagreeing with the belief of those "that it is health for our young boys and girls to socialize so they will know how to interact with the general world."
6:21 PM
Joe Schick said...

"I am only disagreeing with the belief of those 'that it is health for our young boys and girls to socialize so they will know how to interact with the general world.'"

Socializing is different from (limited) interaction. Without the latter, I tend to agree with Jewboy that many teens will view members of the opposite gender as sexual objects.
6:33 PM
Openyoureyes said...

I do not have much to say on the topic, but a very reputable source (which will remain anonymous) heard first-hand from a local shul Rav (who will also remain anonymous) that in a recent graduating class of a certain right-wing single sex female school there were between 7-9 ABORTIONS (not girls losing virginity - ABORTIONS). I realize that this statement is a bit controversial and will not be easily-taken, but the sources will remain anonymous.
7:14 PM
Joe Schick said...

I do not have much to say on the topic, but a very reputable source (which will remain anonymous) heard first-hand from a local shul Rav (who will also remain anonymous) that in a recent graduating class of a certain right-wing single sex male school there were between 7-9 boys smoking MARIJUANA (not smoking cigarettes - MARIJUANA). I realize that this statement is a bit controversial and will not be easily-taken, but the sources will remain anonymous.

Seriously, please don't anonymously post information from a second anonymous source, heard "first-hand" from a third anonymous source, about something relating to "7-9" additionally anonymous people.
9:12 PM
yitzy said...

"Socializing is different from (limited) interaction. Without the latter, I tend to agree with Jewboy that many teens will view members of the opposite gender as sexual objects. "

Joe,

Honestly, if I didn't have first hand experience, knowing a number of people who have had limited interaction with the opposite gender for all their life before dating, I would agree with you 100%. However, the overwhelming majority of individuals who I know who have abstained from these casual interactions, have if anything more respect for women than anybody else I know. I do not know of a single case (and this is coming from years of learning in yeshiva) of guys who had been so repressed, that they viewed women plainly as sex objects.
10:43 PM
openyoureyes said...

Mr. Shick,

Nobody is asking you to believe my comments. What I am posting is true information, regardless of the fact that I am posting anonymously, or the fact that I am citing anonymous sources. Don't believe me? Do a little prodding yourself, you'll see it's true.

Would it give it any more credibility if I logged in under my blogger name?
6:29 AM
Elster said...

Excellent POst - Nice little indercurrent arguments that follow. All good stuff.

I agree with Jewboy. I think that there is a real need for some interaction between the sexes - which does not necessarily mean there need be yeshina sponsered events, but maybe a little loostening of the reigns when 2 kids say hello to each other motzei shabbos in the pizza store. The taboo is too great and, therefore, it has a negative impact on healthy development of teens.

Now again, not to quote secondary or third hand sources, but we probably all know of a yeshivah boy or BY girl or two who was sneaking around doing things they weren't supposed to. The more you say no to kids like this, the more they are going to want to see what all the "fuss" is about.

And also there is the whole issue of objectification/piece of meat issue. If you never speak to someone of the opposite sex, how can you possibly see that they have feelings, thoughts and the like, as opposed to a means towards sexual gratification and baby making? No offense.
9:48 AM
ytizy said...

elster,

This idea that the more you say no, the more someone will want to find out about it, would apply by pretty much anything else, except for this topic.

Sex is in an instinctual drive. It is out of control. In torah, it is often compared to fire, that if not kept in check, can turn into a blaze.

Kids are not running out and being promiscous, plainly to be rebellious against their parents and teachers who are saying no (though I am not saying this would never play a part in it either). There are hormones flying all over the place with these kids. I don't think a single boy or girl is saying, "well I don't really have a tayva to do this stuff, but now that my mom keeps saying no, I better go check it out." Putting gedarim on children is important. Everyone needs to have bounderies, especially children. Now if you wanted to bring up what a parent or teacher should do after discovering a child has been "messing around", that is a different story. But initially, I think that the casual socializing in friendships and etc. should be discouraged.

Your last point, the "piece of meat" syndrome, just does not exist. I know many think that it should logically, but it just doesn't. I have yet to meet someone who refrained from speaking to girls in high school (and I know hundreds of these people) who now objectifies women because of it. As I said before, if anything, these guys have more respect for women.
9:58 AM
Jewboy said...

Well, there's certainly been some interesting discussion here. I'll try to address a few people as best I can.

Yitz-I think a lot of your points are good. I too haven't been one to subscribe to the theory that girls and boys should talk because later on they need to know how to relate. This is a tough issue and I'm not proposing that we just promote social scenes without second thought. I just think, like Peninah has said, that treating talking to girls like a cardinal sin can be dangerous. I think that kids will have a more healthy mindset if everyone lightens up little. We all know that boys and girls will inevitably fool around, even those from yeshivos and Bais Yaacovs. The question is how to deal with it best. I think that the approach Peninah described her parents having is the best way-let your kids know your expectations, but don't go nuts. Also, I was not only referring to the way things are done in Baltimore in my post, but the Jewish world as a whole.

Peninah-Good job objecting to Yitzi in a respectful manner. I agree that we can't make assumptions about people in the blog world.

Yitzi again-You say that bochurim can diffrentiate between levels of wrongdoing, i.e. talking and doing a lot more. Possibly true, but also realize that bochurim who never speak to girls are afected a lot more than others if a girl suddenly makes conversation with them. I know this from experience in Israel. Whereas someone with experience talking to girls would say, no big deal, a guy who never has contact with girls can get all kinds of strange feelings.

Joe-It's a shame kids were thrown out for these minor infractions. Hopefully they didn't go of the derech. Good points as always.

Openyoureyes-While I'm sure you're teling the truth, it does sound a bit dubious when you quote a whole cahin of anonymoue sources who hear from each other. Perhaps it would be better to say "I heard from someone, etc.
10:21 AM
Joe Schick said...

Yitzy: I don't think we disagree strongly, but do get the sense that our experiences with the charedi world's treatment of this issue has differed. When I was in yeshiva, I heard rebbis say that we should even avoid saying hello to female cousins. Another time, in bais medrash, some guys (probably around 19 years old) were talking to a girl outside yeshiva (admittedly not the smartest thing to do) and a rebbi walked over and admonished them saying - in front of the girl - "if you're talking to girls, couldn't you at least find a good looking one to talk to?"

openyoureyes: Obviously I have no idea whether what you write about is true, but your refusal to name any sources makes it seem unlikely. Furthermore, even if it is true, it is impossible to ascertain why these girls were sexually active, since no circumstances or context are offered.
10:23 AM
Elster said...

Yitzy you say I'm wrong but don't really back it up. I disagree with you re: objectification. it's simply natural to objectify and generalize that which we have no connection or exposure to. It's a fact of life.
12:19 PM
Yitzy said...

Elster,

I can only speak from a male perspective as I have not spent any time in a BY, but the yeshivas that I attended, while stressing the importance of refraining from casual relationships with females, also praised the inherent goodness of a woman. The concept that the female is to be looked at as a princess, and that she has the noble responsibility of raising the next generation of talmidei chachomim was brought up constantly. That a woman is to be tznius and that her true beauty is on the inside were also discussed.

I'm not sure about you, but none of this in my opinion negatively objectifies women. This would not encourage a man to look at a woman as a piece of meat or as merely a means for sexual gratification.

I believe that your point would be true if the schools and yeshivas were to tell boys/girls "stay away from the opposite sex" and then leave at that. However, I know this is not the case.
1:05 PM
Jewboy said...

Yitzi-It is certainly true that not all yeshiva bochurim think of women as objects. Nor do yeshivos teach guys these types of things. To be fair to Elster, I think he still has a good point. The problem is not so much in what yeshivos teach guys as it is what mindsets are created from being so cut off from females. Again, this is certainly not an issue with all yeshiva bochurim, or even most, I would venture to say.
2:05 PM
yitzy said...

Jewboy,

I will admit that there are some yeshiva bochurim who would "objectify" women. However, I don't believe that the "seperation of the sexes" is the cause of this. There are people in every part of society who behave inapproriately with the opposite sex. Looking at the different cultures as a whole, the right winged orthodox Jewish community does NOT have a reputation for promiscuity or chauvanism.

Basically, there are tons of immoral male pigs who frequent bars on a nightly basis solely to hook up with women. These are men who grew up socializing with women their whole lives!

As a former graduate of Ner Israel, I would like you to think of the percentage of high school boys and yeshiva bochurim who you think would objectify/socialize with/hook up with women.

Now take that small percentage and tell me how many of these guys are behaving this way because they have been so separated?

I think both you and I know that this tiny percentage is made up of individuals who would be doing ten times worse, were they in a co-ed environment their whole lives.

In my experience with speaking with Ner Israel students, the ones who had the most limited regular exposure with women, were often the guys who were the most respectful of women.
3:12 PM
Jewboy said...

Yitzi-Valid points. However, I have experienced guys who were totally unreasonable about their demands for looks in a wife. They wanted supermodels and nothing less. I heard of a guy rejecting a girl he actually liked because the girl was "little girl" pretty and not really pretty. Crazy. This phenomenon can be blamed on many things and is certainly not the case with all bochurim. Nut I think that some of this way of thinking may develop from such limited contact with girls. Boys then have a hard time seeing past the mere body.
7:53 PM
Outoftown said...

I don't know about the BY in Baltimore, but at the BY I used to work at, talking to boys was indeed a very serious offense. I have a friend with older daughters (12 and up) who said she was going not going to be able to invite certain friends for Shabbos anymore because they had older sons.

I think the best way for boys and girls to relate to each other would be if their families are invited for shabbos to families with children of the opposite sex, and taught to relate normally. Being able to speak, and not be embarrassed, to memebers of the opposite sex at a Shabbos table, with your parents present, should be a goal that parents have.

Of course, my oldest son in only 4, so I am certainly no expert.
12:14 PM

Ethnographic look at Yeshiva students from 1996 (long)

2006-06-05T20:46:00.000-07:00

Yeshivot (plural for yeshiva) are rather peculiar institutions in 20th century America. These important bastions of an era gone by are surprisingly vibrant, an accurate reflection of the recent orthodox Jewish rejuvenation in this country and Israel. They are passionate about not allowing the Holocaust to destroy what was once the spiritual and intellectual life source in the shtetls of Europe. They are Orthodox Judaism as it is meant to be executed, with emphasis placed on Jewish law and ancient tradition. Amazingly self contained, these places of higher learning are far removed from the society in which they coexist. For those unaccustomed to the ins and outs, a visit is a severe culture shock, leaving many wondering if in fact they can believe what they had just witnessed.

These all male schools are rigorous, with grueling 15 hour a day schedules. It is most interesting to observe how these young men spend their limited spare time. The students come from all different backgrounds from all around the country and therefore, there are some distinct pastimes. All, however, are approved hobbies, neither violating Jewish law, tradition or the particular world view of the institution s rabbis.

Although it would be almost imperceivable for an outsider, many yeshivot have different philosophies regarding what is permitted and what is not. On a visit to one yeshiva one may find talmidim (students at a religious school) reading books and popular magazines, while a visit to another may leave one with the impression that such pursuit is not only a waste of time, but a serious violation of Jewish law.
Attitudes towards universities follows a similar pattern. While one yeshiva may preach that one should prefer death rather than attend a secular school, others may allow their students to attend openly with full permission. However, it is important to understand that even according to most yeshivot that allow their students to attend university, it is considered a necessary evil and is only allowed as a secondary pursuit, always remaining far behind their religious studies in significance. Young men are encouraged to remain in yeshiva for as long as they are in school, to help minimize the negative and dangerous affects their secular schooling may have on themselves and their religious observance.
The objective of my study was to determine how the student subculture of yeshiva college students, who come from an atmosphere which is at very best skeptical about the overall benefits and ramifications of college attendance, view their college experience. Do yeshiva college students consider themselves a part of the larger culture of college students?

As Astin claims (as quoted in Whitt 1996) "students peer groups are the single most potent source on influence and growth and development during the undergraduate years." Are yeshiva college students socialized by peer groups at their universities, or only by their peers at yeshiva? What affect, if any, does college attendance have on them?

For the purposes of this study, student subculture is defined as
Smaller, distinctive groups within the dominant student culture that are held together by a persistent interaction and a common allegiance to certain values, beliefs rituals and practices and codes of conduct.

Culture will be defined according to Tiereney (1988)
The collective, mutually shaping patterns of norms, values, practices, beliefs and assumptions that guide the behavior of individuals and groups (1988 pp. 12-13).

Socialization will be defined as
The process by which people begin to adopt the perspectives of the group with which they wish to affiliate. (Kuh, Hall 1992 p.11)

Data was gathered from personal interviews with ten yeshiva college students currently enrolled in dual programs at three different yeshivot nationwide between the beginning of October and the end of November, 1996. All three yeshivot had open policies allowing their students to attend college part time while remaining fully enrolled in the yeshiva's religious program. However, yeshiva college students remained a minority at each institution, as the majority of yeshiva students focused on their religious studies exclusively. Permission was received from Rabbi Peretz Zachai and Rabbi Jerold Eisenberg to conduct research at their institutions in October of 1996. As per request, a copy of the complete study will be made available to Rabbi Zachai.

The students themselves were all Caucasian, between the ages of 18 and 22. Their college and yeshiva experience varied greatly. However, all students were in at least their second year of yeshiva and first year of college.
Survey questions queried students feelings regarding their yeshiva and university's perspective on a number of selected issues, as well as their own personal feelings. Results of the study will be presented using direct quotations and examples from the different students interviewed. As requested, pseudonyms will be used, and no direct link between any particular student and his institution will be made.
One major theme was easily apparent throughout my research. Yeshiva college students view themselves as yeshiva students who happen to be in college. The emphasis was unilaterally placed on yeshiva, with college merely serving as a vehicle to an end, that end being becoming self sufficient and self supportive.
After responding to questions regarding their yeshiva and their college's perspective on college attendance, six of the ten interviewees responded to questions about their personal beliefs by simply saying "the same" without reference to which of the two distinct institutional perspectives they just described they agreed with. Upon further prodding each one clarified that he meant "the same as my yeshiva." No further information was offered, as it appeared that these students felt that whatever it was their yeshiva espoused was more than a sufficient answer for them as well. What s more, it appears that they felt it obvious that when they said the same that they were referring to the yeshiva. When asked to clarify, several laughed, as if to imply that the answer was obvious. Why would anyone think that they could be referring to anything but their yeshiva?
There was quite a bit of agreement as to what role the students felt their yeshiva believed college should play. All ten students responded that it was for a "parnassa (livelihood)" and nothing more. Isaac said, "One should not take any courses he does not need", just the minimum required to earn his degree and get the job he is looking for. Jacob, clearly the most contemplative and thoughtful of all interviewees, added that college actually helps individuals in their religious studies, as "people will have peace of mind by going to college to learn how to make a living. Therefore they will be able to learn (Jewish studies) better. It can help compliment rabbinics, so therefore in my mind going to college helps me serve G-d better." In other words, college is a vehicle to an end (money), which when attained, allows one to better serve G-d through his studies and practices without unnecessary interruptions. Furthermore, it may provide an aspiring rabbi with important skills that allows him to function better in a religious leadership role in a secular society. Jacob also mentioned that he had just been thinking about the very same questions over the last few days, trying to sort out his beliefs, as well as those of his yeshiva.

However, college attendance is not necessarily an appropriate first option. It should only be pursued after a number of years in yeshiva (nine of the ten students had been in yeshiva for several years more than they had been in college) and then, only as Simon put it, for "somebody who is not necessarily going into chinuch (Jewish education and teaching)." If, however, chinuch is an option, clearly most of the students, including Simon, believed that college attendance was not recommended.

Even Abraham, who did say that he agreed with his university's perspective regarding attendance (that everyone secular or religious should attend college), believed that the purpose of college attendance, according to both his university and his yeshiva was, "to go to grad school." When asked why that was important, he responded "You can earn more money that way" Evidently, he believes that the perspective of his yeshiva regarding the purpose of a university was the standard belief employed in the halls of his university as well.

Most students, however, were able to give more standard replies to questions about their university's perspective. All ten responded that their university believed that "everyone...that can meet the academic requirements" should at least have the opportunity to attend college. Most felt that college attendance was an important thing within the non Jewish community and should be encouraged whenever possible.
All the students, with the exception of Abraham, felt that their university had high, lofty goals in mind in the furtherance of the education of their students. As Rueben said, college helps them "gain an education, and provide(s) them with the tools for life." Or, as Simon said, To give people a broad perspective allowing them to explore different cultures. And, of course, the standard reply was given by four students, universities are there to produce well rounded individuals.
Two other students also mentioned earning money and getting a job as important, but placed that as a lower priority on the college's agenda.
It is very interesting that these students were able to produce such in depth and complete answers to questions regarding their university's perspective, while only one of them would admit to actually believing them to be true. Simon's response was most telling. After describing a college's purpose as "teaching students how to think, and helping them grow up through the college experience", he then remarked, "College is the biggest farce in America." He believed that colleges can claim whatever they will, but they accomplish nothing productive besides providing people with the education necessary to earn a degree, and then a job within a particular field.

None of the interviewees had ever participated in an extra curricular activity. Several were not even aware that such programs existed on their campuses. Simon remarked, "No (I have never participated) thank G-d! They are a complete waste of time. They are completely menuval (disgusting, appealing to base instincts) but are disguised with good intentions." Becoming a well rounded individual does not justify "all the other garbage that comes with it" in Simon's eyes. These activities have one goal in mind, and that is to allow students to do as they please, act in an immoral manner with full university sanction. All the interviewees made it abundantly clear that for them there was no distinction between regular university activities and activities sponsored by on campus Jewish social organizations such as Hillel.

Although Simon was the only student to openly criticize extra curricular activities, it was clear that none of the students considered them an appropriate way to spend their time. Their roles as college students was to go to class, take notes and tests and go back to their yeshiva.

Academic activities followed a similar pattern. Most students did not know that such programs existed. Jacob said that he "uses the computers. Does that count?" Dan, the only student that replied that he had participated in some, said it was only with "with other Jewish students who are frum (orthodox). He never participated in any programs with the "blacks and other dregs of society" that he attends school with. Information regarding exactly who the other "dregs of society" were was not offered.

None of the students made mention of what role they played in class with the exception of Simon who said that he treated it much the same way he did his Talmud class, becoming deeply involved, challenging the instructor on many small points, much to the dismay of many of his classmates. Simon reported feeling perplexed at his classmates reaction.

Feeling perplexed or left out was a common theme among the students. Seven of the ten students mentioned that they feel or have felt an abnormal amount of stress and tension being in both yeshiva and college at the same time. Dan mentioned the problems with "time constraints." The dual program can average 15 hour days, "making it extremely hard to find time to do college homework", another poignant reference as to which program has priority.
Others mentioned coeducation. Coming from all male private education classrooms, "it s a different world , Hillel said. It can be rather perplexing and even disturbing to one who is unaccustomed to such a setting.
Still others mentioned standing out. Dan said that wearing his kippa (skullcap worn by orthodox Jewish males) everyone looked at me differently, as if I was a smart rich Jew. However, these differences were rather easy to overcome, as most claimed that their feelings of tension wore off within a couple of weeks, some in the most interesting way. Benji said, I just learned that I'm different from them and they are different from me. I'm not trying to be part of them and they are not trying to be part of me." He admitted that such a relationship made him somewhat of a loner but he did not care. "We just keep our distance." The belief was that they were there for a decidedly different purpose, and they would have to live with that while their classmates would have to learn to live with them. It was clear that this distinction bothered Benji somewhat. However he got used to it and accepted it as a fact.

Simon reported major difficulties along the same lines.
I ask many questions in class. Sometimes I try and gauge if the professor is being honest about my questions. When I raise my hand and say I'll try to be brief, I hear shifting in the classroom, I think it has to do with my being Jewish I mean, some of the people in my class are complete bozos. They don't get buggy when someone else asks questions, only me. I have to be careful so that I don't cause a chilul hashem (desecration of G-d's name). They are all laughing together at me. One time I asked a professor if his course material would be clean and appropriate before the semester. He told me it would, but he lied and penalized me for not reading a disgusting story, brushing aside my religious requirements.

Simon got straight to the heart of the matter and discovered some major differences in classroom structure and content between his two realities. Apparently, he finds it difficult to understand why his distinct style, mannerisms and sensitivities are hard to understand in an American classroom, believing that his religion and possibly, anti- Semitism, are the root causes of his classroom discomfort.
It is interesting to note, however, that Simon is not so concerned with how he is viewed in his class. They don't like him. So? Let them laugh, they are "bozos" anyway. Why would anyone object to a sincere attempt to understand and analyze the class material? His real concern is of violating religious law, and he tries to be careful not to cause a chilul hashem. Non association with other students does not bother him at all, as socializing is not an important aspect of his college experience.

Jacob saw the tension in a different way. When asked about tensions he has experienced at school he said,
Yes (I have experienced it). It s wild My very first class was a few hours before kol nidra (the solemn opening service for Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement) All around (the) yeshiva, it was a day of introspection. I went to college and heard a girl talk about her new king size bed and how it is so empty (implying that she would like some company in filling it up). That's the tip of the iceberg of the vast cultural differences. There is much more emphasis of enjoying life in college, the 'college scene.' In yeshiva, it boils down to how hard you work. I see how much free time everyone has. And then there is the girl thing. In college a girl is just a girl. In yeshiva, talking to a girl on the phone is a massive thing (a bad thing). In college, they treat each other like people.

Jacob had discovered a completely new, and decidedly different, culture. It seemed almost as if he was completely removing himself from his experience, analyzing his cultural experience much the same way he would analyze a text book. It was a learning experience in as much as he was observing a brand new culture, not socializing himself into a different one. It was quite clear which culture he believed superior, and that he, under no circumstances, would willingly allow the culture he was experiencing creep into his own personality.
The amount of respect in his voice when discussing his yeshiva vs the disdain he felt for the lack of morals of the college scene was easily evident. He was glowing, openly enthusiastic when describing the solemnness and holiness of the yeshiva. On the other hand, the open disdain and distaste for his university culture easily shone through..... Even his comments about the relationships with girls showed his perspective, as it was clear that comments such as "they treat each other like people" was meant to illustrate his surprise at the difference, and should not be taken as a rebuke of his yeshiva's policies.

It was very surprising that none of the students interviewed mentioned that they felt that their secular studies were a hindrance to their religious studies. Although some mentioned that they were greatly overworked, trying to adhere to all of the requirements of an exhaustive dual program, the students seemed more concerned about the curious effects inter societal mingling (or lack thereof) has on them, rather than the amount of time their chosen course of study was taking away from their religious pursuits. This was something they felt they had to do, even though it took time and almost Herculean effort to accomplish.

The most interesting, and diverse set of answers I received was regarding the benefits the students interviewed felt they have gained from being enrolled at a university. Some responses were predictable. Simon and Jacob both said that they "had more credits under their belts", and were therefore closer to finishing off their degrees. The rest of the students were evenly split. Those that had not been in university attendance for very long said that they felt they had gained nothing as of yet. After saying that, two mentioned that they had picked up some interesting information about psychology and anthropology, respectively. This, however, did not seem to be the kind of information or influence that they had been seeking from their college experience, possibly because these were general education courses and did not specifically help towards the completion of their majors. They apparently have found it hard to understand how the information they were processing was going to translate itself into making them more marketable for future employment.
Interestingly, two students said that college made them more worldly. Abraham s attitude did not come as a surprise to me. He was the one student that believed in his college's perspective over that of his yeshiva's. What makes his response all the more intriguing is the fact that Abraham had not mentioned becoming well rounded or worldly when asked about the purposes of university attendance. Instead, he felt that the university itself believed the importance of college attendance was for professional training, i.e. the learning of a trade. How or why the concept of worldliness entered his view now is hard to understand. Does he feel that he had extended past the stated goal of his university? Does he believe that something unintended has become the most important facet of his collegiate experience?
Two other students claimed that college attendance has greatly helped their Jewish studies, improving their study habits, and forcing them to work harder at their religious studies. However, this should be understood as a good thing because of the Jewish concept, according to the effort is the reward.

It is very clear that these students have resisted socialization by their university peers at all costs. They consider their universities to be potentially dangerous places that they must protect themselves from. They have a narrow focus. Their training is strictly vocational. The idea of becoming well rounded is at best a waste of time, better spent in religious pursuits. The "college scene" is a place with loose morals, a simple excuse for justifying any behavior. It was different from what they were accustomed to at yeshiva, and they found it unusual. They have chosen not to interact with their fellow students, whom they find inexplicably different as well as hard to comprehend. They have no desire to adapt or become part of this foreign environment as they are positive that the culture at their yeshiva suits them better.

They believe that college attendance can be positive if it, in some way, aids their religiosity by giving them peace of mind or teaching them important leadership skills. It is something that has to be done, and can be done safely as long as the student remains firmly entrenched within his yeshiva while pursuing it.
Upon the conclusion of his interview, Jacob remarked, "What an interesting series of questions to ask yeshiva guys." He felt that these were important questions that the students themselves should contemplate from time to time. However, he added, "You're not going to show this to your teacher, are you? I'm afraid that the goyishe velt (non Jewish world) won't understand."
He is absolutely correct. No matter how well presented or how thorough an introduction, it is extremely hard for outsiders to understand how yeshivot operate. Can anyone hope to understand a 2,000 year old institution cultivated in a ghetto society in a mere 15 pages? Certainly not. However, it is important to understand that the perspective these students espouse is the product of a carefully engineered program designed with one goal in mind, the furtherance and protection of traditional fundamentalist Judaism as it was meant to be practiced.
Assimilation is the largest single threat to orthodox Judaism in America. Many estimates claim that more Jews will simply disappear from sight then were killed in the Holocaust! Intermarriage is at its highest level in recorded Jewish history. Upon questioning, fewer and fewer Jews respond that if given a choice they would want to be born Jewish. The pride that has kept Judaism so vibrant for so many thousands of years is quickly withering away.

To many Jews, these facts are irrelevant, treated with indifference. However, to an institutions whose goal it is to promote fundamentalist traditional Judaism, it spells disaster. Isolation and intense programs are considered the strongest and most effective means of keeping young men Jewish. Rabbis at these institution are well aware of the effects collegiate peer interactions can have on their students, and they are vigilant against them. They fully understand that the more a student is exposed to the outside world with all of its enticements, the more likely he is to be affected and socialized by it, changing him forever. If we are honest, we would realize that this change is for the worse considering where these students have come from and the direction they have indicated they want to lead their lives.
Universities are not necessarily the root cause of the problems. However, they are symptomatic of it. Universities are accurate reflections of the community at large, and to many young yeshiva students, represent their first real interaction with the outside world. And, it is an extremely difficult thing. Many students, like Simon, don't understand that college is a different reality with a different culture. Things are done differently and what is an acceptable and encouraged practice at his yeshiva is looked at with scorn and ridicule at his university.

Overall, however, the system works well, keeping yeshiva students insulated, virtually unaffected by their peers, and completely orthodox, while affording them the opportunity to pursue careers. What s more, the rabbis at these institutions know that eventually their students will themselves some day go out into the secular world. The hope then is that this controlled environment in which their first experience took place will serve as a model for appropriate interactions throughout the rest of their lives.

There are dangers involved in such a set up as well. Some students, such as Dan, may misinterpret their orders to remain segregated as a justification for feeling superior and aloof. Calling college students the "dregs of society" is a perfect example of over applying the rabbis intentions. Most, however, never come to such radical conclusions. Benji's response was most representative, I'm different from them and they are different from me. I'm not trying to be part of them and they are not trying to be part of me. Perfection! He has understood exactly what his rabbis had intended. Do your own thing and remain who you are. You'll see many different people and things at school, don't let them get to you or affect you. You are a yeshiva student. Remember that and remain who you are and college can be a productive time in your life.

In conclusion, members of the university community must constantly keep in mind that their students differ in many ways. Every university has a mission. Many believe it important to socialize all students into their university's culture. And although there are always people who resist such socialization for unhealthy reasons, we must keep in mind that some are doing it for very well thought out and positive reasons. Our goal is to produce better and more productive citizens, but America is a country in which religious freedom and pluralism is an integral part. We must allow those who resist our mission for the sake of the strength and continuance of their religion, the space and comfort in which to do so.

A Whole 'lotta Jews

2006-06-05T20:41:00.000-07:00

I went to the Salute to Israel Day Parade yesterday with my wife, kids, and some friends. I wound up right next to the reviewing stand on 61st and 5th Avenue. We arrived relatively early and really had an opportunity to enjoy seeing the diverse groups of Jewish marchers and other guests marching in support of Israel.

Despite cool weather and spotty sunshine, the parade was really enjoyable. Even one potentially ugly moment led to a benign outcome. I watched as a lone protester strode down 5th Avenue holding a bright orange sign that was handwritten with something along the lines of "Get rid of Olmert, yada yada yada."

One of the parade organizers, a woman, ran up to him and grabbed the sign from his hands crumpling it up and throwing it behind the sound system. I had noticed the sign and despite wearing an orange T-shirt under my own white polo shirt, sort of my own subtle statement, I felt annoyed to see such overt politicization on a day when I feel all Jews, at least those at the parade, should try to demonstrate as overt a sense of unity as possible.

A shouting match quickly ensued and in a heartbeat, four of NY's Finest huddled around the pair. After a moment or two of information gathering from the two combatants, the police officers demanded the furious woman return the man's sign...but they warned the man to keep he and his sign in the periphery and not try to march the parade route.

The protester, who was clearly not interested in getting arrested, promised to do so and after calling the parade organizer an 'idiot,' disappeared into the crowd, crumpled sign in hand. The woman looked furious and the man seemed cowed as he slunk away, but at least the First Amendment wasn't thoroughly trampled.

Standing on the sideline, I found myself ruminating two thoroughly counterintuitive points:

1) Watching an African American marching band, with its teenaged, scantily clad, leggy majorettes shaking their money makers to a crowd of young kids, 30-something parents and middle-aged to senior citizen Israel supporters, it occurred to me why the so-called frummer oylam, aside from their feelings toward the "State of Israel," would encourage their students to stay away. While definitely PG, probably even G-rated fare, some of the marchers still provided images the typical Rosh Yeshiva probably sits up nights thinking of ways to prevent talmidim from seeing. Certainly no less benign than the be-miniskirted Catholic high school girls I used to ride the city bus with every morning going to yeshiva, but a justifiable concern nonetheless.

2) Seeing the diverse range of Jewish people marching, thousands of Jews who seemed to range from completely secular to fairly religious frum, it struck me as unfortunate that a vast number of the so-called Chareidim will never fully see the true breadth of the Jewish nation, let alone view them as equals. Jews come in so many different varieties, but they are all still Jews. I know that in most cases the feeling is mutual, where more modern Jews look down their noses at "frummer" jews as ignorant, close-minded boors. Barely illustrating this point, but instructive nonetheless, standing right next to us were a few girls from Shulamith High School, an all girls school in Brooklyn, who loudly booed when another all girls school, that I know is slightly "frummer" than Shulamith, but of a very similar hashkafa, marched by. Though I know teenagers are by-and-large moronic, and wont to such pointless, petty elitism, I still couldn't help but chuckle knowing the Central (YU's girls high school) students who came marching past a few minutes later probably seemed pretty urbane to these same Shulamith girls. I noticed they didn't snicker at them. Needless to say, I remember from my own days in high School, the Central girls, though in my case it would have been the MTA guys, if they noticed at all, would have quite chuckle if told how cool these Shulamith thought they were. Apparently, everyone needs to look down or up on someone. and teenage pettiness aside, many Jews seem to have this tendency (myself included), which is to sneer at some Jews as provincial, and in the process elevate those who appear to be more sophisticated.

To punctuate this point of Jews viewing and appreciating each other as different parts of the same big, wacky family my brother-in-law, who is not completely observant, joined us at one point during the parade and was talking to my wife. A friend from shul passed by a few minutes later and stopped to chat. He glanced at my wife and then asked me who she was talking to. My friend, who grew up in a fairly modern background, surprised me, when i told him my wife was talking to her brother, by asking where his yarmulke was. It's possible he was joking around, he has a funny sense of humor (funny as in weird), but I found myself wondering why anyone would ask that question and why anyone would have to answer it. Instead I just said, "There are all types of Jews out there. And I love all Jews."

I really think all Jews, myself included, should practice saying those words in the mirror every day. "There are all types of Jews out there. And I love all Jews." It's a cleansing affirmation and it would do a whole 'lotta good. The fact is, there are a whole 'lotta Jews out there, and by hook or by crook, we all 'gotta get along.

1 Comments:

I loved this post, especially the last paragraph. I wish I could have attended the event. The only thing I would like to add, is that the charedi world could probably have the event more suited to their needs IF THEY WERE INVOLVED IN THE FIRST PLACE!

By The Jewish Freak, at 9:17 PM

Q & A about being Gay and Frum

2006-05-31T19:02:00.000-07:00

Is it possible to be gay and frum (a religious observant Jew)?
Yes. Being sexually attracted to people of the same sex - having a gay (homosexual) orientation - does not violate halacha (Jewish law) in any way. Halacha only addresses behavior and conduct; it does not attempt to control feelings or sexual attractions. A person can be gay and also observe all the mitzvos (commandments). There is no contradiction in being gay and being frum.

What does the Torah say about homosexuality?
The Torah does not say anything about being gay--about having a homosexual orientation. What the Torah addresses is certain specific homosexual conduct. The Torah says:

"Ve-et zachar lo tishcav mishkevei isha to'evah hi" (Vayikra 18:22)
"A man shall not lie with another man as he would lie with a woman, it is an abhorrence (n.1)" (Leviticus 18:22).

"Ve-ish asher yishcav et zachar mishkevei isha to'evah asu shneihem mot yumtu demeihem bam." (Vayikra 20:13).
"A man who lies with a man [in the way of] lying with a woman, both of them have done an abhorrent thing (n.1) and shall die for it." (Leviticus 20:13).

Chazal (the Rabbis) understand that here "mishkevei," which is translated as "lie," means anal penetration (Sanhedrin 54). So the Torah, Chazal tell us, says that two men should not have anal sex; it is a to'evah--an "abhorrence" (n.1). We learn that to'evah is a contraction for "to'eh atah bah" ("being led astray") (Nedarim 51a). A man may be led astray from his wife and home by having anal intercourse with men (Tosafos on Nedarim 51a) or go astray from the foundations of creation--from procreation (Torah Temimah on Vayikra 18:22). And while halacha has prohibited other things because they might lead to anal sex (Sefer HaMitzvos 353; Even HaEzer 20), other things are not a to'evah.

The Torah does not specifically address homosexual conduct between women at all, but halacha says that women should avoid it (Even HaEzer 20). Sexual activity between two women, though, is not a to'evah.

So what can I do about sex as a frum gay Jew?
As frum Jews, we strive to observe as many mitzvos as possible. Some decide not to act on their sexual feelings and choose to be celibate. Others feel that they need intimate sexual contact with another person; so they kiss, hug, and caress, may touch in ways that lead to orgasm (such as mutual masturbation), and may also have oral sex. Many men, though, decide not to have anal sex based on the psukim in Vayikra (verses in Leviticus), and understand this to be a limit that G-d put on what two men can do (other limits, for example, are placed on what we eat (kashrus, the Jewish dietary laws) and when straight couples can have sex (niddah, the marital purity laws)). The important thing to remember is that whatever you decide, you are always a Jew and you can also be frum.

Can I still be frum if I don't abstain from having sex?
Every Jew is rewarded for each mitzvah he does and is responsible for each averah (transgression) he commits. Just because a Jew cannot observe every mitzvah does not mean he should not do any and does not mean that he cannot live within a framework of traditional Judaism. All Jews have shortcomings: "for there is no person so wholly righteous on earth that he [always] does good and never sins" (Kohelet 7:20). We can observe Shabbos and yomim tovim (the Sabbath and holidays), keep kashrus, daven (pray), learn Torah, visit the sick, give charity--in short we can do as many mitzvos as possible.

What if in the past I've had male anal sex?
Homosexual activity has no bearing on one's Jewishness. And while the Torah says that men should not have anal sex, all humans, by their very nature, are imperfect. This is why teshuvah (repentance) was given to us.

What if for me male anal sex is a necessity for intimacy?
"Be-kol drachechah da'eihu" (Mishlay 3:6) ("In all your ways know G-d," Proverbs 3:6), even when doing an averah (transgression) (Brachos 63a). If one does an averah, instead of breaking away from G-d, one can come closer to G-d by doing other mitzvos. G-d is always with us. When a person falls, he falls into the lap of G-d.

Why did G-d make me gay?
"Va-yar Elokim et kol asher asah v-hinei tov meod" (Bereshis 1:31) ("And G-d saw all that He had made, and found it very good." Genesis 1:31). Every person is created in the image of G-d (be-tzelem Elokim, Bereshis 1:27 and 9:6). We do not understand why G-d has created us this way (whether it is genetic or acquired, the Torah does not express any view) and why G-d created others with different characteristics. We are as beloved in the eyes of G-d as any other Jew and we are as responsible as any other Jew in observing the mitzvos. We will merit the same share in the world to come as all other Jews, as it is written "Kol Yisrael yesh la-hem chelek l'olam ha-bah" ("All Israel has a share in the world to come" Mishnah Sanhedrin 10:1).

What about the mitzvah of pru urvu (procreation)?
Some gay people feel they can make a good marriage and fulfill the important mitzvah of having children. Artificial insemination and surrogacy give gay people other possibilities today they didn't have in the past. But many gay people realize that marriage and having children are not options for them. Not everyone is able to have children. Some people are infertile, others are unable to care for children, and some reluctantly are not in a position to have children. But anyone, gay or straight, who does not have children is still a full-fledged member of the Jewish community and can still be an observant Jew. For example, the great Tanna (Sage) Shimon Ben Azzai, who never married or had children, said "the world can be perpetuated by others." (Yevamos 63b). As it says in Isaiah 56:3:

And let not the saris [the male who cannot have children] say, "I am a withered tree." For thus said the L-rd: "As regards the sarisim who keep My sabbaths, who have chosen what I desire, and hold fast to My covenant -- I will give them, in My House and within My walls, a monument and a name better than sons or daughters. I will give them an everlasting name which shall not perish."

How can I contribute to the continuity of the Jewish people?
There are many things we can do that make important contributions to k'lal Yisrael (the Jewish community). We can teach Torah to others, which furthers the education of future generations. And we can devote considerable time to others, something people with children may not have the time to do. This can involve community leadership positions in shul (synagogue), charities, or other causes. We can also generously give tzdakah (charity).

What can I tell people who hate homosexuals?
Most often feelings of hate are based on ignorance, misunderstanding, and fear of the unknown. And it may not be so much "hate" as disapproval of certain conduct. Attitudes often change with education, and after meeting gay people and understanding halacha, most people will accept the fact that a person is gay. It may also help to remind them that Hillel said: Ve-al tadin et chavercha ad she-tagia li-mkomo (Pirke Avos 2:5) (Do not judge your fellow until you are in his place. Ethics of the Fathers 2:5).

Are there other frum gay Jews out there?
Yes, there are many people who are frum and gay. Until recently, most gay Jews in Orthodox communities were alone. Now there are more resources than ever. Please check out the Gay and Lesbian Yeshiva and Day School Alumni Association (recorded information is available by calling 212-780-4656 or contact us by e-mail at GayJews@aol.com).

These responses are consistent with halacha (Jewish law) and Jewish tradition and were reviewed by Orthodox Rabbis.

Note 1: The translation of "to'evah" is usually "abhorrence" or "abomination." It is used in the Tanach (the Bible) approximately one hundred times in connection with various kinds of conduct such as arrogant behavior, using false scales, and most often worshiping idols (avodah za'ra). To'evah is used in many situations that do not involve issues of sexuality or "morality" and this broader use indicates that the transgression is more in the nature of a "mistake."

Making It in the Workplace, and Creating Kiddush Hashem In The Process

2006-05-31T18:54:00.000-07:00

True kiddush Shem Shamayim – sanctifying the Heavenly Name – is achieved when an individual is alone within the four walls of his room; faced with the opportunity to violate a Torah command, he refrains from doing so because he realizes that his every action is scrutinized by G-d. When others are also aware of his respect for G-d’s wishes, the kiddush Hashem grows; the wider the awareness, the greater the kiddush Hashem. But the starting place is in the privacy of the heart of that single Jew.

Widespread kiddush Hashem will prompt observers to comment: “How wonderful are the deeds of So-and-so. How fortunate are his parents for having taught him Torah!” (See Yoma 86a.)

The Orthodox Jew in the marketplace faces frequent challenges to his fidelity to Torah values and mitzvah observance. At the same time, he may be struggling to make his mark in his particular field of endeavor, which may appear to be threatened as a result of his open adherence to Torah guidelines. In the article that follows, Yosi Heber, an executive at Dannon/Lea & Perrins, describes his effort to succeed in his corner of the corporate world, while remaining faithful to Torah, and hoping to generate a kiddush Hashem at the same time.

* * *

I’ll never forget the first week of my “career.” Here I was, a newly-minted Wharton MBA, ready to plunge into the corporate world and make my mark. At the end of my first week at General Foods, I called my mother and told her how worried I was about my future prospects. There was a “class” of six of us who started at the same time in the Desserts Division. Spence and Carol were best friends from Harvard. Matt was one of the boys who played golf with the big boss on Saturdays. Mary really looked the part of junior executive. And then there was me, Yosi. I overheard one of the secretaries ask, “What’s a Yosi?” One of my new roles was to create new Jello recipes. I couldn’t even eat the Jello! “I’ll never make it,” I told my mother. I couldn’t possibly be one of them or fit in with them. How would I survive in this “jungle”?

After a year on the job, I came to the following conclusion: If an employee is a non-Jew, he or she can be perceived in the eyes of an employer in one of three ways: liked by people, disliked by people, or middle of the road (“one of the boys”).

If a person is a frum Jew, however, there are only two possibilities: Either you will be respected because you are a frum Jew (and you create a kiddush Hashem), or you’ll be disliked because you are a frum Jew (and that can lead to chillul Hashem). You cannot and will not ever be accepted as “one of the boys.” There is simply no middle ground for you in a corporate environment.

Therefore, when faced with the prospects of working in this type of setting, you would want to be sure to land on the right side. In fact, the possibility of creating a chillul Hashem cannot be taken lightly. As the Gemara says: “If a person creates a chillul Hashem, even doing teshuvah on Yom Kippur does not achieve atonement for him” (Yoma 86a). The question is -- how can one insure that he or she will create a positive impression, be properly respected, and make a kiddush Hashem in such a difficult environment? One must work hard at it. I have consulted with people who are in similar situations, and we have come up with six rules that have been found to be helpful in achieving success.

Six Rules of Thumb

Bend over backwards to be nice to people. Did you ever notice that when something goes wrong, people are always “Johnny on the spot” to complain and blame? Be the one to speak up when things go right! Offer compliments to people who deserve them. Send greeting cards on appropriate occasions and verbally express thanks to the people who have been of help to you. And if you move up the corporate ladder and become other people’s boss, aim at being an “easygoing” boss. The bottom line is, if you treat people well, they’ll both respect you and like you as a person.

Do outstanding quality work. Don’t just do your job, do it with a high degree of excellence. Know your field inside out, and be creative with new ideas. Become recognized as the resident expert on chosen subjects. Offer help and give guidance to anyone who needs it, at any level. By giving the job your absolute best, you’ll be highly valued for your contributions to the organization.

Be consistent in your religious conduct. Never waffle. They’ll respect you for it. If they perceive that you are only religious when it’s convenient for you (e.g., leaving early on Fridays), then you’re in trouble.

David, a successful systems analyst in a large firm, knew that he was on the right track when a peer said to him, “If only I were as consistent with my diet as you are with your religion, I would’ve lost 30 pounds by now.”

Be frum, but show them that you are a “normal” person. Begin by being “professionally” friendly. Demonstrate that you have a sense of humor, talk about politics, and ask your co-workers about their families. They’ll appreciate your worldliness and your interest in them personally. This type of professional friendliness can be more powerful than conforming to the “social” friendliness stereotype that people think one needs to succeed (e.g., having drinks together after work).

Although it can be a bit tricky, one should actively look for ways to demonstrate “normality” to them. Use common sense. While there are a number of halachic issues that you cannot compromise on, there are other things that can be done well within the boundaries of halachah.

Josh, a finance director at a well-known New York bank, remembers having been “required” to go to the company’s annual picnic and baseball game. He felt uncomfortable playing in the field, so he grabbed the microphone and announced the proceedings play by play, and enthusiastically cheered the hits and catches. To his colleagues, it demonstrated that he was “normal.”

Be someone whom people enjoy being around. Have a positive attitude and project yourself as a happy person. As the Gemara (Succah 49) says: “If a person projects happiness and chein, it becomes clear to people that he is a yerei Shamayim.”

Strengthen your ruchnius level at home. This, in truth, is the core of all kiddush Hashem. Being exposed to the added nisyonos (temptations) of the outside world requires that extra attention be paid to your frumkeit level when you’re not at work. Make certain that you have a Rav to whom you can present she’eilos and can consult for advice, and always maintain a k’vius (set time) to study Torah every day without fail. Daf Yomi is an excellent vehicle for this because even if you travel on business, the daily daf is exactly the same whether you’re in Los Angeles, London or Lawrence.

It may seem improbable, but I have met many prominent people in the corporate world over the years, who say that by merely following these types of guidelines, they have never really had a negative experience. Even in seemingly difficult situations (e.g., late Friday meetings, business trips abroad, etc.), many comment that they have always felt that they were respected for their religious beliefs, and not thought of as “odd” because they were so different from everyone else in their respective companies.

The Importance of Being an Ambassador

One might ask, why is it so important to bear in mind that one is representing the Jewish people, so to speak, in the marketplace -- the kiddush Hashem factor, if you will? Isn’t it sufficient to just do your job positively, deliver faithfully, and hope for the best? The answer is simple. First of all, as one is always a Jew -- 24 hours a day -- so too, is one always viewed as a Jew. Kiddush Hashem and the opposite are always on the agenda.

In addition, it is worthwhile to bear in mind the bigger picture. One can never know which person one works with today will be in a position of major influence for Klal Yisrael in 20 years. The lawyer next door may someday be sitting on the Supreme Court. If he’s deciding a case important to the Jewish community, and you were his “Jewish” friend, the impression one leaves today could have a profound impact on vast numbers of people.

An excellent example of this is President Harry Truman’s Jewish connection. While a young man, Truman’s business partner and closest friend happened to be Eddie Jacobson -- a Jew. Most likely, back in Independence, Missouri, young Harry did not meet many Jews. But when it came time for the U.N. to vote on the partitioning of Palestine when Israel had declared its independence in 1948, Jacobson’s influence as President Truman’s “Jewish” friend was pivotal to Truman’s pro-Israel policy (against the wishes of many of his advisors in the State Department). Always tell yourself, “If I’m one of the only Jews they ever really get to know, I’d better be sure that they have a positive impression of us all.”

Taking the Show Home

Until now, we’ve discussed the subject of what I would call “external” kiddush Hashem -- a passive sort of projection of kiddush Hashem, as it relates to people we work with outside of the Jewish community. Of even greater importance is an additional aspect that I would call “internal” kiddush Hashem, the positive impact one should make on others within the Jewish community.

To begin with, each person has certain talents, and everyone has an obligation to give of some of those talents back to his own community. One can easily find ways to channel his or her strengths toward “internal” growth and improvement, creating a kiddush Hashem in the process. For example, if you are a computer programmer, volunteer a few hours a month to the local yeshivah to computerize the yeshivah’s financial and academic records, or to teach computer skills to the students. If you’re a lawyer, offer to help the shul draft its real-estate contract. If you’re a yeshivah rebbe, counsel those considering a career in chinuch. These opportunities, however, must be actively sought out. Often, they do not just come to you by themselves.

At times, one can use one’s strengths in surprising ways. While working in England a few years ago, I had developed a cordial relationship with my boss, who was chairman of the company, and in fact the only other Jew in the firm. He was not religiously observant, but since we met once a week to discuss business matters, I summoned up the guts to ask him if he would be interested in beginning our weekly meetings with a 10-minute session in Mishnayos. To my surprise, he was thrilled to do so. And so we began doing this every week. As time progressed, he came to the shiur every week not only to learn Mishnayos, but to ask questions on the parshah and halachah, as well.

The Constant Question

As I just indicated, many of the points highlighted in this discussion apply not only to those who work in a non-Jewish environment, but to those who work in a Jewish environment, as well. Being nice to people and doing outstanding work can actually create a kiddush Hashem, and at the same time have the not-insignificant result of helping build a person’s reputation in his and her place of work. This is true whether you’re a stock broker, a rebbe or learning in a kollel. In fact, the Rambam in Hilchos Yesodei Hatorah (5:11) delineates the prescription for successful kiddush Hashem. This includes treating people well, dealing honestly in business, and keeping a positive attitude. And the notion of “internal” kiddush Hashem via volunteering some of one’s talents and time is something everyone has an obligation to do. Hashem gave each of us special abilities and talents. It is certainly expected that we share a portion of these berachos with others.

Sometimes the potential kiddush Hashem opportunity is right before you, other times you must look hard to find it. The key is to always be asking yourself, “How can I do my best to be mekadesh Shem Shamayim both externally and internally?

Near Death Experience and the Frum Jew

2006-05-31T18:49:00.000-07:00

People who have been declared clinically dead have, at times,returned from the brink to live again. This is a fact.Usually these situations have been preceded by a life-threatening occurrence such as a fall, an accident, an allergic reaction, an electrocution, drowning etc...Sometimes people who return to life have strikingly similar accounts of their Near Death Experience or NDE. They relate very interesting, and frequently inspiring,accounts of what they experienced when their soul left their bodies and journeyed in the Afterworld and back. Most say that the experience changed their lives completely. Many aspects of these NDE's are similar without regard to the person's race or religious background. This site is unique in that it is dedicated to providing a forum for the Near Death Experiences of frum Jewish People. It is hoped that reading these stories might increase the K'vod Shomayim by further demonstrating the truth of the Afterlife and the reality of Reward and Punishment.

Please share with us your experience and try to relive it on these pages.

Thank you and Tizku l'mitzvos!

Avi Goldberg

Frum Jews on the move

2006-05-31T18:43:00.000-07:00

Milton Keynes in Buckinghamshire could soon be the home to orthodox Jews who have decided it is time to move on from Stamford Hill in north London.

Buying a Challah on a Friday and bagels on a Sunday morning could soon become reality.

Ynetnews reports (via Reuters):

One of Europe's largest Orthodox communities needs new homes for its young families because of a shortage of affordable housing in London, and they have set their sights on a 1960s purpose-built city - Milton Keynes a city 80 km (50 miles).

Ultra-Orthodox Jews, known in Hebrew as "haredim," have lived in Stamford Hill since World War II. Now, there are around 20,000 haredim in the neighborhood in northeast London.

"(Stamford Hill) is bulging at the seams," said Jose Martin, who lives in Stamford Hill and worked as a liaison officer for the haredi community with the Hackney local council.

The plans are still in the very early stages: The Union of Orthodox Hebrew Congregations has expressed interest in buying land for 300 family homes on a site in Milton Keynes.

The Union, which represents the haredim, will be able to make a formal planning application once the master plan for the Tattenhoe Park site - which will include several residential developments - is approved by city authorities.

"It very much depends on what the planning authorities will say. We are in their hands," said Shimon Cohen, a spokesman for the haredi community group behind the Milton Keynes project.

Stamford Hill's haredim now have a year to raise the money for the construction of the new homes. Some of the houses will be put on sale, while others will be rented out.

Frum (Religious) Jews and Society

2006-05-31T18:40:00.000-07:00

Frum (Religious) Jews and Society

1) Why Do Frum (Religious) People Do Bad Things?

2) How Come the Rabbis Don’t Say Anything?

3) Explain the Tensions and Major Disagreements Among the Different Sects and Factions in the Orthodox Community?

4) Why Do Frum Jews Have Such Large Families? This is Especially Problematic For Those Families Who Are Dirt Poor.

5) Why Don’t Charedi (Religious) Men Go to the Army?

6) Why Do Many Frum (Religious) Men Sit and Learn Instead of Taking Care of Their Families?

7) Why Do Chasidim Wear Long Black Coats and Black Hats?

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1. Why do Frum (Religious) people do bad things? (top)

Judaism is a system designed to help a person reach moral and spiritual perfection. As such it has been remarkably successful: Observant families are generally harmonious and close, kindness and charity proliferate, drugs, prostitution and alcoholism are miniscule. The overall standards of observant communities on the whole, range of desirable social characteristics, and are the envy of the broader world. Nevertheless, people have freedom of choice, and otherwise observant people may choose to act inappropriately. The truth is that all people, observant or otherwise, do some things wrong at some times. The Talmud assures us that even the greatest spiritual giants transgress the "dust of speaking badly about one's neighbor" at some time or another. We are on this earth just because we are imperfect; we are here to grow and improve.

This is not to justify the wrongs of anyone, and certainly not the wrongs done by religious people. I am merely pointing out that Orthodox people, like the rest of us, sometimes really mess up. Now Judaism definitely regards such behavior from an observant person as being much more morally repugnant. It goes so far as to call such behavior a Chilul HaSh-m, a desecration of G-d’s name, for why would someone want to keep G-d’s Torah if those who claim to do so behave in a scurrilous fashion. In fact, a Jew who lies or cheats is no different to a Jew who eats pork or doesn't pray - he is at best a partially committed observant Jew. And in one sense he is worse. For a Jew who eats pork only sins against G-d. Whereas a Jew who lies or steals, sins against man and G-d.

2. How come the Rabbis don’t say anything? (top)

This is simply not true. As an observant Jew I can tell you that the Rabbis quite clearly and forcefully give to us on every little foot we might dare to put wrong. What they do not do is hang their dirty linen in public. They are not wont to speak to the press about anything, let alone about the problems of the Orthodox community. But any reporter or anyone else who would make the slightest effort would find out the truth for himself.

3. Explain the tensions and major disagreements among the different sects and factions in the Orthodox community (top)

In the army there are different segments, each with their own specialty. There are Engineers, the Golani troops, the Paratroopers, etc., each with a different purpose and role. Naturally, each squadron will boast that it is finest in order to bolster spirit and morale. The Air Force pilots feel they are the best. The Paratroopers are certain they are the most valuable. The tankers surely believe that they are the elite. This is natural.

However, every unit is under the subordination of the Chief of Staff whose orders must be followed by every member of the armed forces, without question, and with complete compliance.

Furthermore, every soldier knows that they never fight against each other. Rather they are in battle with a common enemy and a common goal.

In the past, the Jewish nation was divided into 12 tribes, with individual characteristics and strengths. Still, they were all part of one nation, united under one leader and one G-d. Today, we no longer are divided into these divisions but we still have different ways of serving G-d השם.

The Chassidim have their unique ways of serving G-d. The Religious Zionists have their ideology. But all submit to the High Power of the Commander in Chief, הקדוש ברוך הוא. Every soldier in the Army of G-d follows the same Code of Rules and Behavior, namely the שולחן ערוך, the Code of Jewish Law. We are united with this mutual objective. It does not matter what uniform we wear, whether it be a knitted kippah, or a shtreimel. We are all soldiers in G-d's army. You, my friend, need only to accept the שולחן ערוך (the Code of Jewish Law) as your guide, and you will be guaranteed, from today on, to an eternal life in (the world to come) עולם הבא. (HaRav Amnon Yitzchak, The Jewish Press)

4. Why do Frum Jews have such large families. This is especially problematic for those families who are dirt poor. (top)

Let’s answer the second question first. Look around any Frum neighborhood: The kids look well-dressed and fed; they look happy and well-looked after. If frum people decide to forgo a fancier car and put that money into their kids, and if the kids are thriving, then that is something to admire, not to criticize.

As for the big families themselves: After the Holocaust, the world Jewish population dropped from 18 million to 12.5 million. As many as five to six million of those were in communist countries where for another 40 years, the last traces of their Judaism was being wiped out. Throughout Europe, former glorious communities were devastated, most never to be rebuilt. In Western countries, Jews were and are being lost through intermarriage at a dizzying rate. Those that remain are not replacing themselves: the overall Jewish birthrate in the States is 1.4%. In fact, almost 60 years after the Holocaust, we were able to increase our numbers to only 13.5 million. And that is about as good as it is going to get.

There is one segment of the Jewish community, the Orthodox, who really care about this tragic loss and who have a deep sense of mission about the future of the Jewish people. They are not even making up for the tragic losses of the last century, let alone contributing to a population explosion. In the light of our recent history, this question, then, simply has no place.

5. Why don’t Charedi (religious) men go to the army? (top)

To a non-Israeli:

Torah Jews believe that studying the Torah is something deeply mystical and of great importance in upholding the world[1]. But that is for a longer deeper discussion[2]. However, even on more superficial grounds, this issue can readily be understood.

Firstly, let me stress that Charedim (referring here to religious men in Israel who where black & white clothing) do go to the army: There have always been Charedim in the Israeli army – Charedim have died in battles and there are whole Charedi units. What many Charedim do, however, is get a deferment from the army while they are studying in Yeshiva. This is a deferment and not an exemption. (In practice, the army chooses not to call many of these men up later. This is because the army is trying to cut down on its manpower to save costs, so that it can concentrate on its elite forces and high technology equipment.)

Every country with a draft has a deferral for purposes of study. This was the case in South Africa when it had the draft for many years. It was the case in the USA, when there was the draft during the Vietnamese War. This is because every country recognizes that its base of scholars is a vital lifeline to the country’s present and future. Every democratically elected Israeli government has chosen to include Yeshiva students as a part of this concept[3] and every election is an opportunity for the Israeli public to elect a government that will choose to change this law.

Now, what is also true is that many Charedim are reluctant to go to the army because, although it meets some religious needs, it is hostile to others. In particular, it is insensitive to keeping the sexes separate and there is a great deal of licentiousness. The army has been slow to respond to the needs of the Charedim, partially because of its historic vision of being a melting pot for immigrants into Israeli society, a vision fashioned on a purely secular model.

Orthodox Jews have a passionate, alternative vision, one that necessitates an army, but includes a core of the finest Torah scholars allowing us all access to the finest Jewish wisdom of the ages. This vision is rooted in the historic reality that without Judaism to give content to the State, we will lose our moorings in some post-Zionist dead-end. Indeed, this unfortunate prophecy is taking place before our very eyes. The loss of Jewish values in Israeli society, together with a rapid rise in the crime rate, juvenile and spouse violence, drugs and empty materialism.

To an Israeli[4]:

This is one of the most difficult, painful issues which we all have to face together and resolve. I appreciate how strongly you feel about this issue, and it is therefore of vital importance that we search for a solution together. It is true that the issue is getting much smaller, as the army gives more and more exemptions to everyone. (Of the 22% of those eligible for the draft who got exemptions, only 8% were Charedi.) It is my hope that we, the secular and the religious communities, continue to get closer. Hopefully, the trust and respect we build up for each other will allow us to address this issue in time as well.

6. Why do many frum (religious) men sit and learn instead of taking care of their families? (top)

Every culture and civilization had its scholars. In the Western World there are hundreds of thousands of academics in thousands of universities who are paid to study, research and teach in all sorts of areas. These do not just include practical areas but also areas such as history, philosophy and anthropology.

Jews are the inheritors of the most fabulous tradition of thousands of years of wisdom. We are proud of our Torah scholars who make this wisdom accessible to all of us. Those who sit and learn do so with the active consent of their families. All involved feel privileged, and they choose to give up whatever material benefits they might have otherwise gained.

Indeed, the Torah observant world feels so grateful to these people that they support these people, and the Yeshivas (school of Torah learning) in which they learn to the tune of billions of dollars every year. So does the Israeli government, the greatest financial supporter of Torah of them all.

7. Why do Chasidim wear long black coats and black hats? (top)

There is a mistaken idea that long coats date back to the 16^th or 17^th centuries in Europe. This is not the case. The Talmud (Bava Basra) talks of a long coat as being the garment of a wise man. Such a man would wear a shirt and pants that show the shape of the body, and then would wear a long coat over that, covering the shape of the body, an extra
dimension of modesty. Indeed heads of yeshivas today generally wear such a coat, as do many, though not all Chasidim. Presumably, the Talmud is talking about a custom, which went way back, perhaps to Abraham.

And why black? Truthfully, any modest color will do, a brown, dark blue, grey, etc. Black has emerged as a current trend, but it is not intrinsic to the idea.

As for a hat, the main idea is to wear one when praying. We dress up to meet our maker. However, many have extended the idea that, as G-d’s people, we should always be dressed up (besides the convenience of the head being the best place to keep one’s hat).

There is another idea, that of the Shtreimel on Shabbat. This is the one idea that is of recent, 16^th-17^th Century origin. The kings of those times wore shtreimels, and every Jew feels like a king on Shabbat. Chasidim began the beautiful custom of dressing up like a king and indeed they have continued this beautiful custom. The kings of Europe may be almost gone, but the Jewish kings and queens in every Shabbat home remain on for eternity.

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[1] The source for torah learning aiding in security can be seen in סנהדרין מט:

'Behold, Dovid engages in matters of justice and righteousness for all his nation and Yoav the son of Tzruya is involved with the army. What is the reason that Dovid engages in matters of justice and righteousness for all his nation? Because Yoav looks after the army. And what is the reason that Yoav looks after the army? Because Dovid engages in matters of justice and righteousness for all his nation.'

It is hence derived that both physical and spiritual efforts are necessary. This point is also emphasized in the War of Midian in which 36,000 men were recruited. One third of these men were sent to the back, one third fought in the front lines and one third were sent to learn.

Further, consider that in the conquering of Eretz Canaan under the military leadership of Yehoshua, Yisachar and Levi did not participate in the physical fighting. Those exempted from duty is given at twenty %.

The war, it should be noted, was a milchemet mitzvah or war of mitzvah, war of the highest order, and yet it was still acceptable to opt out of physical fighting.

Torah study was considered integral to an army and so no complaints were hurdled at those who stayed back to study torah. Moshe, however, did levy complaints against those tribes settling on the east side of the Jordan when it was thought that they would not assist in conquering the west side. Moshe told these tribes that not assisting would be sinning to G-d. (במדבר לב:כ-כג) While some may use this source to demonstrate that the charedim are obligated to participate in the physical army (Yechezkel Cohen; Halachically Drafting Deferred Yeshiva Students; Torah VeAvodah Kibbutz Dati Publishers; Jerusalem; 5753.), this argument is erroneous. After all, the eastern tribes were not going to be furthering the war cause through torah study as was the case with the twenty percent which did not fight physically.

A further source which may appear at first blush to negate the religious stand against participating in the physical army is that '...in a war of mitzvah, all must be involved - even the groom from his room and the bride from her chuppah'. (Mishneh Sota; Perek 8; mishneh 7.) To understand this source, one needs to consider that a war of mitzvah involves the obligation to help the people of Israel from the hand of their enemy. This necessitates that every state have a standing army even without specific threat. By application, if a war is being fought and yeshiva students are needed, then they should fight. Even if there is no war but military experts nevertheless declare that a certain number of men are needed and these can only be found amongst the yeshiva students, then the halacha would likely require these men to be trained because they are bound by 'war of mitzvah' as defined above. Today, where there is no active war, the service of the yeshiva students would only be required if a military expert indicated the unique need for the service of this group. To date, this has not occurred. Hence, the service of the yeshiva students is dispensable.

[2] The idea that the Torah holds up the world needs an extensive introduction. It is worth pursuing this explanation, but only if one has the time. I have chosen a simpler explanation for the three minute version.

[3] The religious deferral is derived in law from the inclusion in S. 36 of "or other reasons". The deferrals, interestingly, precede the establishment of the State and hence precede the legal structure, or laws, of the State. On March 9, 1948, two months prior to the establishment of the State, a directive came from the Rosh Hamateh Ha-Artzi, Yehuda Gelili, to exempt yeshiva students from security service. This order is attributed to the direction of David Ben-Gurion, Minister of Security. This practice of deferrals was then accorded additional weight by David Ben-Gurion who proclaimed in a 1949 letter to Rabbi Yitzchak Meir Levine, head of Agudat Yisrael and also its representative in government, that he agreed to postpone conscription of yeshiva students for whom 'toratam umnatam' (their studying of torah is their craft/profession). A 1953 assembly of the Knesset again shows David Ben-Gurion supporting this position. It may be noted that while the deferral of yeshiva students was not explicitly enumerated in the law, the law has been interpreted traditionally to include them.

In subsequent years, the conditions surrounding the deferral of yeshiva students were broadened. Occasionally, attempts were made to thwart the legal deferral but these were obstructed, leaving intact the legal authority for deferral from army service. Examples of this development include 1954 attempts by Minister of Security, Pinchas Levine, to draft all yeshiva students who had studied for four years after the legal draft age. Moshe Sharet, then head of state, subsequently instructed him not to do so. In 1968, Minister of Security, Moshe Dayan, indicated in an article in the newspaper 'HaAretz' that he advised not to draft against their will those individuals who believed fully in their study of torah. A final example can be seen in Minister of Security Shimon Peres's 1975 attempt to limit new deferrals every year to 800. This measure was in force only until 1977 when Minister of Security Ezer Weizman cancelled it.

S. 36 of Israel's Security Service Law (1986 edition) indicates that the Minister of Security is authorized to order dismissals from regular service or reserve service of Israel's National Defence Army for 'reasons connected to needs of education, secure settling, state security, or for reasons of family or other reasons...’ That same year, as a result of the increase in deferrals, MK Geula Cohen requested an investigation into the matter of the deferrals. Interestingly, Minister of Security Yitzchak Rabin was noted to have said at the time that the 'deferral from service is anchored in law and in custom from the time of the establishment of the Israeli Defence Forces (Tzahal) and that there is nothing new which would justify changing that which existed from the beginning (of the State)'.

In 2000, the supreme Court ruled that the arrangements for Yeshiva deferment were illegal and instructed the legislature to enact more appropriate laws. Subsequently, a series of temporary enactments valid for up to two years, were promulgated.

[4] My experience has been that most Israelis are just too passionate about this issue to begin a serious discussion about this.

SimpleToRemember.com - Judaism Online

Downfall of a Young and Ambitious Assemblyman Stuns His Constituents

2006-05-28T10:32:00.000-07:00

By LISA W. FODERARO and JENNIFER MEDINA

MONSEY, N.Y., May 26 — For Rockland County, Ryan S. Karben was nothing less than a political dynamo. He was appointed to the planning board in the Town of Ramapo at age 18. In 2002, he had already served two terms in the County Legislature when he won a State Assembly seat at 28, becoming the youngest state lawmaker in New York.

Described variously as ambitious, energetic, smart and ubiquitous, Mr. Karben, a Democrat, stood out for more than his youth, however. "He was a shining star," said Nicole Doliner, secretary of the Clarkstown Democratic Committee in Rockland. "He was very inspiring. He would give a speech and you would say, 'Wow, let's go.' He really believed what he said."

But his rising political fortunes came crashing down a week ago when he abruptly resigned from the Assembly, saying only that he wanted to spend more time with his wife and their three young daughters.

It did not take long for the back story to emerge. According to several Assembly officials who were briefed on the matter, Mr. Karben quit his post after being confronted with allegations that he brought three Assembly interns to a home he owns in Albany and watched pornography with them there.

Rather than face an investigation, which could include public censure, Mr. Karben chose to step down, the officials said.

Eileen Larrabee, a spokeswoman for the Assembly, said she could neither confirm nor deny that a complaint had been filed against Mr. Karben, who would not comment for this article.

His political fall apparently brought his law career down with it, at least for now. The firm in Spring Valley where Mr. Karben, a Columbia Law School graduate, had been a partner for three years wasted no time in removing his name from the lobby directory. Howard M. Gurock, a partner, confirmed that Mr. Karben's employment was terminated, but he declined to elaborate.

"I was surprised when I heard that he resigned from the Assembly and I was even more surprised when I heard the allegations against him," he said. "It seemed very out of character."

Across the 95th District that Mr. Karben represented, which includes Orangetown and parts of Ramapo, there was a sense of disbelief on Friday among constituents who had shaken his hand at school functions and watched him march in parades.

Mr. Karben is an Orthodox Jew and quickly became a leader in that community, which has grown substantially in the county in recent years. Internet blogs geared toward Orthodox Jews were buzzing about his resignation, as were residents in his district.

Some were reserving judgment, saying they wanted more facts. Others wondered how the circumstances would reflect on the community.

Most seemed to view the situation as a tragedy. "It's very sad," said David Chapman, 42, an Orthodox Jew who owns an office supply business. "It sounds like he was intentionally brought down. Maybe some people thought he was rising too fast in the political arena. Maybe some of the older ones were jealous."

Even the mail carrier on the quiet suburban street where he lives in Monsey rallied to Mr. Karben's defense, barking at a reporter parked outside Mr. Karben's sprawling Colonial house to leave him alone. On Friday, Mr. Karben came to the door but would not open it, telling a reporter through a frosted glass window to call him on his cellphone.

In a phone message that Mr. Karben left later, he said, "I'm not going to have any further comment beyond the two statements I've already issued on this."

Neither of those statements addressed his reasons for resigning. In one, he said, "My focus has, understandably, shifted from concern for a constituency of 130,000 to a constituency of 4."

The accusations against Mr. Karben reignited talk in Albany about where to draw the line in socializing with interns.

"The culture here is terrible," said Thomas K. Duane, a Democratic state senator from Manhattan who has pressed the legislative leaders to revamp sexual harassment policies. "You have people in these upper-level jobs who just don't get the enormous power they have over the young people who work here."

The Assembly had recently adopted a policy banning fraternization with interns, who are typically college seniors and juniors, after Adam Clayton Powell IV was accused of raping a 19-year-old intern in 2004; the charges were later dropped.

While some critics saw Mr. Karben as combative, arrogant and impulsive, friends and supporters called him articulate, gregarious and thoughtful. He became a vocal presence on several committees, unafraid to buck the leadership. He was a formidable fund-raiser, too: in his latest campaign finance filing, his re-election committee had more than $500,000. (Only a few other lawmakers, each in office for decades, had more cash on hand.)

And Mr. Karben, who was relentless in his pursuit of publicity, certainly had bigger ambitions, hinting at the possibility that he would one day run for governor.

Born in the Bronx, Mr. Karben attended Yeshiva University and married his high school sweetheart while in college.

Adam T. Bradley, an assemblyman from White Plains, quickly became friends with Mr. Karben when the two were first-year lawmakers in 2002. "It was always clear that he had a glowing commitment to his family," Mr. Bradley said.

"I hoped it was some kind of dream that I would wake up from," Mr. Bradley said, referring to the circumstances surrounding Mr. Karben's resignation. "He had a caliber of discussion and personality that I am going to miss."

Lisa W. Foderaro reported from Monsey, N.Y., for this article and Jennifer Medina from Albany.

The Internet is revolutionizing closed Orthodox communities and exposing long-hidden sexual abuse allegations — and not everyone is happy about it.

2006-05-28T10:10:00.000-07:00

Jennifer Friedlin - Special To The Jewish Week

Is computer technology shifting the balance of power in Brooklyn’s insular, fervently Orthodox community?

In the 1980s, two prominent Flatbush rabbis allegedly closed the door on a burgeoning sexual abuse scandal by preventing a rabbinical court proceeding from taking place. Now, two decades later, an Internet blog has reinvigorated the allegations, resulting in two multimillion-dollar lawsuits against a rabbi, a yeshiva and a summer camp for boys.

“Without the Internet, this story never would have been brought to light,” said Un-Orthodox Jew, the anonymous blogger who last year began posting angry diatribes about the alleged abuse and cover-up on www.theunorthodoxjew.blogspot.com.

On the blog, Un-Orthodox Jew, who also goes by UOJ and claims to have deep ties in the “black hat” world, stated that Rabbi Yehuda Kolko sexually abused a number of male students at Yeshiva and Mesivta Torah Temimah in Flatbush and at Camp Agudah in Ferndale, N.Y., while Rabbi Lipa Margulies, the head of the school, allegedly helped to protect him at the expense of the victims. All told, three former students of Rabbi Kolko allege abuse against him in the two lawsuits.

While the blog has generated heaps of scorn among readers — some people have said UOJ’s Web posts were less acceptable than the alleged acts they were revealing — the Web site has also elicited support as well as a response from at least one alleged victim.

David Framowitz, a 48-year-old former student who now lives in Israel with his family, says he first came across the blog while searching for Rabbi Kolko’s name on the Internet. His story was chronicled in a May 22 New York Magazine story.

“I was always typing in Kolko’s name looking to see if anyone else was molested,” he told The Jewish Week in a telephone interview last week. “Then one day, I Googled Kolko and all of a sudden it was there.”

Framowitz posted his story to the UOJ blog, claiming that Kolko repeatedly molested him 36 years ago while he was a seventh and eighth grade student at Torah Temimah and during two summers at Camp Agudah. He said he told his parents, but they did not believe him. Now, he wrote, he was coming out because he felt the time had come to tear down “the wall of silence.”

In response to the posts, UOJ put Framowitz in touch with Jeffrey Herman, a Miami-based lawyer who has litigated sex abuse cases against the Catholic Church. Herman took the case. He is also representing two other plaintiffs who go by John Doe 2 and John Doe 3 in the complaints. The complaints, filed in Brooklyn Federal Court, all name Rabbi Kolko and Yeshiva and Mesivta Torah Temimah as defendants, while the complaint on behalf of Framowitz and John Doe 2 also names Camp Agudah.

Although Rabbi Margulies is not a defendant in the case, the complaint states that Rabbi Margulies threatened to expel from the school and ostracize from the community any child who spoke of the abuse. Herman said that Margulies also enlisted Rabbi Pinchus Scheinberg to help quell the fire by telling victims that sexual abuse had not taken place because there was no penetration. After allegedly thwarting two beit dins, Rabbi Margulies told anyone who asked that Kolko had been exonerated, according to last week’s New York Magazine expose. No one ever went to the authorities.

Avi Moskowitz, a lawyer representing Torah Temimah, told The Jewish Week that the yeshiva “emphatically denies the allegations” and has put Kolko on administrative leave.

Rabbi David Zwiebel, a representative of Agudath Israel of America, the owner of the camp, said that officials in his organization had not heard of any allegations against Rabbi Kolko, who apparently left the camp’s employ of his own accord in the mid-1970s.

“There is nobody currently in the administration who has any recollection from that time,” Zwiebel said.

Rabbi Kolko and Rabbi Margulies declined to comment, while Scheinberg, who is 93 and lives in Israel, could not be reached.

While the statute of limitations has expired for a criminal investigation or a civil lawsuit, Herman said he believes that because of the alleged cover-up the plaintiffs would have the right to pursue the civil action.

Herman also noted that a 22-year-old has come forward with allegations against Rabbi Kolko, but he declined to provide details. If that case moves forward, it could fall within the statute of limitations for a criminal investigation, according to Herman.

Besides blogging, UOJ — who said he will not reveal his identity because it would deflect attention from his cause — said he tried several other avenues to bring the allegations to light, from writing letters to Jewish and secular newspapers to sending a letter about Rabbis Kolko and Margulies to thousands of religious families throughout Brooklyn. But, he said, no one wanted to listen.

“I have submitted letters to the editor and as long as they were non-controversial they were accepted. But once I started snooping around about issues no one was dealing with, my letters were not published,” said UOJ, who describes himself as somewhere between 30 and 40 years of age, observant and married with children. He also says that he comes from a prominent Orthodox family that made a fortune in real estate.

Working as an Internet-based Robin Hood, UOJ said his sole interest in starting his blog was to rattle the cocoon of Orthodoxy, which, he claims, has enabled those in power to exploit their followers.

Experts who advocate on behalf of sex abuse victims have applauded UOJ’s efforts. They say that because many Orthodox communities prohibit people from going to secular authorities with allegations of abuse and that abusers often go unpunished, the Internet provides one of the only vehicles religious people have for accessing support.

“In the Orthodox world people don’t watch TV, they don’t listen to the radios, they don’t read the papers but everyone seems to be sneaking onto the Internet,” said Vicky Polin, executive director of the Awareness Center, a Baltimore-based advocacy group for victims of sexual assault.

Yet others worry about the Internet’s potential for abuse.

Rabbi Kenneth Brander, the dean of Yeshiva University’s Center for the Jewish Future, said he thought that recent Internet chatter is “a reflection of the fact that victims have not felt heard on this issue.” Nevertheless, he expressed concern about the harm a vengeful or mistaken blogger could inflict on an innocent person.

“Not everything on a Web site can be treated as truth,” Brander said.

Whether or not the Internet proves helpful or hurtful or a bit of both, most community observers say the Web has forever changed the way Orthodox individuals interact with the world.

“The Internet poses an incredibly serious threat to the status quo in these communities — as it does to any society that controls information and suppresses public dissent,” said Hella Winston, a sociologist and author of “Unchosen: The Hidden Lives of Hasidic Rebels.”

“The fact that David Framowitz was able to connect with UOJ from half a world away, in only a few seconds, is nothing short of revolutionary,” she said.

In the wake of the lawsuits and the New York magazine article, UOJ said he has received more than 400,000 hits to his site. Meanwhile, the alleged abuse has also become a hot topic on other Jewish blogs.

On the Chaptzem blog (http://chaptzem.blogspot.com/), which describes itself as “the one and only heimishe news center,” the host wrote:

“The whole Kolko-Margulies story has brought to light some very important questions regarding child abuse. How do we as a community deal with allegations of abuse? How do we decide if they are founded or fabricated? … Also, even if the allegations are founded how do we go about stopping it? How far do we go?”

According to UOJ, such questions have been a long time coming. n

Shmuley Boteach helps restore harmony

2006-05-28T10:05:00.000-07:00

By JOHN CHADWICK The (Hackensack) Record

The family is in crisis.

The parents, Luis and Beatriz, have divorced after her discovery of his infidelity.

Their four children are running amok, punching, kicking and even swinging a broom at one another.

“It’s gotten to the point where I want to strangle them,” Beatriz says.

But an unlikely rescuer is about to enter their home — with camera in tow.

Meet Shmuley Boteach, an Orthodox rabbi from Englewood, N.J., and host of “Shalom in the Home” — a new television reality show and the first to have a rabbi as its star.

Boteach amiably enters the lives of troubled families every week, probing their problems and trying to restore harmony.

“Her home has become a virtual war zone,” he declared at the start of the April 10 debut episode, featuring Luis and Beatriz. “The kids are out of control, and Beatriz is out of her mind with despair.”

On the surface, it could be just another show, like “Nanny 911,” or “Wife Swap,” that shines an unflattering and exploitative light on a dysfunctional American family.

But “Shalom in the Home,” which runs Monday nights on The Learning Channel, strikes a different tone by using a rabbi to quell the quarreling.

Boteach, a 39-year-old maverick and best-selling author, is known for penning books like “Kosher Sex” that apply traditional Jewish wisdom to the modern conundrums of love, sex and marriage.

Rather than engage in the typical reality-show shtick of berating and humiliating his guests, Boteach (pronounced Boe-tay-ach) plays the role of family therapist and mensch as he travels each week to a new household hot spot.

“The whole purpose is to inspire the best behavior in people,” Boteach said in an interview. “I want to show parents that their roles are heroic and sacred, no matter how society may define success.”

The show’s debut season has, if nothing else, chronicled the diverse state of 21st-century parenthood: The heads of household have included a lesbian couple, a widow and two previously divorced parents jointly raising their children from their first marriages.

Their problems are just as diverse.

A couple — identified by pseudonyms — ask Boteach to help tame their chronically cantankerous 9-year-old daughter.

“I’m not sure if this family needs a rabbi or an exorcist,” Boteach quips at the start.

But within minutes, he shows how the daughter is learning her abusive behavior from watching her father bully her mother.

“You were showing your daughter that your wife is a punching bag that she can beat up on as well,” he tells the father.

Other families are stuck in quiet ruts.

One show focused on a Muslim family in which the parents’ busy lives drained the romance from their relationship.

“Shmuley did a fantastic job of improving the relationship between me and my wife,” the husband, Ali Waxman, said in an interview. “He was able to point out that mom and dad have to provide a loving relationship for one another in order for the children to see that as an example.”

“This is a big risk for The Learning Channel,” Boteach said. “Can a show hosted by a rabbi make it in prime time?”

Although Boteach fits the image of an Orthodox Jew with his yarmulke, beard and eight children, there’s no preaching or even any mention of Judaism on the show.

Yet Boteach sees “Shalom in the Home” as a pulpit for exploring the most basic of Jewish values: sanctification of the home and family.

His earnest, gentle approach with the families — most of whom aren’t Jewish — reflects his belief in Judaism as a universal force to inspire good behavior.

“From the time I was 16, I believed Judaism has a wider message that could help heal the world of a very high divorce rate,” Boteach said. “Judaism is not focused on the grand mysteries of the universe but on the small questions in life: How do you behave? How do you treat others?”

Some observers say the show’s effort to distill Jewish wisdom for a general audience has rarely been attempted.

“He’s trying to take an ancient tradition that has been familial, tribal and inwardly focused, and translate it into an American idiom so it can benefit the larger society,” said Rabbi Irwin Kula of the National Jewish Center for Learning and Leadership, a Jewish think tank in Manhattan. “He’s essentially bringing the Torah to the marketplace of ideas, and there are very few people doing this.”

Boteach is no stranger to family strife. He said the show, like his books, was born from the pain of his own parents’ divorce when he was 8. He moved to Miami with his mother while his father stayed in Los Angeles.

“I was probably the only kid in my class whose parents were divorced,” he said. “It made me feel weird, uncomfortable and very unhappy. But I decided I would use this turbulence as a blessing.”

Boteach said he encounters many fathers, like Luis in the first episode, suffering from what he calls the “broken American male syndrome” — a deep feeling of failure in a culture that reveres the likes of Donald Trump and Bill Gates.

“Luis’ friends start making more money than he is, and so he feels like a loser,” Boteach said. “But then the woman he meets in a bar one night who is young and attractive ... makes him feel like a winner.

“And you do dumb things to be a winner.”

Boteach begins the episode, as he does the others, by observing the family’s behavior on closed-circuit TV from his trailer — the “Shalom Mobile Home.” Then he engages mom, dad and the kids in conversation and activities to get at the root of the problem.

When he brings Luis and Beatriz into the trailer for their first face-to-face talk since the divorce, the tension is so thick that Boteach warns: “If someone gets knocked out today, it might just be me.”

The parents stay divorced. But by the end of the show, Boteach has persuaded the couple to continue working together to stabilize the chaotic household.

“Get in there and be ... the man you failed to be,” Boteach tells Luis at the end. “There are second chances in life.”

© 2006 Times Leader and wire service sources. All Rights Reserved.
http://www.timesleader.com

It could be Jew?

2006-05-28T09:54:00.000-07:00

Leslie Bunder

Big Brother

Jewish Big Brother wannabes are set to splash out on Kit Kats in the hope that one of them will emerge as the second only Jewish housemate following Justine from Leeds in series four.

A number of orthodox Jews are among those who will be bulk buying the choccy bar especially as it is listed as approved for those keeping kosher by the London Beth Din.

TV producer Endemol has teamed up with chocolate company Nestle to offer 100 people the chance to compete for a place in Big Brother 7 which starts on Channel 4 on May 18.

Special packs of Kit Kat will go on sale on May 18 and reminiscent of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory will contain a golden ticket that offers a chance for a person to get on to the hit reality TV programme.

"We are always looking at new ways of trying to find brilliant housemates and the golden ticket feels like a genuinely exciting way to do so," said Angela Jain, Channel 4's Big Brother commissioning editor.

According to an Endemol insider, if an orthodox Jew did emerge as a contestant, they would ensure that their religious needs for keeping kosher and observing shabbat would be meet. "We make sure vegetarians can have what they need to survive in the Big Brother, so there's nothing stopping someone who is Jewish and even orthodox as we would give them an area for preparing food as well as respecting their religious observance."

"I'm really excited about this," said Stoke Newington resident Ben. The 23-year-old frum fan from north London wants to be a Matisyahu for TV reality shows. "Matisyahu shows how orthodox can rock, so why not let the public see someone like myself or my friends in the Big Brother house. Last series had a Muslim, it's about time for another Jew."

Another frummer from Golders Green, north west London, Dovid is also keen to take part. "I'd love to do something like this, it looks like something that could be good fun."

Are you a Jewish Big Brother hopeful and planning to buy Kit Kat for a chance to appear on the show? Share you story with SomethingJewish. Write to: leslie@somethingjewish.co.uk

University City woman makes a modest fashion statement

2006-05-17T19:33:00.000-07:00

By Debra D. Bass
ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH
Thursday, May. 11 2006

As springtime temperatures settle in and steamy weather looms, heavy winter
wear is being shuttled to the back of the closet.

Hemlines will rise, necklines will drop and, without fail, standards of decency
will be challenged. Deciding how much to bare is a personal choice but, if your
choice is to dress conservatively, your options are often limited. Clothing
trends skewed toward the youthful and wannabe-youthful market feature fitted
garments in questionable cuts that are snipping away at the fabric of modesty.

Rachel Lubchansky of University City doesn't necessarily feel more comfortable
shedding layers when the mercury rises. She suspects that she isn't alone.

In August, she launched an online boutique called Funky Frum
(www.funkyfrum.com). Today, she has customers in 30 states and four countries.

Her mission is to offer modest clothing for the modern woman. All of her skirts
are knee-length or longer, and sleeves are at least to the elbow. Some
necklines plunge, but Lubchansky shows them with tank tops layered underneath.

"People have the sense that modest has to be drab or dowdy, but it can be
stylish and current with the trends," says Lubchansky, who has a degree in
fashion marketing from the Fashion Institute of Technology in New York.

Wearing a brown beret, white embroidered peasant blouse and skirt, she says:
"You can be fashionable and covered up."

The styles on her site are not unique, but what makes Funky Frum different is
its overriding focus on Lubchansky's modesty standards. With that in mind,
there are plenty of multihued, contemporary items that will appeal to the girl
who wants to be noticed and complimented but not ogled.

By the way, "frum" is not short for "frumpy." It's actually a Yiddish word that
loosely translates to "religious observant," although Lubchansky, who is
Jewish, insists that she's not making a religious statement or trying to
proselytize about fashion.

"I'm not on a mission to change how other people dress," says Lubchansky, 28.
"I'm not judgmental like that. People should wear whatever makes them
comfortable, but right now, in my life, I'm more comfortable being more modest,
and I want to offer clothing that appeals to others who feel the same way."

She didn't always feel that way. She says there was a time when she was not
observing her faith and she wore clothing better described as immodest.

Then one day, she woke up and found that she had mentally outgrown the clothes
in her closet.

"I became really aware of how people looked at me, and I just didn't want to go
out in dazzling sparkly tops anymore," Lubchansky says.

After nine months in business, Funky Frum has already expanded to offer plus
sizes that feature stylish cuts meant to be colorful, feminine and form
flattering, rather than covered up and hidden.

Her plans include expanding into accessories, youth and petite apparel and
perhaps working on her own line of original Funky Frum clothing with husband
Adam Lubchansky - a mechanical engineer by day and aspiring fashion designer by
night.

dbass@post-dispatch.com 314-340-8236